little black journal

It is surprising and shaming to find out how much power money can have over your mood. Shane and I have been incredibly blessed in that we have always been able to buy the things that we need. We certainly have to pass from time to time on the things that we want, but I’ve accepted that as perfectly normal. Healthy, even. I’m ok with the fact that I need to make my 5-year old laptop last a little longer. I’m ok with not going out to dinner every weekend. I’m even ok with skipping the Nordstrom semi-annual sale (well, “ok” with it is a stretch, but willing to do it, nonetheless). I’ve accepted self-restraint as a good thing. It makes the occasional indulgences that much sweeter. A healthy and well-adjusted outlook on money, right? But when Shane and I were handed a $557 repair estimate this morning for our Honda Civic, I was less than cool and casual. I would have loved to say, “Hey, it’s only money…” But that was far from how I actually reacted. Frustration and anger filled me to the point of tears. That sucks. We can pull this money out of savings, but those hard-earned, carefully-saved dollars were not sitting in the bank so that we could spend them on something like car repairs. That money was supposed to go towards the trip to Europe that we hope to take later this year. That money could buy that new bed I’ve been eyeing in the West Elm catalog. That money was being saved to allow me to take a decent amount of time off from work when we have a baby. Somehow “unexpected car repairs” was not on my 2008 wish list. I keep reminding myself that I should be thankful that we can actually afford unexpected expenses such as these. But it’s hard. The real kicker? After being given our $557 estimate, I came into work this morning and was asked by a group of my female coworkers to come along on a 5-day trip to Hawaii in April. They had found some deals on airfare and hotels and estimated that the whole trip would come out to somewhere between $550-$600. Shoot. Sometimes I wish the voice of reason wasn’t so dang loud.