little black journal

This month has felt long.  Heavy at times, often stressful, full of days that were so short on daylight as darkness seemingly stretched on and on and on.

But I look back at my photos and see there were also a few weekend gems in there, days when the sun came out and we braved the cold for a breath of fresh air.  We took a sunset walk at Lincoln Park a couple of weeks ago and were reminded that winter does have its charm, in the form of snow-capped mountains and soft, pink light.

Jules and N found wintertime joy as they frolicked in the snow at Hyak on MLK Jr. Day.  I had to work and missed the fun, but these photos from La Verne were too good not to share!

And thank goodness for last Sunday’s SUNday.  Shane, Jules, and I hopped in the car before lunchtime and jetted toward Seahurst Park to grab some rays and do some beach-combing.  I texted the gang to see if they also needed some Vitamin D.  They did.

Shane’s friend Steve visited us this weekend and we went back to Lincoln Park this morning to brag a little on Seattle’s beauty – Jules and I spent most of yesterday cooped up inside while the guys skied and were clearly in need of some physical activity.

While Shane and Steve waxed on about the ethics of football and the theology of Star Wars, Jules and I threw rocks and looked for shells.

I’m ready to flip that calendar page, but I suppose it turns out January didn’t totally suck.

I usually start out each year with a list of about 20 resolutions, then whittle it down to a select few that address varied realms of self-improvement – something health-focused, something relationship-focused, something creatively-focused, something to scratch my organizational itch…  This year, though, I drew a blank. I cribbed two resolutions from where I fell short in 2015 and then got stuck, unable to focus on the broader picture of the year ahead as I got swept up in January preschool visits (how is it that time already?!), and a work deadline, and then Making A Murderer (watch it!  actually, DON’T.).  After spending some time this weekend mulling over what I want to accomplish in 2016, this is where I landed.  I have this nagging feeling that I’m not being quite ambitious enough, that something’s missing, but these dark rainy days have sucked the moxie right out of me and I’m tapped out.  Maybe I’ll do Resolutions Round 2 in the spring, when I’m not tempted to hit the hay at 8:30 pm every night.  Round 1 is as follows:

Make art with Juliette every week.  I gave this one a shot last year and found it to be harder than expected, but I’m tackling it with renewed vigor.  So far, so good – Juliette and I pulled out the pom pom’s and paint yesterday afternoon, and after dabbing a few orange dots on the paper, she looked up at me and exclaimed with great pride, “I made a duck butt, Mama!  I made a duck butt!”  That was all the incentive I needed to keep the art projects rolling.

Get out of auto-mode with my camera.  Also from last year.  Hoping that 2016 is the year I graduate from occasionally-lucky amateur photographer to well-informed amateur photographer.

No angry-yelling at Juliette.  I’ve actually had this one on my mind for awhile, but felt nervous about putting it down on paper as I feel destined to fail.  I mean, she’s two.  And stubborn as all get-out.  This happens at least once a week: I’m standing by the door holding her coat and she’s looking me right in the eyes with her arms defiantly folded across her chest and I’m saying “please, honey, be a helper” and then I’m suddenly shouting, “JULIETTE GRACE!  WE’RE LATE!  PUT ON YOUR COAT!”  And while the shouting gives me about seven seconds of anger-expelling relief, regret is always quick to follow.  So I’m committing to patience and kindness, reminding myself to just take a minute and walk away when the treachery of toddlerhood is too much to bear.  (A small point of clarification: yelling for the sake of her safety is ok, as in “STOP!  DO NOT RUN INTO THE ROAD!”.  Mild to moderate raising of my voice for the sake of emphasis is also acceptable.)

Develop a go-to list of 28 recipes, focused on whole, healthy foods.  This one shows promise, as it touches on two of my most favorite things: eating and list-making!  Shane and I have made great strides over the past couple of years in purging processed foods from our diet, but I’m finding myself in a cooking rut, cycling through just a few simple go-to recipes again and again.  So I’m upping my kitchen game, venturing a little further into the produce aisle and trying new things.  If we love eating it and love how we feel after eating it, it makes the list.

