little black journal

I sat back and breathed a small sigh of relief after I published my last post.  No resolutions.  No obligations.  No pressure.  I was officially off the hook.  Only…if ever there was a time when I should feel compelled toward self-education and action, it seems THIS.  IS.  IT.

Donald Trump has been president for one week.  Each cabinet appointment he announces, each executive order he signs affirms my fears that he cares little for the poor, for the environment, for the public education system or the people suffering abroad.  I mean, I knew he and I wouldn’t see eye-to-eye on most things, but wowsers, my head is spinning.  And then, Wednesday night, as I was reading the latest headlines about his notorious border wall and falling deeper into despair, something inside of me awoke.  I don’t have to sit idly by.  I can do something.  I have to do something.

Yesterday I left voicemails for several senators, urging them to vote against Betsy DeVos as secretary of education.  Today Juliette and I shopped for diapers and wipes and dropped them off at the Refugee Womens Alliance, a non-profit down the street which serves refugee and immigrant families in our community.  I’m organizing a group of co-workers to spend an evening serving dinner to homeless men at the Union Gospel Mission.  Shane and I have a date this weekend to sit down and re-evaluate our charitable giving as we seek to support organizations that fight for human rights.

And finally, I’m opening my eyes and ears wider than they’ve ever been before.  Reading, researching, seeking, listening.  I’m turning off The Daily Show and getting my news from less-partisan news sources (if you have a non-partisan news source, let me know!).  I’m asking my gay friends how I can support them.  I’m looking for was to uplift and learn from the immigrant community that’s so vibrant at Juliette’s school.  I’m reaching out to conservative friends and family members in an effort to understand their frustrations with the previous administration and their hopes for the current one.  I’m rooting myself in truthful reporting, not just of the goings-on in D.C., but of the lives and stories of my nearest and dearest, as we’re all walking into the new political era from very different places.

A friend marched with a sign last Saturday that read, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”  Humbly, step by step, I’m trying.

I’m a little late this year checking in on my 2016 resolutions and making new ones for 2017 because, well…screw it all.  I’m not going write about whether I did or didn’t yell at Juliette last year (you can venture a guess, though), and I’m not going to commit to learning Spanish or sketching weekly or volunteering with a neighborhood organization.  I’m not going to make excuses for goals unachieved or add anything else to my list of shoulda-coulda-woulda’s.  I don’t know if it’s the “self-care” workshop I took with some mama friends a couple of weeks ago or the fragile state of my spirit in these politically tumultuous times, but I’m inclined to cut myself some slack.  Take a hiatus from ambition and just live into my status quo, which is actually quite remarkable when I think about it:  Quality time with Shane and Jules.  Dinners shared with close friends.  Challenging, meaningful work projects.  Photography, Barre3, and good books.  If I manage to get Juliette to eat something green, or if I find an afternoon to work on an art project, that’s just gravy.

So here’s to a year of grace…

According to Goodreads, I finished 22 books in 2016 and ran the usual gamut from non-fiction to fiction, though I was lighter on “fem-moirs” than in years past.  The round-up:

Take This Bread: A Radical Conversion by Sara Miles

The Dream of a Common Language by Adrienne Rich

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Accidental Saints: Finding God in All the Wrong People by Nadia Bolz-Weber

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer by Tracy Kidder

Mudbound by Hillary Jordan

Wearing God: Clothing, Laughter, Fire, and Other Overlooked Ways of Meeting God by Lauren F. Winner

Parenting Without Power Struggles by Susan Stiffelman

Stoner by John Williams

Food Matters: A Guide to Conscious Eating by Mark Bittman

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

$2.00 a Day: Living on Almost Nothing in America by Kathryn Edin

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

My Bright Abyss: Meditation of  Modern Believer by Christian Wiman

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

The Light of the World by Elizabeth Alexander

The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen

Peace Like A River by Leif Enger

You’ll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein

Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman by Lindy West

 

Best books of 2016:  PEACE LIKE A RIVER!  Sweet Jesus, this was good.  It’s been a long time since I’ve fallen for a character like I did for Reuben.  And his sister, Swede.  And his dad, Jeremiah.  And his wayward brother, Davy.  Ok, I loved all the family.  All the imagery.  All the things about this book!

