little black journal

I’ve been riding an emotional roller-coaster the last couple of weeks, and it’s taken some fairly low dips – I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed, misunderstood, and very unsteady.  Concerns, pressures, and disappointments compound upon one another and form this totally out-of-control snowball that is hurtling at me at 600 miles an hour.  But so much of this is because of my own doing.  I am frustratingly emotional and I often let myself become totally absorbed in my feelings when I swing really far one way or the other.  Saturday at the pumpkin patch I was silly and grinning and telling Shane that we were having “one of the best days of 2008”, and earlier tonight I was sitting on the couch crying my eyes out for reasons that are too trivial to deserve elaboration.  It’s hard, being so emotionally volatile and not really knowing what to do about it.  Where is that healthy middle ground, and why can’t I find it?  I pray for steadiness and the ability to process things reasonably, but it’s just so easy to fly off the handle.  Immediate relief.  But then… the realization that my little outburst was totally unproductive and probably a little childish, and so I add “illogical behavior” to my list of self-woes.  I feel defeated.

Thankfully tomorrow is a new day.