little black journal

I missed Isaac’s four-month update as we were in the thick of the holidays, so this post is a two-fer with lots to share – get ready to scroll…

Will I ever not start one of these chronicles with “I can’t believe how quickly he’s changing!”?.  Maybe when he’s 12, but at this point I’m struggling to remember what he was like even a week ago.  We were at the park over the weekend and I heard a newborn crying and realized I haven’t heard that kind of quiet-but-loud drawn-out waaaahhhhh in months now.  Lately Isaac is more prone to a squawky shriek when he’s upset, like an angry cat mixed with a pterodactyl in pain.  He got extra fired-up a few nights ago in his crib; Shane went in to soothe him and said he went deaf for a moment when he held Isaac close.  The volume and pitch range on that kid is…impressive?  And so intense.

BUT (there’s always a but with babies!), he is exceedingly generous with his smiles.  All it takes is a moment of eye contact and a friendly “Hi, Buddy…” and he will reward you with the sweetest of grins.

He’ll make you work a little harder for a giggle, which requires a belly nuzzle or a kissing of the armpits or some variation of head-bobbing while chanting digga-digga-digga-BOOP, but it’s always worth the effort.  Shane is king at eliciting the fullest gales of laughter, though I’m queen of airplane chuckles.

He’s a sturdy little guy at just over 18 pounds.  He loves to be naked and Juliette and I love to fawn over that round belly and those squishy baby thighs.  I lay him by the fire after bathtime and give him all the diaper time his heart desires.

Though that chub is 95% breast milk, we’ve started experimenting with solid foods – his first bite of applesauce was mildly confusing but by his second bite he was hooked and now starts flapping his arms in eager anticipation every time he sees his plastic spoon.  We’ve had to scale back on the snacks to let his digestive tract catch up with his mouth, but soon…tacos!  (Kidding, but oh, the flavors that await!)

He’s had a pretty continuous river of drool running down his chin for the past few weeks and last week I noticed a little white nub on his lower gums.  First tooth, at almost five months!  The second one broke through a day later.  He didn’t seem overly bothered by it, though that new brand of shrieking did develop about the same time the teeth appeared, so who knows?

He figured out a couple of weeks ago how to roll from his back to his stomach and now he flips the moment I set him on the floor.  This was exciting for all of us for about 45 seconds – we whooped and hollered over his progress and then realized he doesn’t know how to get back onto his back….  He makes it onto his tummy, pops his head up and looks around as if wondering, “How’d I get here?!”, and then flails his arms and legs while squawking in frustration over the fact that he’s not going anywhere.  Little bud is dying to crawl.

Now, a sleep update.  SLEEP.  It makes or breaks the both of us and we’ve had some ups and downs over the past few weeks.  The good news is that we have whittled down what was a two hour evening put-down (nurse, doze, jolt awake, nurse, doze, repeat…) to about 30 minutes.  Shane let Isaac cry it out on the evening I did my Cedarbrook getaway with Nancy and LaVerne in December and though it took about 45 minutes of wailing, Isaac eventually was able to get himself to sleep.  We put him down still-awake the next night and he cried a little less, and then a little less, and now he’s (usually) asleep within 15 minutes of me leaving his room after he eats.  This has been so good for all of us – Shane, Juliette and I are back to playing a game together most evenings, I’m showered and the house is tidied by 9pm, and even on the nights that Isaac cries for awhile before falling asleep, he never holds a grudge.  He’s thrilled to see me at that first middle-of-the-night feeding, which used to consistently be around 2am, but lately could be at midnight or could be at 4:00 and could be the only time he wakes or it could be the first of three wake-ups….  It’s sleep-issue whack-a-mole.  We’ll find our groove.  Someday.

With the progress on bedtime independence, it seems we should move onto proper naps?  Every Monday morning I tell myself, “This is the week!  He’ll nap in his crib, on a schedule!”  And then Monday at 10am I realize I’ve been nursing and rocking him for over an hour and I know I should put him down, but I don’t.  Partly because I know he’ll wake within 20 minutes of me leaving the room, but also because this is the last baby I’m going to rock, and dammit, it feels so good.

I’m so thankful for my body’s ability to nourish him, for the way his breath often slows and his eyelids droop the second he latches.  If he’s not so sleepy, he’ll nurse for a couple of minutes, pop his head up to give me a big old cheesy grin of gratitude, and then get back to it.

Seriously, though – what’s sweeter than a milk-drunk baby?

Maybe a baby that’s just woken up from a marathon doze in his mama’s arms?

On the occasion I do get Isaac to sleep in his crib, I find myself wandering back into his room to watch him sleep.  I’m a crazy person.

When he wakes up, Juliette and I arm wrestle over who gets to go get him.  If she wins, I watch on the monitor, just to see his smile.  Insane over this kid, I tell you!

Other notes for the time capsule:

Favorite book is Little Blue Truck, a Christmas gift from the Rusts.  Juliette has the whole book memorized by now and I think everyone in the family has some variation of “truck says beeeeeep” looping through our heads during the day.