Also dug Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, because, wowsers, that woman has a way with words that’s amazingly simple but profound.  Honorable mention to Anthony Doerr’s All The Light We Cannot See for weaving such an intricate, beautiful story, and to Lindy West’s Shrill for her sheer bad-assery.  Oh, and to Paul Kalanithi’s When Breath Becomes Air, for touching me to the point that I did the full-on ugly sob while reading the final chapter in bed one night.  It was a good reading year.

On the docket for 2017:  I’m about 150 pages into Atlas Shrugged, and if my Kindle is accurate, it will only take me about 47 hours to finish that one out (oooofffff…).  I’ll be reading a little outside my comfort zone with Islamophobia and the Politics of Empire and Dark Money.  Will be jumping very much back into my comfort zone with Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling and I’m Just a Person by Tig Notaro.  IF I ever finish Atlas Shrugged, that is…

A lot of people were closing the door on 2016 before the clock had even struck midnight on New Years Eve, eager to bid farewell to a year of loss and division, injustice and tragedy.  I get it.  But dammit if I can’t get closure on the year without hitting publish my annual recaps!  So bear with me.  I’ll keep it light.

 

Favorite movie:

I went to the movie theater once last year, for Finding Dory (we have got to get out more!), but we saw quite a few flicks at home.  Best film award goes to Brooklyn.  Shane and I watched this on our low-key-but-luxurious anniversary, when we took the day off to do the things we can’t normally do with a toddler in tow (like watch a movie in the middle of the day!).  It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a romantic movie that’s not cheesy or over-sexed, but this one nailed it.

 

Favorite TV show:

I’m a little behind-the-times on this, but after much ranting and raving, Shane convinced me to sit down and give Leftovers a go.  I’d seen bits of it as he watched Seasons 1 and 2 when they first came out, but gosh, I felt like someone was either wailing with despair or writhing in pain every time I walked by the TV.  I was more interested in Season 5 of Girls and powering through the guilty pleasure that is Gilmore Girls.  Finally, though, I got on board the dark-and-twisty train, and dang, this show is good.  Superb acting, heart-wrenching characters, a complex weaving of relationships and time.  Can’t wait for Season 3.

(Honorable mentions to This is Us, Better Things, and O.J.: Made in America.)

 

Favorite podcast:

Weather-permitting, I try to push away from my desk at lunchtime a couple of times a week and get out for a long walk down by the waterfront.  I’ll lace up my running shoes, put on my headphones, and queue up a podcast, fully reveling in an hour of distraction-free listening.  I’m still a devoted Reply All listener and think This American Life pretty consistently knocks it out of the park (check out Will I Know Anyone At This Party? if you have an hour), but Heavyweight stands out a new favorite.  Listen to Episode 4 for some especially sublime story-telling.

 

Favorite song:

I came across Vance Joy’s Fire and the Flood when I was looking for a soundtrack to Juliette’s third birthday video and have had it at the top of my playlist ever since.  It’s got that whole slow-acoustic to happy-dance crescendo thing happening that I’m such a sucker for.  And in the oldie-but-goodie category, Juliette and I love belting out The Long Way Around by the Dixie Chicks when we’re bopping around town together.

 

Favorite app:

I went on a week-long word game Letterpress binge, and I spend way more time than I should scrolling through Instagram, but I keep circling back to Wunderlist as my most-loved app.  I know, I already sang this app’s praises in my 2015 favorites, but seriously, having one place to store shopping lists and work to-do’s and house chores and meal plans has kinda changed my life.

 

 

Favorite professional moment:

I was immensely thankful for the gracious way my office hosted Juliette on Take Your Kid to Work Day, but the real stand-out moment came right before Christmas when, with my team members huddled around my desk, I clicked Send on the final construction drawings for UW Medicine Phase 3.2.  I started working on this campus 11 years ago when I was just an intern that hardly knew AutoCAD and over a decade later, I’m leading the charge on this most recent phase of UW Medicine’s development in South Lake Union.  That single mouse click felt like the culmination of so, so much learning and collaboration.  It’s also the culmination of a fair amount of stress and far too many mind-numbing meetings with city officials and lawyers, but in 2018, when I walk through this courtyard, I don’t doubt it will all have been worth it.

