little black journal

Nearly a year ago, I blogged about my all-time favorite albums and TV shows – and while Six Feet Under and Siamese Dream are still what I would call ‘timeless classics’, I do have a few current faves to add to the list.

Shane hooked me on HBO’s The Wire a few months ago.  I resisted for a long time, not really into the violence-ridden scenes from the streets of Baltimore, but somewhere along the way, I stopped tolerating this show and started loving it.  It’s not just about hustlin’ drugs on the streets of West Baltimore – it’s about the flawed systems of politics and education and media and how the suit-wearing mayor leaning back in his plush leather chair is not as far removed as you might think from the young kid selling cocaine on a shady corner on the other side of town.  Shane recently read an interview with David Simon, the show’s writer/producer, who stated, “American entertainment does nothing but sell redemption and easy victories 24-7”.  And The Wire certainly is not about warm fuzzies and feel-good endings.  It’s tough to watch.  But soooo worth it.

That said, I actually love a show full of redemption and easy victories, so I’ve been balancing my Wire-watching with new episodes of Parenthood.  Shane will roll his eyes when he reads this, since he doesn’t seem to feel the slightest connection to any of the show’s flawed-but-lovable characters, but I’ve come to look forward to this family drama each week.  It feels real to me – like I’m truly getting a glimpse into the struggles and joys associated with raising young kids and teen-agers and middle-aged sons and daughters with families of their own.  True, too many of the episodes wrap up with a family-wide group-hug resolution reminiscent of Full House, but whatever – I’m a sucker for a tender moment, so I’ll keep watching (and admittedly even shed a tear or two).

Music-wise, my playlist has taken a turn lately.  I still love Ryan Adams and Coldplay and Bon Iver, but I’ve also come to appreciate a song I can move to.  What started only as my ‘workout playlist’ (have you tried running on a treadmill to Damien Rice?  doesn’t work.) has made its way into regular rotation when I’m in the car or at my desk.  Yes – I’m on a hip-hop/R&B kick lately, getting in touch with the inner groove I never knew I had.  Favorite albums are Free Wired by Far East Movement, and Rokstarr by Taio Cruz.  Don’t judge me.  I also happen to think Lady Gaga is pretty fabulous.  Seriously, don’t judge me.

When I’m not in the mood for something that’s going to bring on that annoying lip-syncing, head-bopping thing, I keep coming back to Sufjan Stevens.  Seven Swans is decidedly my favorite album of his – it’s not going to motivate you to shave 5 seconds off your mile run, but it will dig deep, and tug at your soul.  Perfect mellow-out tunage – if I ever actually make a habit of turning off the TV/computer/iPhone, lighting some candles, and just sitting back to genuinely chill (why is this so hard for me?), it will be with this playing in the background.

Since we just said a sad good-bye to the final episode of the Wire, and since “Like A G6” is bound to lose its catchiness sooner or later, I’m on the lookout for shows and albums to fill these shoes.  Recommendations?

I have come to believe that three-day weekends should be the new standard (as opposed to the one-day weekends I’ve been having for the past month or so).  And so I took today off as a post-deadline stress-detox kind of day, to get some rest and catch up on a few to-do’s.  And it was lovely.  I started the day off with a solid workout, came home just in time for an appointment to have our windows measured for blinds (part of our dining room makeover), got our dinner into the crock pot, cleaned up the house a bit, made myself a yummy-but-healthy lunch, and then had every intention to continue my productive streak by painting the dining room and attacking the mound of laundry that has begun to crawl out of our closet.  But then I sat down on the couch, and sitting turned into laying, and laying turned into napping, and I figured I’d had just about enough ‘to-do’-ing for one day.  There’s no shame in some hard-earned relaxation.  I rolled off the couch mid-afternoon and realized I still hadn’t had my celebratory day-off latte, so I got in the car and made the trek up to Queen Anne to check out Le Reve – a French bakery that I’ve heard some buzz about and wanted to check out.  I can’t give this place a solid two thumbs up, since I’m not a fan of their ‘no laptop’ policy, and my eclair was served more chilled than I like it, but nonetheless, with my book, my coffee, and the knowledge that on any other typical Friday afternoon I’d be plugging away at the office, I couldn’t complain.

