little black journal

This month has felt long.  Heavy at times, often stressful, full of days that were so short on daylight as darkness seemingly stretched on and on and on.

But I look back at my photos and see there were also a few weekend gems in there, days when the sun came out and we braved the cold for a breath of fresh air.  We took a sunset walk at Lincoln Park a couple of weeks ago and were reminded that winter does have its charm, in the form of snow-capped mountains and soft, pink light.

Jules and N found wintertime joy as they frolicked in the snow at Hyak on MLK Jr. Day.  I had to work and missed the fun, but these photos from La Verne were too good not to share!

And thank goodness for last Sunday’s SUNday.  Shane, Jules, and I hopped in the car before lunchtime and jetted toward Seahurst Park to grab some rays and do some beach-combing.  I texted the gang to see if they also needed some Vitamin D.  They did.

Shane’s friend Steve visited us this weekend and we went back to Lincoln Park this morning to brag a little on Seattle’s beauty – Jules and I spent most of yesterday cooped up inside while the guys skied and were clearly in need of some physical activity.

While Shane and Steve waxed on about the ethics of football and the theology of Star Wars, Jules and I threw rocks and looked for shells.

I’m ready to flip that calendar page, but I suppose it turns out January didn’t totally suck.

I usually start out each year with a list of about 20 resolutions, then whittle it down to a select few that address varied realms of self-improvement – something health-focused, something relationship-focused, something creatively-focused, something to scratch my organizational itch…  This year, though, I drew a blank. I cribbed two resolutions from where I fell short in 2015 and then got stuck, unable to focus on the broader picture of the year ahead as I got swept up in January preschool visits (how is it that time already?!), and a work deadline, and then Making A Murderer (watch it!  actually, DON’T.).  After spending some time this weekend mulling over what I want to accomplish in 2016, this is where I landed.  I have this nagging feeling that I’m not being quite ambitious enough, that something’s missing, but these dark rainy days have sucked the moxie right out of me and I’m tapped out.  Maybe I’ll do Resolutions Round 2 in the spring, when I’m not tempted to hit the hay at 8:30 pm every night.  Round 1 is as follows:

Make art with Juliette every week.  I gave this one a shot last year and found it to be harder than expected, but I’m tackling it with renewed vigor.  So far, so good – Juliette and I pulled out the pom pom’s and paint yesterday afternoon, and after dabbing a few orange dots on the paper, she looked up at me and exclaimed with great pride, “I made a duck butt, Mama!  I made a duck butt!”  That was all the incentive I needed to keep the art projects rolling.

Get out of auto-mode with my camera.  Also from last year.  Hoping that 2016 is the year I graduate from occasionally-lucky amateur photographer to well-informed amateur photographer.

No angry-yelling at Juliette.  I’ve actually had this one on my mind for awhile, but felt nervous about putting it down on paper as I feel destined to fail.  I mean, she’s two.  And stubborn as all get-out.  This happens at least once a week: I’m standing by the door holding her coat and she’s looking me right in the eyes with her arms defiantly folded across her chest and I’m saying “please, honey, be a helper” and then I’m suddenly shouting, “JULIETTE GRACE!  WE’RE LATE!  PUT ON YOUR COAT!”  And while the shouting gives me about seven seconds of anger-expelling relief, regret is always quick to follow.  So I’m committing to patience and kindness, reminding myself to just take a minute and walk away when the treachery of toddlerhood is too much to bear.  (A small point of clarification: yelling for the sake of her safety is ok, as in “STOP!  DO NOT RUN INTO THE ROAD!”.  Mild to moderate raising of my voice for the sake of emphasis is also acceptable.)

Develop a go-to list of 28 recipes, focused on whole, healthy foods.  This one shows promise, as it touches on two of my most favorite things: eating and list-making!  Shane and I have made great strides over the past couple of years in purging processed foods from our diet, but I’m finding myself in a cooking rut, cycling through just a few simple go-to recipes again and again.  So I’m upping my kitchen game, venturing a little further into the produce aisle and trying new things.  If we love eating it and love how we feel after eating it, it makes the list.

Here we go, duck butts and all!

Alright, this is it – my final post on 2015 as I have a come-to-Jesus moment with last year’s resolutions.  It’s a little bleak, but I’m nothing if not a work in progress!

Get out of the house SANS BABY with Shane at least once a month.  We did alright on this one – called a sitter a couple of times, took advantage of the grandparents when they came to visit, and pawned Juliette off on our friends when we were really desperate for an evening out.  I’ve found that what’s actually more important than getting out for date nights is making sure that we find regular times during the week to turn off the TV, let the dirty dishes sit for awhile, and check in/plan/spoon.  That said, I could always use more of this…

so we’ll keep at it.

