little black journal

Fall officially starts on Wednesday, but it feels like it rolled in about a week ago – skies have been gray, mornings have been chilly, leaves have been losing their green with each passing day…  Thankfully, we made the most of what turned out to be the last blazin’ day of summer a couple of Saturdays ago, renting kayaks and hitting Lake Union for a spin with the Chens.

When we were told that the kids would have to sit in their own seats, we paused for a moment – Juliette’s not one for sitting still, and I wouldn’t be within arm’s reach to restrain her.  What if we got out on the water and she didn’t like it?  What if she tried to jump ship?

Or…what if she loved it?!

(And then still threatened to jump ship?)

Although Juliette’s insistence on testing the water made Shane super-anxious, and although I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to steer with the foot pedals and directed La Verne’s and my kayak into oncoming speedboat traffic a couple of times, we had a blast out there.

Sweet Jesus, that sun!  Already feels like a distant memory…

Soak it up, Nico!

We made it safely back to the dock, relatively dry and a little pink-cheeked.  We grabbed a table at Agua Verde and raised our margaritas to the end of my most favorite Seattle season.  And now the nine-month countdown begins.

The days are getting shorter and the temperatures are getting ever-so-slightly cooler – summer has begun that sad, inevitable process of waning…  But we haven’t pulled out our sweaters and holed up just yet.  Rather, we’re doing our best to seize the 82-degree days, hitting our favorite hot spots and doing some quality outdoor exploring.

We still love our Thursday evenings at Jefferson Park, where Shane meets us after his post-work bike ride and Juliette romps in the splash pad.

And Saturdays at Lincoln Park – an oldie but a goodie!  Shane and I used to come here a lot for summer sunsets before we had Juliette.  Now that she’s in bed by sunset time, we’re hanging here in the mornings instead, eating donuts with the Rust clan or reconnecting with our community group.  Shane borrowed Brian’s paddleboard and took Jules out on a very short tour of the Sound a week ago – they didn’t make it more than 20 feet from shore before Juliette was asking to turn around, but we’ll try again some other day.

Shane and Jack logged their annual Redhook ride out to Woodinville last weekend, but this year we introduced a twist – La Verne and I met our biker dudes up at 192 Brewing in Kenmore with the kids, and Shane pulled them the remaining few miles up to Redhook in the bike trailer.

I guess this is what a pub crawl looks like for us these days…

Beer, burgers, bikes, success!

We made it!  (A celebratory hug.)

The weather was a little cooler last Thursday and Juliette and I opted to stay closer to home, taking our afternoon treat across the street to the greenbelt.  This girl will be sorely disappointed when popsicle season comes to a close.

La Verne texted me as we were leaving the greenbelt and asked if we wanted to meet up with her and N for a walk/bike ride at Seward Park.  The kids have matching balance bikes and we figured the wide-open path there would be perfect for trying out their new wheels.  Plus, it was just a tad too cool for them to take their usual dip in the water.

Or…not.  They darted into the lake before we could even strip them down – I managed to fish Jules out of the water long enough to pull of her soaked pants and salvage her mostly-dry shirt, but then she and N were off to the races again, reveling in the late summer rays hitting their pale, bare bellies.

Shane and Jules have done some quality cruising on the bike this summer, taking regular spins to the grocery store or along Lake Washington Boulevard.  Despite Shane’s urging that I get a bike so that we can make this a family activity, I’ve resisted, happy to play the part of the spectator.  But on Saturday the lure of afternoon sun and time with friends was hard to turn down, so I borrowed Nancy’s bike and we all set out along the Green River Trail for a slow, easy spin.  And you know what?  It was kinda great.  Easy, breezy, perfectly paired with a mid-ride picnic dinner.  I might put a bike on my wish list after all.

And Jules was pretty stoked about our matching helmets.  “Mama ride bike?  Mama ride biiiiiike?!”

Yesterday morning we drove up north to check out St. Edward State Park – I had been wanting to check this place out for awhile and am so glad we made the trek.  After a quick go on the huge playground, we hit the trail down to the water.

The forest fires in Eastern Washington have been terrible it was hazy even in Seattle yesterday, the smoke hanging in the air like fog.