He rubs his left ear when he’s super-tired – I worried for a couple of days that he had an ear infection, but now I realize it’s just a cue to get him down for a nap.  I prefer this signal to the pterodactyl sounds mentioned at the outset of this post, but often we get both at the same time.

His favorite toy is the stuffed giraffe my mom gave him when he was a few weeks old.  We call him Gigi and Isaac has gnawed on its ears, arms, legs, tail…here he his trying to fit Gigi’s full head in his mouth:

New nicknames primarily focus on his recent efforts to “develop his voice” and include Chatty Pumpkin (Juliette’s favorite) and Screech Owl.  Also Cheese Ball and Soggy Biscuit on days that he’s done a lot of spitting up.  Don’t worry – he knows he’s cute as all get-out and that we’re all head over heels.

Every day is another step in the journey of getting to know our boy better – Juliette and I were trying to figure out the source of his distress a couple of weeks ago and she ultimately shrugged her shoulders and said, “He’s just such a sweet mystery, Mama…”.

Indeed, Isaac.  We’re here waiting when you want to tell us more (but please use your inside voice).

I know in this era of self-grace and simplification (both good things) resolutions are becoming less popular, but I’m still a sucker for the practice of January goal-setting – it brings a sort of purpose and hopefulness to what is otherwise a pretty dreary month. Here’s my 2022 look-ahead (and for the record, I think I’ve gone pretty easy on myself).

Drink tea before coffee.  I’m relishing my morning cup(s) of coffee more than ever as Isaac’s wee-hours wake-ups leave me extra sleepy at the start of the day, but my body doesn’t feel great when my a.m. hydration begins with coffee.  Cue healthy habit: a cup of green tea before a cup of coffee.  Get those antioxidants.  Ease into the caffeine kick.  And then savor that java!

Do three minutes of plank every day.  I’ve settled on walking as my preferred form of exercise, but my post-partum core could use a little extra focus.  I can’t (won’t!) commit to a big chunk of time to strength-train every day, but I can carve out just a few minutes to focus on my most-neglected muscles.  Three minutes doesn’t sound like much, but I did the math and if I keep it up, I’ll finish the year having done over 18 hours of planking!  That’s something.

Establish a simple weekly meal rotation to minimize planning / shopping / cooking effort.  As the end of my maternity leave and a return to the work-life balancing act looms on the horizon, I’m looking for ways to trim the fat from my weekly to-do’s so that I can spend more time enjoying the kids on evenings and weekends.  Meal planning and prep has always been one of my least-favorite time-takers, so I’m working on a handful of weekly menus that we can just put on repeat over and over.  I’ve got the framework nailed down (egg night, chicken night, etc) and am populating each category with 3-4 easy recipes.  So far, so good, though my favorite night of the week is still Friday – takeout night!

Limit time on Instagram to 20 min/day.  I’m still spending hours each day nursing and rocking Isaac, which gives me ample opportunities to get swept into the Instagram vortex.  There were times toward the end of last year when I found myself falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, somehow landing in Reese Witherspoon’s feed at 2am, or watching endless reels of monkeys feeding their little chimp babies – I could feel my mind atrophying.  So I purged my “follow” list at the beginning of the year and set a timer on the app – my phone locks me out of Instagram after 20 minutes of use each day.  I’m doing more reading, more journaling in my notes app, more crosswords. I’m already much happier for it.

Read at least two books with Shane and at least two books with Juliette.  I always set some sort of reading goal and decided this year to take a pass at combining reading with a new avenue for family connection.  We don’t necessarily have to read the books out loud to each other, but we’ll read them in parallel so that we can dish in the evenings on the characters.  Juliette’s calling it our “Mama-Jules Book Club” – we’re digging into Matilda this week.  Shane and I have both loaded A Gentleman in Moscow onto our Kindles and are looking forward to carving out some time to read/drink wine/discuss together.

Figure out what church and/or spiritual community looks like for us in 2022.  It’s hard to believe that we haven’t set foot in our church in nearly two years now. We consistently streamed the online services at the start of the pandemic, eager to stay connected as our physical interactions with just about everyone fell by the wayside, but at some point we stopped marking Sunday mornings for church.  We’d flip on the service if convenient, but if we wanted to get out for a walk or if Isaac needed a nap or if we were in the thick of our pancake breakfast, we just…let it slide.  Our church building is open again, but with Omicron and the baby and the extended commute due to the bridge closure, we haven’t been back.  And we’ve kind of fallen in love with our slow and easy Sunday mornings.  But I do miss singing in the company of others; I miss dropping off Juliette at Sunday school and then admiring whatever craft she’d cooked up under the guidance of her exceedingly kind teachers.  I miss the sacred rituals and the casual connections.  We’ve got some figuring out to do.

Now, ready, set, PLANK!

The annual roundup!  This is one of my favorite posts to put together – even in the years that didn’t go as planned, the years where I didn’t get through my to-do list or take that trip I hoped for, reflection brings so many reasons to feel accomplished and to be thankful.  2021 was no different.  Some lows, but a lot of highs.  Okay, and one BIG high (hi, Buddy!).  