Here we go, duck butts and all!

Alright, this is it – my final post on 2015 as I have a come-to-Jesus moment with last year’s resolutions.  It’s a little bleak, but I’m nothing if not a work in progress!

Get out of the house SANS BABY with Shane at least once a month.  We did alright on this one – called a sitter a couple of times, took advantage of the grandparents when they came to visit, and pawned Juliette off on our friends when we were really desperate for an evening out.  I’ve found that what’s actually more important than getting out for date nights is making sure that we find regular times during the week to turn off the TV, let the dirty dishes sit for awhile, and check in/plan/spoon.  That said, I could always use more of this…

so we’ll keep at it.

Make art with Juliette.  Sub-par performance on this one, for sure.  We had a few good afternoons with the watercolors and the finger paints, but too often I let the hassle of getting everything out and then having to clean everything up deter me from quality art-time with Juliette.  So I’m renewing my commitment to kid-focused creativity this year, lining up a variety of projects.  I just ordered Jules her first pair of scissors and a bag of 300 pom-pom’s.  No turning back now.  (Seriously, though, can you see why I was a little weary of getting out the paint?!)

Learn how to make the best use my camera.  Fail.  Total fail.  I’m still taking lots of photos, but have yet to shift out of auto-mode, so I’m giving myself a do-over on this one as well, adding it to my list for 2016.  On a more positive note, I did luck out with a few great shots last year.

Be physically active.  Finally!  One I can call a total success!  I completed my first (and probably last) half-marathon in March, hitting my target time after three months of diligent training and one guns-blazing all-out push to the finish.  I decided after the race that long-distance running isn’t my thing, but I’ve found an exercise schedule that works for me since then, mixing running, walking, and at-home barre3 workouts, targeting 30 minutes+ of focused physical activity at least 1/2 the days of each month.  And I feel good.  Fit.  Mission accomplished.

End the year with less stuff in our house than there is right now.  I just finished “project closet purge” and I’m squeaking by with a pass on this one.  Things still feel tight around here, but after ditching 20 half-skeins of yarn, a box of burned CDs (remember when Spotify playlists weren’t even a thing?!), and the snow globe that Shane gave me on our first Valentines Day, I’m definitely feeling lighter, gratified by the presence of empty space in our closets.

And with that, I’m ready to resolution the heck out of 2016.  Stay tuned.

The list-maker in me loves these looks back at 2015, so indulge me one more time!  This is what I read:

This is Ridiculous This is Amazing by Jason Good

Wonder Weeks by Frans X. Plooij

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

Not that Kind of Girl by Lena Dunham

The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

Why We Can’t Wait by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez

Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls

Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

Everything You Ever Wanted by Jillian Lauren

God Help the Child by Toni Morrison

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

It wasn’t a stellar reading year for me – it seemed rare that I was fully engaged in a book.  I lulled a lot on the longer reads (dang you, Goldfinch!) and was disappointed by what I thought would be fun, easy page-turners (Lena Dunham let me down!).  That said, there were still a couple of stand-out gems.

Best books of 2015:  I ended up reading quite a few books focused on justice and race – books that are relevant and important at any time and place, but all the more so given the fact that recent headlines speak of instance after instance of prejudice, oppression, and maltreatment.  I read Why We Can’t Wait over the summer and was rocked by the way Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. boldly defied discrimination with such powerful grace, such selfless love.  Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy was also a reminder that, holy crap, one guy can make a substantive difference.  Honorable mentions to Half Broke Horses for being, just, fun, and to Uncle Tom’s Cabin for putting me through the emotional gamut, from tear-jerking sorrow to hot-blooded indignation.

Worst book of 2015:  Wonder Weeks.  I thought it would be packed with interesting nuggets of insight into what’s happening in Juliette’s quickly-developing brain, but instead it was filled with obvious observations and repetitive anecdotes.  Shoulda skipped it.