Juliette crashed in the stroller before we reached the water, so Shane and I had a few rare, quiet moments to ourselves.

Just as I spread out my blanket and reached for my book, though, she was up, wanting to come say hello to the ducks that had waddled onto the shore.

She lays it on so thick when she wants to.

Those few freckles on her nose have gotten darker with each passing weekend.  I’ll miss them if they decide to leave the premises come rainy season.

We headed back up the hill and through the forest once we’d had our fill of rock-throwing and pretzels.  Green, green, GREEN.  So good.

We spent the evening at Seward Park with the Chens, this time more prepared for a swim in the lake.  Jack lifted weights while the rest of us sipped wine on the lawn.

We packed up our things as the ultra-orange sun began to set, wondering what on earth we’ll do when it’s 40 degrees and dark at 4:30 pm.  I mean, I don’t want to sound too gushy about summertime in Seattle, but dang…it’s magical.

This heat wave continues and we’ve been doing our damnedest to beat it over the past four days: three lakes, one wading pool, a couple of rounds of frozen margaritas, one visit to the ice cream shop, and nights spent sleeping in our downstairs office, which is 10 degrees cooler than the top floor of our house.  By 5 pm, our living room feels like a sweatbox.  On the bright side, all this lake-bopping has kind of made us feel like we’re on vacation!  Minus the air-conditioned hotel room…

Jules and I spent Thursday at Seward Park with a few buddies, running in the sprinklers and splashing in the lake.  Shane had the day off and biked over to join us for a dip – this girl is all about her floaty boat now.

On Friday we ventured east with our crew to Lake Sammamish State Park to celebrate Nance’s birthday with swimming and paddle-boarding and snacks in the shade.

Yes, I eventually made it up to the standing position!  And then I fell off.

Jules crashed hard for her nap when we got home but woke up roaring to go again, so we took a quick spin through the Miller Park fountain and then grabbed ice cream at Hello Robin.

Sugar rush!

Serious sugar rush.

We rang in the Fourth of July on Saturday at our favorite stretch of rocky beach on Rattlesnake Lake.  We hadn’t even spread out our blanket before Juliette darted into the water.

There was swimming and “boating” and watermelon-eating and frisbee and generally all things summer.

We spent the evening with the Rusts partaking in our own (very tame) fireworks show.  Thankfully the kids are all still young enough to be satisfied with sparklers and smoke bombs and party poppers.

Jules wanted a front-row seat for all the action.

Shane, on the other hand, was insistent that she stay at least 15 feet away from any flames or sparks.  Ever the voice of reason, that guy…

We spent Sunday morning at church and then swung by Volunteer Park for a go on the playground and a romp in the wading pool.

The weekend was capped off with a bike ride along Lake Washington, cold Coronas, dinner hot off the grill and kiwi sorbet for dessert.  I don’t love this heat, but this summertime lifestyle?  Money.

It is hot, hot, HOT in Seattle – temps in the high 80s and lower 90s, which can be uncomfortably warm when you don’t have AC.  We’re doing all we can to stay cool, sleeping with the windows wide open and the fans cranked up high.  Jules hasn’t worn proper pajamas in over a week.

And every chance we get, we head out in search of water to splash and wade and swim and paddle.  A few favorites:

The Jefferson spray park is a staple – we find ourselves here once or twice a week.  Juliette usually spends 10 minutes or so just watching the other kids run wild, then runs her fingers through the fountains a little tentatively and is thoroughly soaked by the time we leave.

We spent Saturday morning at Gene Coulon park in Renton, and this place is money!  Big beach with plenty of shade, a big roped-off swimming area, and the perfect mix of sand for scooping and rocks for throwing.

We’ve been trying for the past couple of weeks to get Juliette into the little floaty boat she loved so much last summer, but she’s fiercely protested every time we’ve pulled it out.  And since she wasn’t using it on Saturday, we let another little girl take it for a spin.  Of course, that was all it took for Juliette to start begging for a turn – her “mine!” reflex seems to be stronger than ever.  Nonetheless, questionable motives aside, she had a blast kicking around the shallow end.