 

Favorite book:

I finished 23 books, one shy of my goal, but I’m going to let that slide because I was able to check off quite a few books that have been on my reading list for 8+ years.

Favorite book in the memoir category, and favorite book above all, was One Long River of Song by Brian Doyle.  I literally clutched this book to my chest several times while reading and took a deep breath, as if it would allow me to more fully soak in Doyle’s words about family and nature and love.  What a gift.

Favorite non-fiction was The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson, because it opened my eyes to the lasting significance of the Great Migration, which I’ll admit I knew nothing about a year ago.

I was a little light on fiction last year, but loved A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith for superb character / setting development – by the end of the book, I felt like I knew the Nolan family through and through.

 

Favorite TV show:

Top honors to Insecure.  I watched all five seasons over the past few months (three cheers for marathon breastfeeding sessions!) and gosh, why’d I wait so long to get on the Issa train?!  I loved watching her change and grow over the course of the show, loved bearing witness to her deep-though-tumultuous friendship with Molly.  And the Lawrence saga…I ate it up.

Mare of Easttown deserves a mention as well because…sheesh!  The suspense!  The acting!  Kate Winslet’s Pennsylvania accent!  My palms haven’t sweated like that since Breaking Bad.

 

Favorite movie:

Whenever Shane asks me if I want to watch a show or a movie, I always choose show because I like more bite-sized chunks of TV, but King Richard was worth the two-hour commitment.  Will Smith is stunning and those Williams sisters (in real life)…total bad-asses.

Honorable mention to Father of the Bride, even though it’s 30 years old, because I had so much fun watching it with Juliette on one of our lazy Saturday mornings together.  It’s good to have another rom-com lover in the house!

 

Favorite podcast:

Bah!  I almost skipped this category because I did so little listening last year (still mourning the Reply All scandal), but in scrolling my queue I see that I stayed pretty current on HBR’s After Hours.  Though Felix, Mihir, and Youngme operate on a completely different academic wavelength than I do, they’re still approachable and their take on current events feels less sinister than the reporting I get from The Daily.

 

Favorite song:

I was determined not to give this category to Taylor Swift again, but dang it!  Her re-release of the Red album, and her 10-minute version of All Too Well in particular, blew our damn minds.   The short film, the SNL performance, the saga of the missing scarf, we devoured it all.  Over and over.

 

Favorite purchase:

I’m going to go big on this one and shout out to our new kitchen.  I’ll give more details and the full before-and-after in another post, but I can definitively say that it’s all I hoped it would be.  The opening up of the kitchen to the living room in particular has been a game changer – it’s so nice to be able to chat with Shane or Juliette if they’re in the living room and I’m cooking or doing dishes.  The peninsula gets tons of use – Juliette does puzzles or art projects there, it’s our snack buffet if we have guests, and I do most of my meal prep there.  Now if only I could keep it clean…

 

Favorite personal pastime:

I was a little short on recreational me-time last year, as pregnancy, a remodel, and then newborn life left me pooped. But I continue to find much joy in making our home homier and did some quality nesting in 2021. What was our guest room (and then my home office) has now been made into a cozy little nursery, complete with a hand-drawn wall pattern that took far longer than I expected but was also soothing in its tedium. Juliette’s room now serves as the guest room on the occasions that we have family in town and has gotten some Jules-approved grown-up upgrades. Our tired downstairs brick fireplace got a coat of black paint, some lighting, and new mantle styling. Our bedroom got a glow-up with accent paint and shelving and fresh art. And the houseplants! So many houseplants to brighten each room. Dare I say our house is almost “finished”? (I don’t.)

 

Favorite family pastime:

Again, it felt like we lost many of our summer weekends and evenings to the kitchen renovation, and then Isaac upended our routines completely, so I’m not entirely sure where to go with this one. My 2020 highlight reel tells me we used to play cards every night after dinner and I’m having a hard time even recalling what that was like – sounds so civilized! So luxurious! These days, 6pm is when we start our evening round of pass-the-baby as we endeavor to keep him content until his 7:00 bedtime… We’ve got some figuring-out to do in regards to fun-making as a family of four (though we have whiled away some good hours together on the living room floor, trying to find Isaac’s most ticklish spots). I did really, really love watching Juliette play soccer on Saturdays last Fall, with Shane at the helm as assistant coach and Isaac in my arms as (sleepy) co-cheerleader. I previously felt a sort of pity for soccer moms, spending their Saturdays on the sidelines rain or shine, but now that I’ve seen my own kid out on the field, I get it – turns out it’s thrilling to see her score a goal! Or try to score a goal! Or participate in the opening team cheer! I’m Juliette’s biggest fan.

 

And, favorite moments…

Many evenings spent listening to Harry Potter while following along in the book.

 

Leavenworth.

 

Sharing the news with the sister-to-be!

 

Winthrop.

 

Semiahmoo.

 

A visit from much-missed grandparents.

 

Mother’s Day with our newly-vaxed crew.

 

An unexpectedly snowy hike with my best bud before she headed off into the train tunnel for a bike ride with her dad.

 

A Marrowstone weekend with friends we saw too little of in 2020.