Ten minutes after getting back to the house, Shane called me from his way home and asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink at St. Dames – a neighborhood joint that recently opened and shows definite promise as our personal ‘Cheers’.  I have already taken a liking to both their head server/owner and their Happy Hour Cabernet, and it’s exciting to have a cozy joint like this one just two blocks away from our house.

We ended the day with a rousing game of Settlers with Jason and Nance.  Once I was able to tame my losing-and-bitter-about-it attitude, the night ended up being lots of fun, with plenty of laughs and homemade cake and the joy of just chillin’ out with good friends on a Friday night.

It was a great day.  And the best part?  The weekend has just begun…

I woke up this morning feeling a little antsy, so I turned to Shane over our breakfast and said, “Let’s have an adventure today.”  Now, considering our January routine of hunkering down inside on the weekends, spending Saturdays napping, reading, and watching football, even a walk around a block could be deemed an ‘adventure’.  It being our month of frugality and all, with no non-essential spending allowed, we haven’t made it out of the house a whole lot.  So we threw around a list of ‘free dates’ and decided to drive 15 minutes south of our house to check out Kubota Garden – a Japanese garden we’ve been meaning to visit since we first heard some friends talk about it a couple of years ago.  I had my thermos of hot tea in hand, my coziest scarf wound around my neck, and we were off!  I was thrilled (seriously, if you knew how many hours I’ve spent on the couch over the last couple of weeks, you would think I had a case of either agoraphobia or mono).  The second we got in the car, it started to rain – bummer…  But I convinced myself that it might not actually be raining 5 miles south of our house, and rain always seems to be falling harder than it really is when you’re driving through it, so we pushed on.  And…we pulled up to the garden entrance and found that it was indeed raining in Renton.  Go figure.  But I was determined to have my adventure, dammit, so I coerced Shane out of the car and we did actually enjoy a pleasant (but wet) stroll through the garden.  I was able to snap a few pictures, breathe some fresh air, and do something out of the ordinary, which was really what the day was all about.  Plus, after our chilly little outdoor bout, my special spot on the couch felt so much warmer, and the hot chocolate I made tasted so much sweeter.  So it was worth it.

Tonight I was tasked with taking down our beloved Christmas tree – one of my most un-favorite things about the holiday season.  There are few things sadder than a pile of dried-up pine needles where a fresh, green, well-lit beacon of holiday joy once stood.  But time moves on, and if I have to wait another 11 months for the scent of pine and the glow of twinkle lights to grace our living room, so be it.  ‘Cause this year is showing some definite promise.  Shane and I have been talking a lot lately about things we want to do this year – places we want to go, people we want to see, books that we want to read, etc, etc…  It’s fun to dream and to goal-set and to populate our calendar with things to look forward to.  It’s even more fun to hop on-line and buy plane tickets to far-off places, so I called my mom the other day and asked her if she’d be up for a trip to Florida to visit our family out there and take a mini-break from the Northwest winter.  She hesitated for all of…1 second, then gave me the go-ahead to book it.  So in a couple of months, I’m off to the sunshine state!  Shane and I have a couple of other vacation options up our sleeve for later in the year, and are enjoying a temporary detour into the land of endless possibilities – we’ll see where this little jaunt actually lands us.  Is life about the journey, or about the destination?  Hard to say sometimes…

And here we go: cheers to a brand new year!  We kicked of 2011 at home, with a crock pot of mulled wine, a few of our closest friends, and an X-box dance party that will go down in the books as…laughable.  Our chill little get-together turned into something of a slumber party, and we had a good time making breakfast together this morning and getting out to enjoy a walk in the cold-but-lovely sunshine.