Pants are for chumps.

We were feeling particularly adventurous on Sunday and drove over to Enatai Beach in Bellevue to scope out their boat rentals.  Juliette isn’t a particularly big fan of sitting still, so when we set out in our canoe, we knew we were taking a risk, but I was hopeful that with enough enthusiasm and enough snacks, we could make it work.  We paddled under the I-90 bridge and a heron pointed the way to the Mercer Slough, which was a perfect, peaceful oasis of green.

And Jules?  She loved all of it, “helping” with the paddling, searching for baby ducks, sitting so contentedly in my lap.  We’ve had our share of failed outings lately (we might never be allowed back to our new neighborhood breakfast joint), so it felt really, really good to try something new and have it go off without a hitch.

I just checked the forecast and it looks like we’re in for at least another week of this heat.  Googling “Seattle beaches” now…

We’ve had a busy few days, livin’ large in this perfect Seattle summer weather.  The Giants were in town last week for a match-up against the Mariners, so we got together with Jack and La Verne on Thursday night to cheer on our boys at Safeco field.

We slurped down beers and mowed through a monster bag of Kettle corn, reveling in the ease of being out sans kiddos.

By the 8th inning the Giants were leading by 7 and most Mariners fans had cut and run.  We stayed through till the end though, taking advantage of the abandoned seats and sitting just a few rows away from the action.  Orange and black for the win!

My office held our summer picnic at Safeco the following night, so we headed back to the ballpark for dinner and a Mariners-Astros matchup, this time with Jules in tow.  We ate burgers on the patio and then caught just the first inning of the game, not wanting to push our luck and keep this happy kid out too long past bedtime.

Shane’s old friend Steve flew in from California late Friday night for a weekend visit and was eager to do some exploring, so we set out for Rattlesnake Mountain on Saturday morning.  Rather than just hang by the lake as per usual, we tucked Juliette into the hiking backpack and made the 2-mile trek up to the ledge.

Shane’s shoulders were begging for mercy by the time we summited, but the vista turned out to be well worth the pain.

We made it down the mountain with minimal whining and then set up shop in our favorite shady lake-front stretch of grass.

Watermelon, water, and 80 degrees.  Perfection.

We went to church on Sunday morning and then headed to Local 360 for Father’s Day mimosas and French toast.  Cheers to this guy!  Hot damn, I’m lucky.

And a quick stop at the sculpture park for some pre-nap sun-soaking…

We made plans to get together with the gang on Sunday afternoon for a lakeside picnic.  But first, a chariot ride!  I love watching these two snuggle into the trailer, seeing them share snacks and clank their bike helmets together.

We spread out our blankets at Seward Park and watched the kids frolic in the lake and kick the soccer ball across the lawn.  Shane and Jack picked up a boatload of burgers and fries and we chowed down while drinking white wine from plastic cups – we ushered in the first day of summer with such gusto!

It took the better part of the weekend and a Pepsi bribe (kidding!  that cup is empty!), but Juliette eventually warmed up to her new buddy Steve.  It was so good to catch up with this guy, to fold him into our family mayhem and then stay up late playing Nintendo and reminiscing.

We said good-bye to Steve this morning, dropped Juliette off at daycare, and returned to business as usual, simultaneously ultra-relaxed and completely exhausted.  SUMMER IS HERE!

I’ve had the chorus of Grease’s “Summer Nights” looping through my head over and over these past few days – you know, “Summer lovin’, had me a blast, oh yeah!“.  It’s not so much that I have romance or leather pants on the brain (although Shane will forever be my Danny Zuko), it’s that I’m LOVIN’ this summer weather.  Sandals and slightly pink shoulders and a re-commitment to get out and explore our favorite parks.  Evening jogs with Juliette, interrupted by a quick joyous romp through the Jefferson splash pad.  Popsicles and bare baby bellies.  Turtle hunts and sandy feet.  I swear, I can feel the vitamin D coursing through my veins, and it’s like a hit of happy.

We spent Saturday morning at Juanita Bay Park in Kirkland, checking out the wildlife and playing at the beach.