 

The Oregon Coast and that ocean magic.

 

An attempt to escape the end-of-June heat.

 

Lake life at our new favorite spot in Idaho.

 

Possibly Juliette’s best day ever

 

She loved him so much already.

 

My ladies!

 

Summer Saturdays at Colman Pool.

 

Lazy weekend mornings in bed.

 

Our last outing as a family of three!

 

ISAAC!!!

 

Newborn bliss.  And lots of hospital milkshakes.

 

Little bro meets the best-ever big sis.

 

So tired, but so happy.

 

Lazy mornings in bed take a new turn…

 

A horseback ride for the the EIGHT year-old.

 

Chair snuggles.  So many chair snuggles.

 

40!

 

Momming so hard…

 

Cloud nine grandparents.

 

First smiles.

 

Sister love runs deep.

 

Autumn magic.

 

Keeping traditions alive.

 

A Schnell family Thanksgiving.

 

The sweetest advent.

 

Chosen family.

 

Jarrell family.

 

A snowy surprise.

 

Cozy December mornings.

 

And more snow…

 

Happy New Year.

2021 felt so damn tough for the world outside our door – COVID rolled on, divisions ran deep, and we bore witness to heartbreaking loss. But I’m exceedingly grateful for the joy that bloomed in our little bubble, for snowy surprises and pool days and the most perfect little babe a big sister could hope for. May joy bloom bigger in 2022, may we see it burst our bubble in the very best way and spread near and far.

I’ve found it!  The antidote to the post-Christmas blues!  It’s a fresh dumping of fluffy white snow.  We were thrilled to roll into our driveway after our Portland trip to find our neighborhood blanketed in a couple of inches of powder – kids were out with their inner tubes and sleds, the occasional cross-country skier was passing by on the sidewalk, and the air was thick with that particular brand of PNW snow-day giddiness.  We unloaded the car in record time and then Juliette was back out the door to tube with the neighbors.

Christmas lights and freshly fallen snow are two of my favorite things.

We spent one afternoon at the Rusts’ neighborhood, sledding down the somewhat treacherous hill near their house and then cozying up inside for card games and snacks.

I trekked with the kids to Starbucks one morning while Shane ran some errands.  This was some hard-earned hot chocolate!

I picked up some discounted Christmas decor from the art store during our outing and ended up with my hands fuller than expected, but I managed the mile-walk home.

Isaac, though, was exhausted by my efforts…

And…more sledding!  So much sledding.  Shane was off work that full week after Christmas and so we had beaucoup playtime.  We didn’t throw Isaac down any big hills, but he liked sitting in Juliette’s lap for a gentle skid along the sidewalk.

This girl, though, has a need for speed.

We spent one morning with Juliette’s best school buddies, cruising down the street in front of their house.

And then a cocoa elf appeared with a tray full of drinks for the kids (and me!).

I walked home with Isaac while Shane hung back per Juliette’s request to please do just a few more runs.  Teddy bear was tuckered, again.

Our neighbors passed off this baby sled when they were cleaning out their garage over the summer and we discovered that with a thick enough snow suit, Isaac could be wedged in there to stay fairly upright.

More snow toys emerged from the garage as the week went on…

More sledding fun was had…

There were snow angels…

And family walks…

And then a whole lot of lounging by the fireplace.

I don’t know that we’ve ever rested so well as a family – it became difficult to figure out what day of the week it was.  And it was amazing.

We ended 2021 in the same way we ended 2020, with a quiet evening at home.  We played some games, watched the ball drop, and toasted our glasses of sparkling cider.

One last sleepover…

And then we awoke on Saturday to a fresh new year!  Shane’s all about starting the year with a shock to the senses, so he was all in for the annual Alki Polar Plunge.  Juliette heard that a couple of her friends would be doing it with their mom and decided that she wanted to join in the fun, too.  I thought there was about a 55 percent chance that she would bail once she got to the beach and felt how cold it was, but she was quickly swept up in the adrenaline of the crowd and peeled off her coat with the rest of them once the countdown began.  No turning back now, baby girl!

Dunk, Jules, dunk!

And done!  I was so stinking proud of her.

“I can’t believe I just did that!”

Polar Bears:  The Next Generation…

Jason and Jordan also plunged and we found them down the beach afterward.

The gang convened at our house for hot chocolate and coffee cake.

And then there was an intense snowball battle in the backyard, during which Jason grabbed a shovel and just started pitching scoops of snow toward the opposing team.

We said our good-byes and cozied back up at our respective houses.

The snow turned to rain on Sunday morning and so Juliette took advantage of the super-sticky conditions to build a quick snow-lady with a neighbor friend.

They named her Angel and she lived a sweet-but-very-short life.

By Monday morning most of the snow had melted, Shane was back at work, and school was (almost) back in session.  Juliette and I took down the Christmas tree and we shelved our holiday music and movie playlists.  BAM.  The holidays were decidedly over and it was back to business as usual.  Which for me, for at least a few more weeks, means rocking chair naps with my boy, Project Runway afternoons with my girl, and regular family dinners (those I’m not giving up, ever).  January, I’m here for you.