On the docket for 2016:  Looking forward to losing myself in the story of All the Light We Cannot See (I’ve heard good things).  Hoping to prompt some intense introspection with My Bright Abyss.  And boldly adding Atlas Shrugged to the list, as it’s been taunting me from my bookshelf for about five years now, intimidating me with its heft.  Bring it.

2016, I’m comin’ for ya, but first, a look back at last year’s faves, to properly memorialize 2015’s goodness:

Favorite movie:

I think we made it to the movies a total of one time last year, but we hit Netflix pretty hard from the comfort of our couch.  We randomly happened upon Tig one night and were hooked from the start – it was refreshing to watch something heartfelt and real, to get a glimpse of this woman’s indefatigable spirit.

Favorite TV show:

This one almost went to Mad Men, but…Parenthood for the win!  Shane, in all his cinematic snobbery, is probably shuddering as he reads this, but I’ll take a sappy Braverman family softball game over Don Draper’s spiral of self destruction any day.

(Honorable mentions to Catastrophe and Girls.)

Favorite podcast:

I’m finally getting on board with this podcast thing, queuing up a list of episodes for my lunchtime walks or my rare moments of solo driving.  My favorites all tend to be the podcasts where you’re really connected to the hosts, where it feels like you’re hanging out with them while they chit-chat and tell stories, and Reply All nailed it several times this year.  PJ and Alex are super-likable guys – I dare you to listen to Today’s the Day without cracking a smile.

Favorite album:

I still remember the day a few months ago when a chat message popped up from Shane on my phone:  “Have you heard Ryan Adams’ new cover of Taylor Swift’s album?!”  I opened up Spotify within seconds and did a search for 1989, and oooooohhhhhhh my word.  I spent the rest of the afternoon texting Shane:  “Oh my gosh – did you listen to Bad Blood?!  Clean is blowing my mind.  This is too good!”  I don’t want to over-hype it, but I’ve been a Ryan Adams groupie for years and a closet Taylor Swift fan for quite some time, and this album kind of rocked my world.

Favorite app:

Wunderlist, Wunderlist, Wunderlist!  I’m a compulsive list-maker, and this app is an organizational fiend’s dream.  I use it to track my personal to-do’s, my work to-do’s, our weekly meal plan, my shopping lists for the grocery store and Target and Costco.  A number of my lists are shared with Shane, so if he’s out running errands and offers to stop at Costco, I just tell him to check the list.  If he’s hanging at home and looking for something to do, he can check our weekly cleaning list and see what needs to be vacuumed or scrubbed (ok, this has never happened, but I can hope!).

Favorite meal:

We didn’t make it out for many fancy meals last year, but as I was flipping through some old photos on my phone, I came across this one from Taylor Shellfish in Pioneer Square and my mouth started to water.  Shane and I dropped Juliette off with the Rusts on his birthday and spent a couple of hours here drinking Cava and slurping oysters and soaking up the broth of steamed clams with a crispy baguettte.  Simple but scrumptious.

Favorite purchase:

Easy call – win goes to the new car!  Loving our Forester.  Not just because of the heated seats and the panoramic sunroof and the relative ease of strapping Juliette into her higher-up carseat, but because it’s caused an unexpected-but-fun change in the way we spend our weekends.  Hey!  We’re mountains-and-snow people now!

Favorite professional moment:

I shared this photo in 2014’s update and talked about how exciting it was to see this project coming together.

And…Ta-da!  It’s done.  It looks amazing.  Standing in the center of this atrium, seeing the light stream in from the skylight that I looked at only on paper for so, so long, watching the researchers move in and out of their labs and collaborate with one another on very meaningful work in a space that I helped design…these are the mountaintop moments of being an architect.

(photo by Hedrich Blessing)

Favorite days:

This was grand:

As was this:

And this video will forever make me grin from ear to ear:

Nicely done, 2015.  Nicely done.

Hellllloooooooo 2016!  We ended 2015 with a bang, with snow and champagne and fireworks.

Since Juliette’s daycare was open on New Years Eve but Shane and I both had the day off, we dropped the kiddo at school and reveled in our freedom by heading to the mountains with Jason and Nance for a day of cross-country skiing.