I spent the afternoon putting together our 2011 calendar – one photo from each month of 2010 to welcome us into 2011.  As I sorted through a year’s worth of pictures, I came to two realizations:  1) I have waaaaay too many pictures of Shane skipping stones and hitting rocks with sticks, and 2)  2010 was stuffed with all kinds of awesome.  From our frugal January walks in the park to our May anniversary getaway in Bainbridge Island to the December arrival of my precious niece, the past year was filled with so many simple pleasures, grand adventures, and extra-special moments.  Looking forward to seeing what the next 12 months will hold…

I’m not one for New Years resolutions – I’ve simply come to accept that I might never shed that five pounds that would allow me to wear my skinny jeans without a booty-hiding sweater; it’s not in the cards for me to prepare a healthy, home-cooked meal seven nights a week; and really, much to Shane’s chagrin, I’m just not a punctual person.  Love it or…deal with it.  However, I do believe that the end of the year is a good time to ‘take inventory’ – spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc…  And if I find that my boat is a bit off-course, what better time to redirect it?  As I sit here with my cup of coffee in our quiet home, wrapped up in a blanket while temperatures drop to below-freezing outside, I think, “Life is good.”  And it’s good for reasons beyond just hot coffee and cozy blankies (though those two things rank pretty high on my list of happiness-makers).

Career-wise, this year has been challenging, and frustrating at times, but it has also been the most professionally fulfilling year I’ve had thus far.  I certainly started the year on a high note, when I received word that I had passed my final architectural licensing exam, and then there was a bit of let-down when I realized how little that actually impacted my day-to-day responsibilities, but slowly, throughout the course of the year, I’ve been taking more and more ownership of my project while becoming a more and more integral part of the larger project team. And I like it – I like the balance of ownership and collaboration.  There have been several moments over the past few years when I questioned whether or not I’m really in the right profession, and I’m finding that those “Oh, crap…” kind of moments are becoming less and less frequent.  This is a good thing.

Physically, I’m giving myself a B+.  Still in the routine of running and doing yoga, and all in all, I feel really good.  With the exception of my little fish-taco-induced ‘episode’ in Sayulita, I think I managed to make it through the entire year without being sick.  However, I knocked myself out of A-status due to the fact that I never even came close to accomplishing my monumental 100-push-up goal.  I tapped out at 28, out of sheer wimpy-ness and lack of determination.  I let myself down on that one…  And as I mentioned above, it might be nice to shed just a few pounds, but then again, I have decided that I love chocolate too much to obsess over this elusive weight loss.  Heidi Klum might have a body to die for, but I bet she doesn’t get to revel in an after-dinner bowl of ice cream or few squares of mint dark chocolate.  Bummer for her…  I’m fit, but still allow myself the occasional (read: nightly) indulgences.  And I’m happier for it.

Emotionally, I’m calling myself, ‘content’.  This largely has to do with how well the major relationships on my life are doing.  Shane and I are feeling pretty on-track lately, spending quite a bit of time just hangin’ out and talking with each other – checking in, setting goals, and remembering the importance of laughter.  It’s nice when your spouse consistently makes you smile.  I’m also extremely grateful for family, both mine and Shane’s, and feel very lucky that my biggest concern is just that we can’t spend more time with them.  Our friendships here in Seattle continue to deepen, and I continue to wonder what we would do without this group of people that have become our Seattle family.  So many meals, weekends, adventures, etc. have been shared with our closest friends over the past year.  And it’s been damn fun.

So, I know I’ve painted a pretty peachy picture thus far, but in truth, there are a couple of areas in my life that fall under the ‘Needs Improvement’ heading.  Artistically, I’m feeling rather un-fulfilled.  I had so much momentum and energy going into my artwork several months ago, as I was learning about new media and preparing for my art show.  Then…I fizzled.  I haven’t been to the encaustic or print studio since June.  And I really, really miss it.  But it’s nothing that a little kick in the pants can’t cure, so I’ll probably be enlisting the help of Shane to deliver that kick.  He’s good at doing that, in his stern-but-encouraging sort of way.