We had such a sweet, festive December that Christmas itself kind of felt like icing on the cake. Twinkly lights and meals with friends and living room sleepovers and a trip to Portland to see the family?!  How lucky were we?  The anticipation was just so, so good this year.

We drove down to my brother’s house on Thursday, stopping once so that I could nurse Isaac in a Safeway parking lot while Shane and Juliette darted into a Starbucks for coffee and lemon loaf – gone are the days of “powering through” without a pitstop, at least for now. We were greeted by the cousins and my parents, who all remarked over how much Isaac had grown since they had seen him in the fall.  Juliette was eager to get her hands on Bina, Grandma was eager to get her hands on the baby.

Christmas Eve was lazy – games and cookie decorating and plenty of lounging.  Morgan and Juliette convinced my dad to play Mario Kart and then delivered him a solid whooping.  C’mon girls – have a little Christmas mercy!

The kids each got to open a Christmas Eve present…

There was the traditional viewing of the Polar Express…

And then cookies and an apple (we were out of carrots!) were left out for Santa and his reindeer by these two little elves.

By the time I came upstairs on Christmas morning, gifts had been sorted into neat little piles for each person – Morgan and Juliette were vibrating with anticipation and eagerly counting down to our 8:30 rendez-vous time (Elise likes to sleep in!).  Finally, the clock struck half-past, the family was gathered, and the wrapping paper started to fly.

(Isaac wanted to trade the cloth avocado I put in his stocking for the Skittles Juliette had in hers.  Fat chance.)

Juliette asked Santa for shoes this Christmas, and he came through with a pair of riding boots.

Juliette is so sweet and enjoys watching people open presents as much as she enjoys opening gifts herself.  She gives a friendly little clap after each unwrapping, like, “Wow! You’re so lucky you got that!”

Could it really be…?

A Hogwarts sweatshirt for our little Harry Potter fan!

Whew!  The calm after the gift-opening hurricane.

Being spoiled is tiring, huh, kid?

We got out for a short walk before lunch but the cold sent us back inside before long.  Morgan was desperate for a white Christmas and was thrilled to see a few flakes start to fall, though they quickly petered out.

Isaac threw the fit to end all fits that afternoon but eventually conked out in my arms.  I guess the excitement of it all was just too much.

Juliette played with Shane’s new Oculus…

Was wowed by Elise’s Illustration skills…

Played a very rambunctious game of hallway dodgeball with her uncle…

And this kid kept sleeping.

Isaac “opened” a couple more gifts once he got his second wind.

There we go, buddy!  Look alive!

Shane and Mitch took the girls to the school in the afternoon to test out Morgan’s new basketball and Elise’s new volleyball (sport-playing is Shane’s love language).

Then Juliette unwound in the hot tub.

And I unwound on the couch with my favorite guy and glass of Cabernet.

We had our traditional country ham for dinner and I felt exceedingly thankful for the people around the table but intensely missed the family not there.  Minnesota clan, you were held near and dear in our hearts!

We ended the night with more games, more togetherness.  Juliette and Morgan made up a game called “Tickle Doctor” and convinced my brother to play – it bordered on torture, but I watched from a safe distance and laughed till I cried.

We woke up Sunday morning to a day-after white Christmas – Juliette and Morgan frolicked in the front yard for a bit and I bundled up Isaac for his first romp in the snow.

My parents had hit the road early that morning, but the cousins got a couple of hours of chill time while Shane loaded our circus of stuff into the car.

And then we were homeward-bound.  I hopped into the backseat near Tacoma to soothe an antsy baby, which came with the added bonus of cozying up next to Juliette.

Almost there, Buddy!

And…made it.

The kids opened the last of their presents at home and while Isaac had no clue that half that stuff was for him, sister was awfully stoked on his behalf.

Gah!  The things this girl will show and teach you, Isaac.

Juliette made use of her fashion plates from Auntie Tiff…

Isaac modeled his new pajamas from Grandma Schnell…

The last 2021 ornament was hung on the tree…

And then it was onto New Years.  And SNOW.  The fun continues…

December. This month is never quite long enough for me. I could always go for about nine more days of twinkly lights and holiday movies and that magic, joyous advent anticipation. Being home every day did afford me some extra quality time with the Christmas tree, but still, the month passed in a flash. Are we really chucking the 2021 calendar tomorrow?!

Despite December’s apparent brevity, we were able to make good on most of our holiday traditions. This year I jotted down our favorite activities on slips of paper and tucked them into Juliette’s Christmas countdown garland so as not to lose track.

We made sugar cookies and dried orange garland…

(Juliette got creative with the leftover bits of dough…)

We visited the neighborhood’s beloved Menashee house, with all its Christmas kitsch.

And then Juliette and I took our own drive around West Seattle one night after Isaac was in bed, zig-zagging up and down the blocks in search of our very favorite lights and pit-stopping at 7-11 for hot cocoa.

(I had to bring Isaac back to this sweet little house on 48th during one of our evening walks.)

The rascally elf ran all over the house during the day and then played hide and seek with Juliette when she came home from school.