It was cold out there, but clear and absolutely gorgeous.

And once I found my stride and really got going, the numbness in my fingers and toes waned.  I can see why Shane has fallen in love with this sport – it’s hard work, but also invigorating and kind of soothing.

We made it as far as this serene lookout over Keechelus Lake…

Which seemed like a perfect place to pause and toast with a little tipple from Shane’s flask.

Once we’d caught our breath, we headed back toward the car, making good time on the return leg – I was kind of getting the hang of this skiing thing!

Made it!

We warmed ourselves with lunch at Kukai ramen in Bellevue on the way home and then squeezed in a quick couch doze before heading out to pick up Juliette and then hit the beach.  Brian and Nicole were bonfire-ing over at Alki and that seemed like a perfect place to watch the sun go down on 2015.

The Rust clan came over for dinner and we partied hard until about 8:00.  That champagne I mentioned earlier?  We cracked open the bottle at 7:30.  And those fireworks?  I vaguely remember hearing them around midnight, as I rolled over in bed and sleepily muttered “it’s tooooo loud!”  We’re wild, I know.

Speaking of wild, though, there are hundreds of crazies that jump into the freezing cold Puget Sound from Alki beach every New Years morning!  Shane, Jules, and I decided to head over there Friday morning to watch the show.

And to cheer on Jason and his sister.  I suspect these two might have a slight adrenaline addiction.

Gosh, they’re fun, though!

Brian and Nicole were also there, but we’d missed seeing them take the group plunge.  I joked that I really wanted a group pic, which apparently was all the incentive they needed to jump right back in!

Nuts, I tell you.

We went back to Jason and Nancy’s with the Polar Bears for hot coffee and treats – we’ve been brunching at their house on New Years day for a few years running now.  But this was the first time baby E joined the mix!  Juliette was very excited by the prospect of holding a real, live baby doll.

We passed the rest of the day at home, mellowing out after a couple of busy days.  Shane and I spent the evening talking about the year to come, planning vacations and making goals, building anticipation and excitement about what 2016 may hold.

Like…more snow days!  We loaded the sled and our snow gear into the car yesterday morning and set out for Hyak.  It was another gorgeous day in the mountains, but also super-duper cold.  Jules tolerated the biting wind for about five minutes…

And then didn’t want to do anything but nuzzle into Daddy’s chest.

We tried to shake it off, but this picture says it all…

Shane and I each had a couple of fun runs on the sled, and Jules was a good sport, but it wasn’t long before we packed it up and called it a day.  We’ll give the snow another go on a 30-degree-plus kind of day.

This kid was done.

But man, she sure perked up once we were all tucked into the car with hot cider and snacks!  A blanket, a banana, and a warm drink, and she was exclaiming, “that was fun, mama!”

Cheers to 2016.  It’s going to be good.

We’ve been to Portland, we’ve opened gifts, Juliette has mastered the first two verses of Away in a Manger, and now I’m making my peace with the fact that it’s time to take down our increasingly droopy Christmas tree and call it a wrap.  But Christmastime 2015 sure was good while it lasted…

We headed down to Portland on Christmas Eve with a trunk full of gifts and baked goodies.  Juliette was a champ in the car – I didn’t have to resort to pulling out the candy canes until we were just a few miles from the Oregon border.

We spent the afternoon lounging around the house, snacking and doing puzzles and testing the waters of Mitch and Kathryn’s new hot tub.

All three girls were completely mesmerized when we turned on The Polar Express after dinner.  I told Juliette to sit back and relax, but the excitement was just too much!

Christmas morning was a gift-opening bonanza, as the kids tore into present after present.

And then…that magic blanket of quiet that falls over the house as the kids play with their new toys and the grown-ups pour themselves another round of coffee.

Interrupted only by a brief-but-hilarious puppet show, courtesy of Auntie Kathryn.

By late morning we were all ready for some fresh air, so we donned our hats and jackets and headed outdoors for a few laps around the front yard and a trip to the park.