Make art with Juliette.  Sub-par performance on this one, for sure.  We had a few good afternoons with the watercolors and the finger paints, but too often I let the hassle of getting everything out and then having to clean everything up deter me from quality art-time with Juliette.  So I’m renewing my commitment to kid-focused creativity this year, lining up a variety of projects.  I just ordered Jules her first pair of scissors and a bag of 300 pom-pom’s.  No turning back now.  (Seriously, though, can you see why I was a little weary of getting out the paint?!)

Learn how to make the best use my camera.  Fail.  Total fail.  I’m still taking lots of photos, but have yet to shift out of auto-mode, so I’m giving myself a do-over on this one as well, adding it to my list for 2016.  On a more positive note, I did luck out with a few great shots last year.

Be physically active.  Finally!  One I can call a total success!  I completed my first (and probably last) half-marathon in March, hitting my target time after three months of diligent training and one guns-blazing all-out push to the finish.  I decided after the race that long-distance running isn’t my thing, but I’ve found an exercise schedule that works for me since then, mixing running, walking, and at-home barre3 workouts, targeting 30 minutes+ of focused physical activity at least 1/2 the days of each month.  And I feel good.  Fit.  Mission accomplished.

End the year with less stuff in our house than there is right now.  I just finished “project closet purge” and I’m squeaking by with a pass on this one.  Things still feel tight around here, but after ditching 20 half-skeins of yarn, a box of burned CDs (remember when Spotify playlists weren’t even a thing?!), and the snow globe that Shane gave me on our first Valentines Day, I’m definitely feeling lighter, gratified by the presence of empty space in our closets.

And with that, I’m ready to resolution the heck out of 2016.  Stay tuned.

2016, I’m comin’ for ya, but first, a look back at last year’s faves, to properly memorialize 2015’s goodness:

Favorite movie:

I think we made it to the movies a total of one time last year, but we hit Netflix pretty hard from the comfort of our couch.  We randomly happened upon Tig one night and were hooked from the start – it was refreshing to watch something heartfelt and real, to get a glimpse of this woman’s indefatigable spirit.

Favorite TV show:

This one almost went to Mad Men, but…Parenthood for the win!  Shane, in all his cinematic snobbery, is probably shuddering as he reads this, but I’ll take a sappy Braverman family softball game over Don Draper’s spiral of self destruction any day.

(Honorable mentions to Catastrophe and Girls.)

Favorite podcast:

I’m finally getting on board with this podcast thing, queuing up a list of episodes for my lunchtime walks or my rare moments of solo driving.  My favorites all tend to be the podcasts where you’re really connected to the hosts, where it feels like you’re hanging out with them while they chit-chat and tell stories, and Reply All nailed it several times this year.  PJ and Alex are super-likable guys – I dare you to listen to Today’s the Day without cracking a smile.

Favorite album:

I still remember the day a few months ago when a chat message popped up from Shane on my phone:  “Have you heard Ryan Adams’ new cover of Taylor Swift’s album?!”  I opened up Spotify within seconds and did a search for 1989, and oooooohhhhhhh my word.  I spent the rest of the afternoon texting Shane:  “Oh my gosh – did you listen to Bad Blood?!  Clean is blowing my mind.  This is too good!”  I don’t want to over-hype it, but I’ve been a Ryan Adams groupie for years and a closet Taylor Swift fan for quite some time, and this album kind of rocked my world.

Favorite app:

Wunderlist, Wunderlist, Wunderlist!  I’m a compulsive list-maker, and this app is an organizational fiend’s dream.  I use it to track my personal to-do’s, my work to-do’s, our weekly meal plan, my shopping lists for the grocery store and Target and Costco.  A number of my lists are shared with Shane, so if he’s out running errands and offers to stop at Costco, I just tell him to check the list.  If he’s hanging at home and looking for something to do, he can check our weekly cleaning list and see what needs to be vacuumed or scrubbed (ok, this has never happened, but I can hope!).

Favorite meal:

We didn’t make it out for many fancy meals last year, but as I was flipping through some old photos on my phone, I came across this one from Taylor Shellfish in Pioneer Square and my mouth started to water.  Shane and I dropped Juliette off with the Rusts on his birthday and spent a couple of hours here drinking Cava and slurping oysters and soaking up the broth of steamed clams with a crispy baguettte.  Simple but scrumptious.