We shared a holiday meal with our chosen family, in the form of Saturday brunch at the Rusts.

Isaac was very comfortable in Nancy’s lap and eventually dozed off while the grown-ups yukked it up.

Isaac’s first Christmas present!

(He says thanks.)

We rounded out the morning with a game of hide and seek.  Jason…I SEE YOU.

Juliette has decided this year that the jig is up and she doesn’t in fact believe Santa is real, but she still jumped at the chance to visit him at a nearby real estate office on a rainy Saturday afternoon.

Shane’s office mailed him a gingerbread kit and so I passed the construction baton to him this year, with Juliette running point on decorations.

And Juliette’s favorite tradition, our annual sleepover by the Christmas tree on the first night of winter break.

My body loves this tradition less and less as I get older, but my heart loves it more and more.

Isaac was not invited to the slumber party, but was welcome to join us early the next morning.

We added a few new things to our 25 days of Christmas, like a hot chocolate bar, with a specific request from Juliette to make it “extra-fancy”.

We’ve added peppermint meringues to our baking repertoire (followed by “take a treat a neighbor”).

And several days of super-simple to-do’s, like “take a picture of Isaac in a Santa hat” and “tell a family member what you’re thankful for” (I’m thankful for those chubby thighs!!!).

“Read a Christmas book.”

And “light a bunch of candles and relax by the fire”, which was done on the evening we were hit with an unexpected power outage.

In other December happenings, I snuck away for a night of kid-freeness with Nancy and La Verne while Shane held down the fort at home.  Long live Cedarbrook!  We hot-tubbed and soul-shared and watched Crazy Rich Asians and You’ve Got Mail while eating ice cream in bed.

No ladies weekend is complete without an outlet mall bonanza.

I bought the kids matching Christmas pajamas and sheesh, my heart.  They might be wearing these till February.  Or June, if Isaac stops growing like a weed.

It snowed for all of eight minutes right before Christmas and Juliette excitedly darted outside to catch a few flakes on her tongue.  She had no idea that we were in for several inches a few days later!

She was thrilled by watching Isaac experience his first snowfall.  He was…not as thrilled.  But he tolerated it.

Juliette dressed to the nines for her school’s Wacky Tacky Day to celebrate the last day before Christmas break.  Girl’s got style!  And an extreme fondness for the color pink.

She put on her Santa hat a week before Christmas and donned it everywhere, even wearing it to bed most nights.

And finally, these two have been so heart-achingly adorable over the past month.  Isaac hasn’t the foggiest idea what Christmas means, but Juliette’s excitement over sharing this season with him is so stinking sweet.  She’s my ultimate partner in magic-making.

Cookies baked, cocoa drank, garland strung…now onto the main event!

We usually wait until after Thanksgiving to bust out the holiday decorations and shift into Christmas mode, but this year we decided to start a little earlier – I had the time, Juliette had the will, and Shane had the…ambivalence?  This landed us at our beloved Mountain Creek Tree Farm the Sunday before Thanksgiving, on the hunt for a perfect 7-foot grand fir.  Get ready, Isaac!

Isaac patiently endured my hemming and hawing as I wandered back and forth between the top two contenders – he understands that certain holiday decisions shall not be rushed.

(Oh, Jules…)

Still hemming…

Still hawing…

Found it!

And she’s a beaut.

I snapped a few photos of the kids while Shane tied the tree to the top of the car.

Isaac was clearly thrilled by the whole spectacle.

THRILLED.

That last request for a photo is often a mistake.  Case in point:

We spent the afternoon decking the halls – Juliette and I strung lights and hung ornaments and blew the dust off our trusty Santa hat.

We followed up tree trimming with a quick jaunt down to the water to catch a stunner of a sunset.  So merry and bright…

Festivities continued with a trip to the Woodland Park Zoo the evening before Thanksgiving to check out the lanterns.  Shane stayed home with Isaac and Juliette and I enjoyed the vibe of a ladies night out.

It was a little strange, going to the zoo and not seeing any live animals, but Juliette dug it and I appreciated being off the hook for baby bedtime.

I was bound and determined to keep Thanksgiving Day as sweet and stress-free as possible.  Juliette and I did some prep the day before and checked cranberry sauce, apple pie, and a lime-cranberry tart off our list.

This freed us up to lounge late in our pajamas on Thursday morning.

No need to rush these moments…

I rallied around noon and got to work on the potatoes.

Shane brought out the Magna-Tiles, which Juliette hasn’t touched in months (years?) and she played with them all afternoon.  Much as I love seeing this girl with her nose in a book, there’s nothing like seeing her get lost in building and imagining.

Dinner was served late afternoon – brisket from our favorite bbq joint, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts with bacon, cranberry sauce, and double dessert.  Easy peasy!

This pie was so good and so pretty.

Cheers, little lady.

This sweet boy didn’t get to eat anything on the table, but was so content to watch us stuff our faces!

After-dinner lounging…

And then a family viewing of Little Women, which has become one of our favorite wintertime flicks.  Isaac isn’t yet enthralled by the March sisters, but he will be.

Someday.