 

Favorite personal project:

I read a lot last year, got back into knitting once the cooler weather set in, and organized the heck out of our closets.  But far and away, the most satisfying “me-time” I spent was at a four-week summer print-making workshop at Pratt.  I hadn’t been in the studio since Juliette was born, and it just felt…right to be back there again.

 

Favorite family pastime:

I cherish my personal time somethin’ fierce, but the reality is that I would usually sometimes prefer a day with Jules and Shane to a day alone.  2016 was chock-full of quality family time, but our camping trips stand out as my favorite adventures.  I had such high hopes when we set out for that trip to Owhi campground back in June, fervently praying that Juliette would sleep well and love the campfire and walk away without any severe injuries.  And although that weekend was rainy, we rocked it.  Our trip to the North Cascades was incredible.  Tinkham was a blast.  Looking forward to busting out our mondo tent again at the first sign of summer!

 

And, favorite days…

2016 was good to our family.

We closed out 2016 with our favorite kind of party – a low-key evening in our pajamas with wine and some of our closest friends.  These two were pretty pumped to be having a sleepover:

While the kids ran circles around the house, the grown-ups sipped champagne and ate caviar-topped galettes.  Jack Chen for the win, once again!

Finally, at 11 pm, all was quiet in the kids’ rooms.  We laid out a chocolate smorgasboard, poured ourselves one last round of Veuve, and toasted to 2017.  Bring it!

We bemoaned the little ones’ refusal to sleep in on Sunday morning, but perked up when Jack laid out a spread of his famous chilaquiles for breakfast.  It was cold that morning and we reveled in the coziness of sipping hot coffee in a warm house while looking out on the nearby frosty rooftops.  It was a perfect day for hunkering down inside.  Or…was it a perfect day for a swim?  The latter, apparently.  We all convened at the shores of Alki after breakfast and these crazies stripped down just in time to take the Polar Bear Plunge with the dozens of other adrenaline junkies that had gathered at the beach for the event.

Juliette watched with equal parts amusement and confusion – I can’t tell if that’s a smile or a grimace!

Shane shot out of that water like a bat out of hell, wrapping himself in a bunch of towels while the other three enjoyed a celebratory embrace.

Y’all are NUTS.

I much prefer Alki in July, but hey, winter beach days can be fun, too.

We got a text from Jack and La Verne as we were driving home, asking us if we wanted to frolic in the fresh dusting of snow at Jefferson Park.  We swung by the house to grab our sled and a thermos of hot cider, then headed back out to play.

After a couple of sled runs, Jules and Nico got to work on their snowcastle.

Shane and Jack got to work on the biggest snowball ever.

Juliette spent much of the morning carrying a chunk of snow around, asking if I wanted to pet her puppy.  “He’s so soft, Mama!”

Nicely done, gentlemen.

Between snowman-building and dragging Jules and me around in the sled, Shane got quite a workout that morning.

When he got tired, Juliette offered to pull me.  I think she moved me about a half-inch before telling me to get up and walk.

The hill beckoned…

And we answered.

What do you do when you start to feel a bit chilly?  Nuzzle into a good friend.

Oh, Jules…

There’s a special kind of magic in the air on a Seattle snow day – you feel like you’re playing hooky, even if you already have the day off.

Cold and tired, we left one last set of tracks in the park and then tucked ourselves into the car for hot cider.

Juliette took a long, late nap and woke up roaring to go again.  I had one last holiday tradition up my sleeve, as we hadn’t yet visited Gene Coulon park for their annual Clam Lights display.  It was on its last night, and, well, I’m a sucker for this kind of stuff.

It was awfully chilly that night, and I was pretty beat, but I’m so glad I rallied for this.

Happy New Years, friends!  2017 is off to a lovely start.