Juliette falls a little more in love with Elise with each visit.  “Elise, sit by me?  Elise, hold my hand?  Where Elise go?  Eliiiiiiise?”

I made sure Morgan knew that if she ever felt the least bit left out, I was ready and willing to hug it out!

Mitch pulled off a killer Christmas meal, complete with country ham and smoked brisket and roasted veggies.  There was much to toast to at dinner that night.

We spent Saturday morning at Westmoreland Park, braving the cold for the sake of letting the kids get their wiggles out.

This is my dad doing his best Mary Tyler Moore.  Nailed it.

Cousins!

The afternoon was quiet – naps and Magna Tiles and books.

And then Jules woke up!

Shane and I decided to beat the Sunday traffic and hit the road back to Seattle Saturday night, hopeful that Juliette would snooze in the car.  And what better way to tucker out a toddler pre-drive than a living room dance party?!

Things got crazy.

My brother is the best.

We said our farewells and tucked Juliette into her car seat for the long ride home.  I felt those first twinges of the post-Christmas blues while we were on the road – sad that the anticipation was over, disappointed that Shane and my poor mom had been laid up with colds for much of our time in Portland, a little nostalgic for years gone by as I reminisced about Christmases past when Elise and then Morgan and then Juliette were wee little babies.  Gosh, how time flies.

I didn’t wallow for long, though – Sunday was a perfect, cozy day at home and I reveled in seeing Juliette enjoy her gifts (those Magna Tiles are money!) and then tidying up, doing an end-of-the-year closet purge so that we start 2016 off on an organized note.

And it turned out there was still merriment to be had!  We took Juliette to see the lights at Gene Coulon last night to put one last check mark on our list of holiday traditions.

It was a crisp, clear gorgeous night.

Blues, shmoos – this kid has been all joy this past week.

And with that, I think I’m ready for the New Year.  Praise be to God for a blessed Christmas season.

It’s been a jolly month, packed with all of our favorite traditions.  We’ve spent lots of time with the gang, eating and drinking and shopping/sledding (more on that later),  and the house feels extra-cozy, lit by the sparkle of our Christmas tree.

Gosh, I love a good tree.  And ten years of trekking out to Mountain Creek Tree Farm has made us experts in the art of tree-choosing.  I wanted to bring Juliette fully on board with the excitement of the tree hunt and spent the whole drive out to North Bend pumping her up. “We’re going to find the perfect Christmas tree!!!  This will be so fun!  Christ-mas tree!  Christ-mas tree!  Christ-mas tree!”  I was bound and determined, she would love it.

But after wandering among the pines for 45 seconds, I could see she was unimpressed.  She looked up at me and whined, “Where’s my Christmas treat, mamaaaaa?”

Thank goodness for that rogue Halloween lollipop I found buried at the bottom of my purse!

Once sugared up, Juliette was ready to get in on the game of choosing a tree.  The whole concept of appropriate sizing was lost on her, though…

Finally, we spotted it!  A perfect Fraser Fir.  Tall but not too tall, full but not too full – a few hacks and it was ours!

A tree that good deserves an apple cider cheers.

Juliette helped me trim the tree that night – I gave her a little felted penguin as this year’s ornament and she proudly hung it up.  Then took it down.  She’s been carrying it around with her ever since, sleeping with it in her crib every night.  Next year I’ll give her something a little less cuddly.

One of the most cherished things on my December calendar is my annual weekend getaway with Nance and La Verne.  We had such a great time at Cedarbrook Lodge last year that we decided to book a room there again for a night of eating/lounging/livin’ la vida kid-free.  But first, shopping!  We spent the afternoon at the Auburn Supermall, starting with a leisurely perusal through J Crew and Loft and Old Navy, and ending with a mad tear through Gap and Banana Republic for a few last purchases before heading to the hotel for check-in.

We did good.

We spent the evening soaking in the hot tub and then stuffing ourselves at the hotel restaurant.  I woke up on Sunday morning relaxed, refreshed, and a little surprised to see that I’d slept until 9 am!  That hasn’t happened in…27 months!