Let’s hear it for holidays in the slow lane!

We declared the day after Thanksgiving a Family Fun Day and headed over to the downtown waterfront to check out the Seattle Aquarium.

And then we moseyed over to the Great Wheel – Juliette and I had planned on checking this out before Isaac was born, but he made an early debut and foiled our plans, so Jules had a rain check to cash in.

It’s a slow-moving ferris wheel with what I thought would be a very low thrill-factor, but there was a legitimate rush of excitement as our little pod took off and dangled over the water.

Juliette was pumped!

Isaac, again, not so much.

And now Christmas is just around the bend; we’ve got a few more festive favorites up our sleeves.  And of course, all the pajama time we could possibly hope for.

While life with an infant isn’t easy, per se, maternity leave feels slow and quiet and like a much-needed respite from the work-life hustle. We stay close to home and I spend long, lazy mornings in the rocking chair with Isaac, often the only thing on my calendar being pickup at Juliette’s school at 2:25. Sometimes that walk to and from school is the only time the baby and I leave the house, and that’s OK. I love the afternoons that Juliette and I spend on the couch, watching Project Runway and sipping hot cider while Isaac naps or nurses or makes imaginary snow angels on the floor nearby. THESE ARE THE DAYS.

But sometimes we get a little stir-crazy and so I head out with the kids for an after-school adventure (and I use the term “adventure” very generously). An hour at a park followed by a visit to a coffee shop is really all I need to tide me over for a few more days of hunkering down.

Camp Long was extra-lovely in early November, the ground a carpet of orange and yellow. Juliette scrambled on the climbing wall and Isaac dozed in his stroller and I snapped a hundred photos.

Isaac is not in his most photogenic phase, but no matter, Buddy.  Jules and I think you’re adorable.

And…Lincoln Park for the win. This place shines year-round, but the upper loop in on a late fall afternoon is my favorite.

(He’s awake!)

We’ve been doing the West Seattle coffee shop circuit post-park and have decided Cupcake Royale has the best balance of being cozy while still having space to spread out and maneuver a stroller with a napping baby in it. Isaac usually wakes up before Jules and I are ready to go, so he’ll join us for a word search or a little reading.

Somebody give this sweet boy a cupcake! (Ok, don’t, but it’s tempting!)

We try to get out together as a family on the weekends, but Saturday mornings are often spent like this (after Shane slips out for some early pickle ball)…

And Sunday afternoons are often spent like this (televised pickle ball makes me want to snooze too, Isaac)…

Sunday evenings are for dinner with friends…

And I’m already missing soccer Saturdays!  The season ended last month and Juliette learned a ton from the experience, not just about getting the ball in the net, but about teamwork and perseverance and shaking off the occasional bump or bruise.

Things have felt a bit busier with the onset of the holiday season (again, I use the term “busy” quite generously!), but we’re still finding time for plenty of this:

And this.  By the end of the day I can be a bit “touched-out” after so many hours of baby-holding, but when your three-month old falls asleep on your chest and your eight-year old has had a tough evening and really needs a bedtime snuggle, you lean in.

These slow, uneventful, long-but-too-short days. These are most definitely the days.

It’s been three months (plus a week), and I’m wondering what happened to my newborn baby boy?  I turn my back for a second and suddenly his long legs hang off the edge of my lap when I’m nursing him.  When did his toes start pushing at the seams of his six-month pajamas?  When did he stop making that squeaky sound with each gulp of milk?  And for Pete’s sake, when did this kid grow that irresistible belly?!

Month three brought the best of times and the worst of times. More good than bad, as a sweet toothless grin can right a thousand wrongs, but oh, when Isaac gets mad, his screams will make your eardrums whoosh. He’s thrown a handful of fits at bedtime that have rattled the windows and left us all in various states of angst (my default reaction is concern, Juliette gets sad, and Shane sternly asks him to just “Get it together, Buddy!”). Best not let this kid get overtired, and best not put him in his crib before he’s good and ready, or he will make you pay.

BUT, so many smiles!

And so many long stretches of awake contentedness, which is a welcome new development. He loves the little play mat of Juliette’s that we’ve held onto for all these years and will happily bat at the elephant and giraffe for 20 or 30 minutes while I hang out nearby.

His jabbering turns to fussing when he’s tired of that game and I’ll sit on the floor next to him and look into his eyes and suddenly his breath quickens with excitement and his limbs start flailing like he’s making a snow angel with his arms and riding a bike with his legs and he grins.  All it takes is a moment of eye contact, and he’s over the moon (which of course sends me over the moon).

And the crib grins!  I head into his room when he starts rustling around in the middle of the night or early in the morning and he looks up at me in the glow of his nightlight and smiles big, thrilled by the promise of snuggles and milk.  This face is worth getting out of bed for.

We’re in a good groove with nighttime sleep – Isaac is up around 3 am for a quick eat and goes back down again until 7:00 or 7:30.  Napping, though…  He’s a chronic daytime dozer and wants to sleep in my arms after he eats.  I can transfer him to his crib, but it’s rarely more than 15 minutes before he’s awake and wondering where the heck I went.  And so I hold him.