Favorite purchase:

Easy call – win goes to the new car!  Loving our Forester.  Not just because of the heated seats and the panoramic sunroof and the relative ease of strapping Juliette into her higher-up carseat, but because it’s caused an unexpected-but-fun change in the way we spend our weekends.  Hey!  We’re mountains-and-snow people now!

Favorite professional moment:

I shared this photo in 2014’s update and talked about how exciting it was to see this project coming together.

And…Ta-da!  It’s done.  It looks amazing.  Standing in the center of this atrium, seeing the light stream in from the skylight that I looked at only on paper for so, so long, watching the researchers move in and out of their labs and collaborate with one another on very meaningful work in a space that I helped design…these are the mountaintop moments of being an architect.

(photo by Hedrich Blessing)

Favorite days:

This was grand:

As was this:

And this video will forever make me grin from ear to ear:

Nicely done, 2015.  Nicely done.

It’s been a jolly month, packed with all of our favorite traditions.  We’ve spent lots of time with the gang, eating and drinking and shopping/sledding (more on that later),  and the house feels extra-cozy, lit by the sparkle of our Christmas tree.

Gosh, I love a good tree.  And ten years of trekking out to Mountain Creek Tree Farm has made us experts in the art of tree-choosing.  I wanted to bring Juliette fully on board with the excitement of the tree hunt and spent the whole drive out to North Bend pumping her up. “We’re going to find the perfect Christmas tree!!!  This will be so fun!  Christ-mas tree!  Christ-mas tree!  Christ-mas tree!”  I was bound and determined, she would love it.

But after wandering among the pines for 45 seconds, I could see she was unimpressed.  She looked up at me and whined, “Where’s my Christmas treat, mamaaaaa?”

Thank goodness for that rogue Halloween lollipop I found buried at the bottom of my purse!

Once sugared up, Juliette was ready to get in on the game of choosing a tree.  The whole concept of appropriate sizing was lost on her, though…

Finally, we spotted it!  A perfect Fraser Fir.  Tall but not too tall, full but not too full – a few hacks and it was ours!

A tree that good deserves an apple cider cheers.

Juliette helped me trim the tree that night – I gave her a little felted penguin as this year’s ornament and she proudly hung it up.  Then took it down.  She’s been carrying it around with her ever since, sleeping with it in her crib every night.  Next year I’ll give her something a little less cuddly.

One of the most cherished things on my December calendar is my annual weekend getaway with Nance and La Verne.  We had such a great time at Cedarbrook Lodge last year that we decided to book a room there again for a night of eating/lounging/livin’ la vida kid-free.  But first, shopping!  We spent the afternoon at the Auburn Supermall, starting with a leisurely perusal through J Crew and Loft and Old Navy, and ending with a mad tear through Gap and Banana Republic for a few last purchases before heading to the hotel for check-in.

We did good.

We spent the evening soaking in the hot tub and then stuffing ourselves at the hotel restaurant.  I woke up on Sunday morning relaxed, refreshed, and a little surprised to see that I’d slept until 9 am!  That hasn’t happened in…27 months!

It’s hard for me to put into words how much these ladies mean to me.  Seriously, it’s hard – when La Verne started to express her gratitude for our friendship over breakfast, I got all choked up and misty-eyed.  Suffice to say, I love them like sisters.

As we lingered over our morning coffee, I wondered how Shane and Jules were faring.  Answer:  GREAT.  He and Jason had taken the kids up to the mountains for some snow-packed adventures, and Juliette was lovin’ that freshy-freshy-pow-pow.

The whole weekend had gone off without a hitch – so well, in fact, that we’re already talking about next year!  Up to the ante to two nights away, maybe?

Finally, FONDUE.  December just wouldn’t feel right without gathering the whole gang together around pots of melted cheese.  First, though, some appetite-building at the Seward Park Pre-Fondue 5K.  Nailed it.

And a quick run up to the mountains for some sledding and snow-gazing.  Shane has become quite the snow-bird this month and has taken an intense interest in mountains and cross-country skiing (I think it’s the new all-wheel drive car).  Jules and I wanted in on the fun, so we tossed our new sled and all our warmest clothes into the trunk and headed east!  We ended up at the Hyak Snow Park, impressed by their monster sledding hill.

Juliette had a blast, tearing down the hill with Shane.  I decided to give it a go – Juliette nestled into my lap and we were off!

And it was super fun, until the sled started to tip a bit and I had to put my boot out to level us – the ensuing snow-spray was pretty unpleasant.  I’m afraid Juliette’s laughter quickly turned to tears.

So we took a snack break in a snow bank while Shane headed out for a short run on his skis.

(Meet Subaru Shane!)

We cajoled Juliette into one last run down the hill and left on a high note.