And to top off a stretch of particularly glorious sun-shiny days, Juliette’s best little buddy turned two over the weekend!  We were thrilled to celebrate with him, with a chariot ride and barbecue and CAKE (that taste of frosting was possibly the high point of Juliette’s entire life thus far).

I know, Jules, I KNOW!  So good, right?

Let’s hear it for the mamas!  And for Shane, who got up with Jules and let me stay in bed as long as I wanted to yesterday morning.  And then gifted me with a fancy new blender (just in time for smoothie season!).  And then fetched me a strawberry danish from the bakery.  And then planned a perfect family outing.  I was just going to ask for a couple of free hours to run some errands, but sheesh, that guy goes big.

We set out for Rattlesnake Ridge after we had breakfasted and dressed – we thought we’d give the trails a go with the stroller and embark on a short family hike.  We didn’t make it far as the terrain got rugged pretty quickly, but we found this gorgeous little path off the main trail where we could let Juliette run around and look for caterpillars.

Seriously, that girl was digging those caterpillars!

Once we had terrorized enough insects, we walked down to the lake to spread out a blanket, throw rocks, and blow bubbles.  Juliette ran to the water’s edge and back, returning to me to stuff a couple of crackers in her mouth and gulp down some water before setting off again.  I stretched out in the sun, basking in the opportunity to just be still, which happens so rarely these days.

And when the water lost its appeal, Shane was on bubbles duty!

I eventually took a turn, because, well, I actually love having her nestled into my lap…

We hit the road around noon, worried we were cutting it a little close to naptime, but Juliette spent the whole ride home happily chattering in the backseat.  She must have gotten the Mother’s Day memo!

We all snoozed in the afternoon and then puttered around the house before heading over to Jack and La Verne’s for a pizza feast with the gang.  Jack enjoyed some quality time with G…

And then put him and Isaiah to work, offering to pay them each a quarter for each bucket of weeds they filled!  I’m not sure this constituted a fair wage, and judging from Jack’s face, I think he knew he was making out like a bandit.

Jules stood by and watched, pigtails askew, face sticky with watermelon juice, and belly threatening to burst out of her tank top.  It’s her “summer look”.

And goodness, she was feeling the love for Nico that night, reaching out to give him a squeeze whenever he got within grabbing range.  Usually he stands stock-still and looks a little startled when Jules comes at him with one of her bear hugs, but on this particular evening he actually reciprocated!

Or is he pushing her away?  I can’t tell…

Hugs aside (or included?), these two have so much fun together.

And speaking of fun, Shane and Jason busted into Jack’s liquor cabinet while Jack supervised all four children on the other side of the yard.  Shameless!

I’ve learned so much about being a mom from these two ladies, felt so supported in the midst of craziness or fatigue, so inspired by the ways they love their kids.

There was a rousing game of “toss the boys”…

And then, finally, we were all tuckered out.  I had a hard time prying Juliette out of Jack’s arms, as she looked ready to fall asleep on his chest.

We washed the dirt from between Juliette’s toes and then she crashed in my arms after only a couple of rounds of the sunshine song.  She’d played hard.

When we’re in the depths of toddler tantrums or early wake-ups or seemingly endless whiny requests for Elmo, I try to remember the good times, to call upon memories of joy and laughter and sweetness.  So I’m tucking yesterday away for a rainy day – the motherhood-scale is feeling very much tipped in my favor at the moment.

Since our last visit to Portland at Christmas, Elise has turned 7, Morgan has traded in her training wheels for a big-girl bike, and Jules has officially left baby-hood behind and become a full-fledged toddler.  Time flies.  Thankfully, no matter how much has changed, it seems these kids pick up right where they last left off.  When we rolled into town on Friday afternoon, it took all of three minutes for the girls to start playing and laughing and carrying on together.

I was a little skeptical on Friday evening as to whether or not all three of them would still fit in the bathtub together, but Elise and Morgan were willing to fold up their legs and give it a try!  Jules was thrilled.

We got a slow start on Saturday morning, letting the girls run around the house until Juliette started doing her “outside?” chant.