The hours I’ve spent in the tried-and-true gray rocking chair with this boy, studying his every feature while he sleeps and throws my to-do list to the wayside.  His light purple eyelids will flutter open as he snorts himself awake, then he groggily gazes at me, puts his hand on my chest and drifts back into his serene little slumber.  Don’t go anywhere, Mom.  Sometimes he smiles as he sleeps and lets out a soft chuckle, the corners of his eyes crinkling.  Sometimes he furrows his brow and pouts his lips with the saddest little whimper.  I’m here for all of it.

I will say, these drawn-out nursing and napping sessions seem to do his body good, though, as he’s become quite the solid little mister. He’s holding his head up like a champ and his doctor called and his neck strength “kind of unbelievable” at his two-month checkup.

Tummy time also gives me a chance to wipe clean those neck creases!  It’s the only time of the day that his head separates itself from his chest.

He loves to stand and seems to be counting the days until I cave and buy him one of those big plastic exer-saucers. Juliette will prop him up by his armpits and proudly declare him “Prince Isaac of the Heights” before lifting him into the air with a flourish – little bro might be an early cruiser.

Juliette continues to thrive in her role as big sister.  At first I wondered if she just enjoyed playing house with a live baby doll, but once I saw her put her cheek next to his and gush “I just love you so much, Buddy!”, I realized I underestimated her.  She’s feeling the real deal and could not love her brother any better or deeper or sweeter.

She still won’t change poopy diapers, but she does love to dress him and groom him and is often patting his hair down flat with a little bit of water, as she insists this makes him most handsome.  I think he looks like a used car salesman and prefer that tousled situation he has going on in those tummy time pictures, but whatever.

Some things just can’t be tamed…

Isaac loves the bath and so we’re often stretching out bathtime to get through that pre-bedtime fussy hour.

I like a warm bath and a good book too, Isaac.

A few other tidbits:  We’re still throwing around nicknames for Isaac and Chewbacca still pops up from time to time, but I also call him Sausage Toes (kid has some seriously chubby feet!), Sweaty Muffin (boy runs hot!), and Big Pooper (realizing now I may need to come up with some more affirming terms of endearment?).  Shane calls him Buddy Boy and Juliette calls him Little Rascal and BLB (Best Little Brother).

He loves the sound of the shower, the hair dryer, and the vacuum, which is great, as I can set him in his chair and get some housework done or get ready for bed while simultaneously soothing him.

His eyes have stayed blue and the jury is out on whether they’re just newborn blue or forever blue, but I’m hoping it’s the latter.

And…he’s maybe the sweetest baby ever?  I know, I’m a biased, smitten new mama, but seriously, kid…I adore you.

We had some family photos taken by a friend when Isaac was a couple of weeks old and I’ve been going through them this week, having some prints made to hang around the house. I wanted my faves to have a spot on the blog – I love them so much and Julia deserves a proper shout-out!  Also, not to saddle these pics with too much meaning, but I’m feeling some big emotions as I flip through these and am finding them to be a bittersweet bow to tie on our status as a family of four. Shane and I have decided (decided before Isaac was born, actually) that this is it. No more kiddos. We just don’t have the energy or the space in our schedules for another little one. I don’t have the will to play any more rounds of the infertility waiting game. We want time for our whole family to hit the slopes together or tour Europe together before Juliette is grown and leaves the nest. And let’s face it – we’re no spring chickens. Shane spends his evenings with a heating pad wrapped around his elbow and my knees crackle like a bowl of Rice Krispies when I get up from the floor.

Four is good. Four is perfect.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s hard to accept that I will never again experience the euphoria of childbirth or the other-worldly sweetness of those early newborn days. It’s hard not to wonder what might have been had we not waited so long to commit to IVF. It’s hard to part with all of Juliette’s precious little baby dresses, knowing they’ll never be worn by a child of ours. There’s a bit of heartache in the closing of this door.

Because dang, I love being a mom. I love being a mom more than I love anything else on God’s green earth. So I’m going to Mom the bejeezus out of these two kids. I’m going to do my rounds before I go to bed each night and lean over Isaac’s crib for a moment to just soak in the sight of his splayed-out arms (I don’t dare touch a sleeping baby) and then tiptoe into Juliette’s room to adjust her blankets just-so and kiss her on the forehead (sound-sleeping eight year-olds are the best). I’m going to kiss Isaac’s chubby cheeks each morning and then tuck his head into the crook of my neck after I scoop him out of his crib, cooing a dozen “I love you, Buddy’s”. And I’m going to smile as I drop off Juliette at her first school-friend slumber party this Friday, because there can even be joy in watching your kids grow and become more independent (or so I’ve heard).

Isaac is most certainly going to grow up faster than I want him to (already, I hardly recognize this skinny little babe!), and I’m going to get all weepy and sentimental at each birthday, but then I’ll remember that Juliette has shown me that there are always plenty of good times up ahead.

Oh, and I am 100% taking this girl to Paris someday.

And fingers crossed, I’m going to watch these two keep up this love-fest, which has already made for some of the happiest moments of my life.

Four is good.