And spiritually?  Errrrrr…I’m not even sure how to distill the state of my soul down to a status update.  Is this a bad thing?  Maybe (of course I’d love to be able to say, “Me and God are BFF’s!”), but maybe not (it’s ok to be unsure, as long as I’m fully engaged in the question).  But I’m not engaged – I’ve been playing the old “Catch you Later” game with God for awhile now, and I think “Later” has arrived.

Lastly, some of my old friendships need some TLC.  I don’t talk to my closest, oldest friends in California nearly as often as I’d like to, even though I know that these are relationships worth investing in.  My best friend is engaged and getting married within the next year, and I desperately want to be there for her as she looks at wedding dresses and dreams about marriage and family. There aren’t many people in my life with whom I can reminisce about my teenage years (for better or for worse), and these friends that have seen me through so many stages of life should be cherished and held close.

Much to be thankful for, much to be mindful of.  Bring on 2011.

Yes, the past several days have been filled with a heaping helping of Holiday comfort and joy.  Last weekend, we participated in our C-group’s 4th annual fondue party, complete with gluttonous amounts of melted cheese and chocolate, a white elephant gift exchange in which everyone unloaded their tacky, odd, or just plain laugh-able belongings, and, of course, our 12 Days of Christmas sing-along charade (I played the part of the French Hen; Shane starred as the Drummer Drumming).

The next morning, Shane and I gathered with the tried-and-true few to run our 3rd annual post-fondue 5k, making at least a small step toward offsetting the previous night’s caloric overload.  But any caloric burn was then offset by a post-run brunch at Both Ways Cafe.  Ah, well, we tried…  Much of the remaining weekend was spent enjoying the warmth of our home, watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy, doing a little baking, and reading by the light of our Christmas tree.

Last night, Shane and I shared an epic steak dinner with Jack and La Verne downtown – three hours after we set foot into the restaurant, we rolled out of there, fatter, happier, and brimming with thankfulness for good food and good friends.  I left work early today to come home and whip up another batch of Christmas goodies, get the family’s gifts wrapped, and generally revel in the joy and anticipation that is Advent.

I will admit, as the wrapping paper littered the living room floor and the batter-caked mixing bowls piled up the sink, my pre-Christmas comfort and joy temporarily turned into pre-Christmas frazzle and backache.  But everything eventually came together, my to-do’s got done, and I’m enjoying the chance for a quiet moment to sit down and re-read the Christmas story.

“The angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.'”  – Luke 2:10-11

Joy, indeed.

The holiday season always seems to throw me into a bit of an emotional whirlwind – lots of high highs and low lows.  I get all gushy and reflective; memories and feelings that might lay dormant for months at a time suddenly surface, making me want to laugh and cry and be alone and be with every single person I love all at the same time.  It’s a tizzy.  But it’s good.  The past couple of weeks, what’s stood out to me more than the joy of Christmas traditions or the melancholy of missing loved ones and loved places is the overwhelming sense that I am blessed.  This realization has hit me again and again and again – I am blessed.  In the middle of the night when I was woken by the sound of monsoon-like rains, I prayed for the thousands of homeless people in my city and thought about how fortunate I am to be able to snuggle deeper under the covers and shun the cold from my warm, cozy bed.  As we sang Christmas carols with our community group, while our dear friends Brian and Nicole listened in from Africa via Skype, I thought, “Thank you, Jesus, for this surrogate family”.  As I eagerly await the arrival of my soon-to-be-born niece, I imagine what it will feel like to hold her in my arms for the first time on Christmas Eve and I want to fall to my knees and praise God for babies and family and brand-new life.  As I sip my cup of hot green tea and read by the light of our gift-laden Christmas tree, I think, “God, you didn’t have to give me all this”.  But He did it anyway.

“From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.”  – John 1:16