We headed down the street to the neighborhood playground, where I watched Juliette go down the slide that Morgan and Elise have traversed hundreds of times.  I’ve been snapping photos from this very same spot for years now!

The playground has apparently lost its charm with the big kids, though – they’ve moved on to new adventures.

After getting our wiggles out, Shane, Jules and I drove over to the Pearl District for an REI run and a stop at Barista for a perfect latte.

And then we popped over to Portsmouth Park to watch Elise play soccer.  That girl’s got hustle.  And wow, she looks old here, huh?

When Morgan and Juliette tired of sitting on the sidelines, they kept each other company on the playground.

We napped for awhile in the afternoon and then soaked up some rays in the backyard before heading out once again, for a picnic dinner at Cathedral Park under the St. Johns bridge.

We ate chicken wings and blew dandelion puffs and bubbles and ran races and stretched out on the grass in the late evening sun.  I’m so thankful for family.  And 70-degree weather!

After waiting for nearly an hour for a train to pass and let us out of the parking lot (patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue), we jetted home to get the kids to bed, crack open a bottle of port, and do some distraction-free catching up with Mitch and Kathryn.

We found ourselves at the neighborhood playground again on Sunday morning, so that the girls could ride their bikes.  Or so that the boys could ride their bikes?

We packed up our things and set out for the beach later that morning.  First, though, I wanted to snap a photo of the Jarrell clan in front of their house – they’re moving to the other side of Portland later this month, and while I’m super-excited for them to settle into their sweet new digs, I’ll miss this place!  We have a lot of memories here.

No time for nostalgia, though, when you’ve got kids rearing to get to the beach.  Onward!

As per usual, the sand and water seemed to imbue Juliette with an extra dose of already-plentiful energy.  The running!

We said our goodbyes around lunchtime with hugs all around.  Morgan got an extra-long embrace from Jules – those two had been thick as thieves all weekend.

No more of this more-than-4-months-between-visits business – see you in July, Jarrells!

I packed away Juliette’s puffy gray coat last weekend – I was a little saddened by the fact that she’ll probably never wear it again, but mostly I was thrilled that winter is OVER.  Never have I been so desperate for being-outside weather.  I’m typically not prone to stir-craziness – I could happily pass an entire weekend without leaving the house, curled up inside with my Kindle and my tea and my knitting.  Jules, on the other hand?  She starts pin-balling off the walls after about 20 minutes of coloring or puzzles, heading to the door and asking “outside?  outside?  outside?” before we’ve even changed out of our pajamas.  In a lot of ways, staying indoors with toddlers is more exhausting than getting out with them.  And so we go out.  and out.  and out!

The warmer weather has been great, but the longer daylight hours feel like an all-out Godsend.  It’s so nice to get home from work/daycare and have the option to play outside for a bit – this makes the two-hour pre-bedtime slog fly right by!  The other night Juliette and I jogged up to Jefferson Park after work to meet up with Shane, who had biked from the office.  We did a few rounds on the slide and hung out on the swings for awhile before heading home for a quick dinner and bedtime.  It felt like a treat for all of us to be able to get some exercise on a weeknight.

On the warm evenings when we don’t have the time or the energy to hit the park, we hang out in the back yard and dine al fresco, with fresh fruit smoothies for dessert.  Juliette’s a fan.

Some friends of ours gave us their baby bike seat and Shane has been taking Juliette out for weekend spins around the neighborhood – every time he stops, she looks up at him, her silly pink helmet perched on her head, and asks, “more?  more?  more?”.  Until she decides she’s done, at which point she’s DONE being in the bike.  You have to hope this doesn’t happen when you’re miles from home (yes, that’s experience speaking!).

We took a day trip out to Bainbridge Island a couple of weeks ago on a particularly sunny Sunday, excited to watch Juliette experience her first ferry ride.

And…she was not so impressed.  This isn’t a flattering photo of either one of us, but it sums things up so well:  little lady was cranky and I was running low on patience (this particular day was at the tail end of her making-me-crazy spell).

Eventually she got over whatever fit she’d been throwing and enjoyed the ride a bit…

And when we made it to Mora’s for ice cream, she was quickly convinced that Bainbridge is heaven on earth.