It’s hard for me to put into words how much these ladies mean to me.  Seriously, it’s hard – when La Verne started to express her gratitude for our friendship over breakfast, I got all choked up and misty-eyed.  Suffice to say, I love them like sisters.

As we lingered over our morning coffee, I wondered how Shane and Jules were faring.  Answer:  GREAT.  He and Jason had taken the kids up to the mountains for some snow-packed adventures, and Juliette was lovin’ that freshy-freshy-pow-pow.

The whole weekend had gone off without a hitch – so well, in fact, that we’re already talking about next year!  Up to the ante to two nights away, maybe?

Finally, FONDUE.  December just wouldn’t feel right without gathering the whole gang together around pots of melted cheese.  First, though, some appetite-building at the Seward Park Pre-Fondue 5K.  Nailed it.

And a quick run up to the mountains for some sledding and snow-gazing.  Shane has become quite the snow-bird this month and has taken an intense interest in mountains and cross-country skiing (I think it’s the new all-wheel drive car).  Jules and I wanted in on the fun, so we tossed our new sled and all our warmest clothes into the trunk and headed east!  We ended up at the Hyak Snow Park, impressed by their monster sledding hill.

Juliette had a blast, tearing down the hill with Shane.  I decided to give it a go – Juliette nestled into my lap and we were off!

And it was super fun, until the sled started to tip a bit and I had to put my boot out to level us – the ensuing snow-spray was pretty unpleasant.  I’m afraid Juliette’s laughter quickly turned to tears.

So we took a snack break in a snow bank while Shane headed out for a short run on his skis.

(Meet Subaru Shane!)

We cajoled Juliette into one last run down the hill and left on a high note.

We warmed ourselves that evening at Jack and La Verne’s house, feasting on cheese-dipped bread and veggies, then chocolate-dipped marshmallows and fruit.  The White Elephant gift exchange is a critical part of the evening program, and people really stepped up their game this year.

Baby A was surprised to find that the amber liquid in that cute little bottle tasted nothing like apple juice (kidding, it’s not open!).

“What…is this?” was muttered throughout the evening.

There was much, much cheering when Jason opened the one remaining gift to find…a goldfish!

Christmas came early this year, huh, Gryff?

We wrapped up the night with our active rendition of the The Twelve Days of Christmas.  Everyone had a different part to mime, and wow, by my fifth round of playing the swan-a-swimming, I was out of breath!

Things wound down after that as people rushed their little ones home to bed.  Ok, clearly, these big kids are not winding down.  I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here – are they trying pull that poor boy’s limbs off?

Jules and Nico snuck in one last duet before we said our good-byes.

We capped off our merry weekend with our annual “family dinner” with the Rusts and the Chens on Sunday evening.  Jack popped open the best bottle of champagne I’ve ever tasted, Nance whipped up her special soup and homemade biscuits, we exchanged gifts and kicked back, savoring all the joy in that house.

Happy holidays, friends.

I missed last month’s update, but that’s ok - the changes in Juliette are coming a little slower these days and I dare say we’ve settled into a pretty good rhythm with easy daycare drop-offs and fuss-free bedtimes.  Two isn’t so terrible after all!  Ok, admittedly, she is prone mood swings and has perfected an Oscar-worthy pout…

But she’s also silly and fun, easily moved to contagious bouts of laughter when I turn around from the front seat and make funny faces.

She’s such a proficient little talker now that I’m able to make out about 85% of what she says.  That last of bit botched vocabulary is pretty great, hearing her exclaim “turkey-pie!” when we get to the porcupine page of her animals book or say “I don’t how to know, Mama!” when she doesn’t know how to do something.  She’s constantly requesting her “co-co-dot” pj’s at bedtime, and when I remind her that it’s “puh-puh-POLKA-dots”, she replies confidently with “puh-puh-CO-CO-dots!”.  There was frustration felt on both sides when she pinched her finger last week and spent 10 minutes asking for a “bon-dod”, but when she pulled the sticker off my new pair of socks and put it on her finger, I finally understood she really wanted a band-aid.