We warmed ourselves that evening at Jack and La Verne’s house, feasting on cheese-dipped bread and veggies, then chocolate-dipped marshmallows and fruit.  The White Elephant gift exchange is a critical part of the evening program, and people really stepped up their game this year.

Baby A was surprised to find that the amber liquid in that cute little bottle tasted nothing like apple juice (kidding, it’s not open!).

“What…is this?” was muttered throughout the evening.

There was much, much cheering when Jason opened the one remaining gift to find…a goldfish!

Christmas came early this year, huh, Gryff?

We wrapped up the night with our active rendition of the The Twelve Days of Christmas.  Everyone had a different part to mime, and wow, by my fifth round of playing the swan-a-swimming, I was out of breath!

Things wound down after that as people rushed their little ones home to bed.  Ok, clearly, these big kids are not winding down.  I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here – are they trying pull that poor boy’s limbs off?

Jules and Nico snuck in one last duet before we said our good-byes.

We capped off our merry weekend with our annual “family dinner” with the Rusts and the Chens on Sunday evening.  Jack popped open the best bottle of champagne I’ve ever tasted, Nance whipped up her special soup and homemade biscuits, we exchanged gifts and kicked back, savoring all the joy in that house.

Happy holidays, friends.

December came fast this year, on the heels of a particularly busy November.  Last month started with Shane recovering from a nasty bike accident (he’s ok now, but dang it if that didn’t scare the bejeezus out of me!); and then we bought a new car, which was exciting but also laden with that feeling of anxiety that naturally comes with any five-figure purchase; and then we decided to move forward with finally hiring someone to tear out our filthy downstairs carpet and lay new tile, which spiraled into a whole painting/plumbing/cleaning frenzy, complete with about 14 trips to Home Depot; and Shane’s job has kicked into overdrive, and Juliette’s been, well, two, and time’s flying by at warp speed.

So I panicked for a moment when I sat in church last Sunday and realized that Advent had already started (in November, no less!), as I hadn’t yet given the season much thought, other than a vague resolution to make it incredibly meaningful.  Whoops.  My mind raced as I wrestled with what I thought Advent 2015 should look like.  I felt called to grieve deeply and intentionally for the tragedy and violence that seems to be engulfing our world, while also keeping my eyes fixed on the hope of God’s promise.  I was struck that this is the year that Juliette needs to come to a true understanding of the meaning of Christmas (she knows the words “baby” and “donkey” and “star”, so she must be ready, right?!).  And of course, we needed to exemplify the utmost selflessness and generosity and warmth.  The pressure was on!

But after browsing Pinterest for “toddler advent activities” and determining that Jules and I wouldn’t be making our own nativity scene from popsicle sticks and quilting squares, and feeling completely overwhelmed by the challenge of finding a rhythm of meditation that adequately acknowledges the dark of the world and the light of God, I settled on keeping it simple.  We’re reading the Christmas story to Juliette every night and have added Away In A Manger to our rotation of bedtime lullabies.  I’ve opened up my dusty prayer journal and am spending a few minutes by the light of the tree each evening, putting words to both my grief and my gratitude.

We’re also pointing wildly and shouting “CHRISTMAS LIIIIIIIIGHTS!” every time we pass a decked-out house, reveling in Juliette’s unabated excitement over the gaudiest of displays.  We’re listening to A Charlie Brown Christmas during marathon Lego sessions.  I’m queuing up my holiday movie watchlist and digging my knitting needles out of the closet.  We’re stocking our fridge with eggnog (and our liquor cabinet with brandy).  We’re taking a breath, entering this season of anticipation with a quiet joy.

Advent, I’m so glad you’re here.

I received a text from a friend on Friday as I was getting Juliette up from her nap that read, “Prayers for Paris – Suspected terrorist attacks and shootings…”.  She and I had spent a year together studying abroad in Paris and fell head over heels for the city and the language and the culture while we were there.  I scrolled the latest headlines and was overwhelmed with grief as I read about the people that were gunned down at sidewalk cafes, the bombings and shootings that took 89 lives at the the Bataclan theater.  Bataclan is just half a mile from my old apartment – I walked right past it on Thursdays when I’d visit the market on Richard Lenoir.  The lives lost in France certainly aren’t any more valuable than the lives recently lost at the hands of terrorists in Beirut and Baghdad, but damn, this particular act of terror felt so close to me.  I have vivid memories of spending evenings on cafe terraces, drinking red wine with friends, feeling care-free and joy-filled and safe.  And now I can’t shake the image of a man kneeling next to an overturned table, weeping over the body of his dead friend, of blood-spattered pavement and heavily-armed police.  In the midst of this horror, extremists are rejoicing over the lives lost.  Sometimes this world feels suffocatingly dark.  God?  Where the hell are you?

As we stood and sang in church today, I felt a desperate yearning to live into the image of these words:

I think I say this every October (and then again on our first warm, sunny day in May), but Seattle has never looked more beautiful.  I’ve been obsessively toting my camera around (you think?!), wanting to capture every Fall color and texture and hazy glow.

Shane and I were so taken with Ravenna Park when we jogged there a couple of weeks ago that we went back on Saturday for a more leisurely stroll, to wind our way up and down the wooded paths and over the bridges, stopping in open fields of grass for a quick game of tag.

Jules dug around for the biggest leaf she could find and proudly waved her autumn flag.

This. Tree.

And, as icing on our golden cake, a zipline!  Juliette’s new playground favorite.

This season suits her, don’t you think?

On Sunday we set out for our weekly family run, this time at Carkeek Park just north of Ballard.  And once again, Shane’s trail-scouting skills proved absolutely superb.

Mid-loop, we stopped for a breather at the beach – after swooning over all that green and gold, I forgot how much I love blue and gray, too.

We hit the trail for the final leg of our run, not entirely sure where we were going, but…ka-pow!

It was so pretty there that we let Juliette hop back out of the stroller to soak it all in.

Three cheers for Fall!

These colors, this cool, crisp weather – October is killin’ it.  So we’re more than happy to oblige Juliette’s persistent requests for “outside time?  outside time?  outside time?!”.

Last weekend we romped through the Carpinito pumpkin patch with the gang – Juliette went nuts when she saw the mounds of orange and white, momentarily putting down the beloved Percy train she’d borrowed from Nico to grab a pumpkin from the bin.

But ultimately, Percy won.

This was one of those days when I relished her blossoming independence, when it felt so good to sit back and watch her run free.

Juliette is into all things insect these days and could hardly contain herself when she found a little ladybug crawling on this pumpkin.  Simple pleasures…

These boys have become like big brothers to Juliette, contentedly playing magna-tiles together one minute, snatching toys out of each other’s hands the next.  I love watching them grow up together.

Two seconds after I took this photo, the wheelbarrow tipped over.  Whoops.

We finally settled on a long-stemmed beast of a squash, strapped it in the stroller, and called it a wrap, chuckling a little as we reminisced about our less-than-ideal visit to Carpinito two years ago.  We’ve come a long way!

We’re on a family running streak and spent that afternoon zipping down the trails at Ravenna Park – how have we missed visiting this gem in the past ten years?!

Jules and I met up with our pals at Volunteer Park on Friday morning for a go at the playground and a “splash” in the leaf-strewn wading pool.

Turns out dried leaves are a fairly decent substitute for water!

And Juliette’s hair is the perfect Fall camouflage.

Buddies!

I know, Jules – these colors make me feel all warm and huggy, too.

One final embrace for the road…

Ok, I’ll stop now.

Who am I kidding?  More orange and gold magic coming your way – we hit the parks hard this past weekend.  Stay tuned.

I feel like my last three months of blog entries were a sort of tribute to the glory of Seattle summers, but Fall in the PNW ain’t too shabby, either.  The trees are bursting with color and have shed just enough leaves to coat the ground with a nice crinkly carpet of gold.  Swim season is over, but duck hunting season is well underway – we hop in the car and visit our feathered friends at the Arboretum whenever the sun comes out.

We spent a lazy Saturday there with the Chens, and after the longest short walk ever, as Juliette seemed to run twenty steps backward for every twenty-one steps forward, we staked out a spot near the water to crack open a bottle of wine and watch the sailboats.

Like I said, not too shabby.

My mom and dad were in town last weekend and we spent Friday afternoon at Kubota Gardens – we’d been there just one week earlier with Shane’s mom, but wowsers, it had gotten even better since then!  Happy Birthday to me!

Such a treat to ring in my 34th year with this crew and these colors.

Saturday was rainy, rainy, rainy – we hardly left the house and were all feeling completely stir-crazy by Sunday morning.  Thank goodness for a sun-break!  Off to the arboretum again!

My mom and dad headed back to Oregon on Sunday afternoon while Shane, Jules, and I went for a jog along the trails at the Redmond Watershed Preserve.  Juliette happily bumped along the wooded path with Shane, singing songs while I huffed and puffed to keep up.

We saw a couple of horses on the trails, and three days later, we’re still hearing about them.  “Horsey go poo-poo on his bottom, mama!”

Thanks, October, for being awesome.