Favorite pastimes these days are smearing chapstick all over her face while I get ready in the morning, handing me one article of clothing at a time from the laundry basket as I load the washer, and cooking or doing dishes – whenever I’m in the kitchen, she pulls over a chair from the dining room to climb up and “help”.  She’s my right-hand gal, for better or for worse.

(Mostly for better.)

But as much as she loves mama-time, Fridays with buddies can’t be beat.  We’ve been resourceful these past few wet weeks, hitting play gyms at Rainier Beach and West Seattle and Bellevue.  I try not to think about the proliferation of germs in these ball pits and plastic slides, because I figure those grins are worth a case of the sniffles!

And when there’s a break in the rain, out we go!  Fifteen minutes of climbing around in the greenbelt near our house does us both a world of good when we’re feeling cooped up and cranky.

When she’s not plastering the backseat with stickers or pleading for a snack, she’s singing, and singing, and singing.

Little did I know, her repeated rendition of “Welcome, Welcome” was in preparation for her school’s winter program!  She got up on stage with her classmates a couple of weeks ago and sang her little heart out, making her way through four whole songs.  I was so proud of her.  And a little bit heartbroken – this was the first time I was strictly a spectator, watching from a distance while she sang songs I hadn’t taught her with teachers and kids I honestly hardly know…  I’ve become used to her sticking extra-close to my side when we’re together and suddenly she looked so independent up there.  My big girl!

Melancholy aside, the whole thing was pretty stinkin’ adorable.

Happy 27 months, you big goof-ball.  You’re a little older, a little wiser, but no less fun!

December came fast this year, on the heels of a particularly busy November.  Last month started with Shane recovering from a nasty bike accident (he’s ok now, but dang it if that didn’t scare the bejeezus out of me!); and then we bought a new car, which was exciting but also laden with that feeling of anxiety that naturally comes with any five-figure purchase; and then we decided to move forward with finally hiring someone to tear out our filthy downstairs carpet and lay new tile, which spiraled into a whole painting/plumbing/cleaning frenzy, complete with about 14 trips to Home Depot; and Shane’s job has kicked into overdrive, and Juliette’s been, well, two, and time’s flying by at warp speed.

So I panicked for a moment when I sat in church last Sunday and realized that Advent had already started (in November, no less!), as I hadn’t yet given the season much thought, other than a vague resolution to make it incredibly meaningful.  Whoops.  My mind raced as I wrestled with what I thought Advent 2015 should look like.  I felt called to grieve deeply and intentionally for the tragedy and violence that seems to be engulfing our world, while also keeping my eyes fixed on the hope of God’s promise.  I was struck that this is the year that Juliette needs to come to a true understanding of the meaning of Christmas (she knows the words “baby” and “donkey” and “star”, so she must be ready, right?!).  And of course, we needed to exemplify the utmost selflessness and generosity and warmth.  The pressure was on!

But after browsing Pinterest for “toddler advent activities” and determining that Jules and I wouldn’t be making our own nativity scene from popsicle sticks and quilting squares, and feeling completely overwhelmed by the challenge of finding a rhythm of meditation that adequately acknowledges the dark of the world and the light of God, I settled on keeping it simple.  We’re reading the Christmas story to Juliette every night and have added Away In A Manger to our rotation of bedtime lullabies.  I’ve opened up my dusty prayer journal and am spending a few minutes by the light of the tree each evening, putting words to both my grief and my gratitude.

We’re also pointing wildly and shouting “CHRISTMAS LIIIIIIIIGHTS!” every time we pass a decked-out house, reveling in Juliette’s unabated excitement over the gaudiest of displays.  We’re listening to A Charlie Brown Christmas during marathon Lego sessions.  I’m queuing up my holiday movie watchlist and digging my knitting needles out of the closet.  We’re stocking our fridge with eggnog (and our liquor cabinet with brandy).  We’re taking a breath, entering this season of anticipation with a quiet joy.

Advent, I’m so glad you’re here.