We spent most of the afternoon at Fort Ward Park, picking daisies and throwing rocks and walking down the tree-lined paths.

And then it was time to head back to catch our 5:30 ferry.  We thought we’d play it safe and get there 45 minutes early, only to find a line of 200 cars waiting at the terminal.  We missed our boat by two spots and were told we’d have to wait an hour to catch the next one.  One whole hour in a car with our grouchy toddler?  Say it ain’t so!  But miraculously, Jules was a total delight throughout the wait.  She was super-stoked to be able to hang out in the front seat and push all the buttons on the radio.

And the ride home proved to be much more fun than the ride there, even if it was ever-so-slightly windy…

Plus, the golden hour was so golden out there on the water.

We made it home just in time for bed and Jules crashed hard, waking up the next morning refreshed and fuss-free.  Must have been the ice cream.

Our new favorite close-to-home place to pass a sunny afternoon is in the greenbelt up the street from our house.  It’s pretty great – a five-minute walk and you feel like you’re buried deep in the woods.  This little bench has become our designated super-special bubble-blowing spot.  We sat here for over an hour one Friday.

It’s fun to watch Juliette experience the squishiness of moss or the sound of birds calling to one another from the treetops.  My hope is that she’ll one day love nature and the city in equal measure.

On days where the temps approach 70 degrees, we don tank tops and head out in search of water.  We spent this afternoon at Seahurst Park in Burien, dipping our toes in the Sound.

And then Juliette got carried away dipped her bottom in the Sound.  So glad I packed that extra pair of pants!

Sayonara, winter, huh Jules?

Yes, I was melancholy about the passing of Spring’s peak, mourning the fact that it flees so quickly.  Toddlerhood, on the other hand, seems to be lasting damn near forever.  I sat down tonight to sort through the past month’s sweet photos and funny videos to herald all of Juliette’s latest developments, but I’m just not in the mood to gush – I’m going to save that stuff for another day.  I’d much rather complain.

Because this kid is making me CRAZY.

We have had an exceptionally tough couple of days.  I walked in the door Monday evening after a long day at work and Juliette excitedly ran toward my open arms…and then right past them, as she grabbed the door handle and whined, “outside?  outside?  outside?”, ignoring my replies that we couldn’t go out because it was pouring.  I told her we could go upstairs and play in the shower rather than out in the rain, but she wasn’t havin’ it, wailing as I undressed her and then streaking down the hallway as I tried to pull her into the bathroom.  We struggled our way through bathing and pj’s and hair-combing and tooth-brushing; she was exhausted by the time I laid her down, but still she fought sleep with a vengeance, crying and shaking her crib rails before finally collapsing for the night.

She woke up early today, still out of sorts – she protested when I tried to unzip her from her sleep sack, but then yelled and tugged at it when I gave up and left it on.  Despite the previous evening’s aversion to the shower, she threw a fit when she couldn’t climb in with Shane this morning, so I abandoned my own attempts at getting ready and took her down to the kitchen to let Shane bathe in peace.  Juliette headed back up the (forbidden) stairs while I got her breakfast ready, looking me in the eyes and defiantly taking another step each time I told her to come down.  She refused yogurt and cereal and didn’t want to drink her milk unless it was out of a mug and unless she poured it herself (uh-uh).  She cried when Shane changed her diaper, whined as I wrestled her into her clothes, and ran circles around the kitchen island as we chased after her with her coat and shoes.  I politely asked her to come to me, then pleaded with her to listen, and eventually resorted to yelling, my voice getting louder and angrier with each lap.  Shane caught hold of her and tried to get her jacket on, but she collapsed on the floor in that masterful rigid-but-limp posture that makes it impossible to thread an arm through a sleeve or get a shoe on a foot.  Shane’s head was about to explode by this point.  He grabbed his bag and said he was going to take lightrail to work – he couldn’t be around her anymore and needed me to handle dropoff.  I turned to Juliette and nastily snapped, “Nice job, baby.  You made daddy mad.”  Shane heard my tone (exasperation verging on insanity) and decided I couldn’t be trusted alone with her, so we all headed out together, two of us in tears and one of us silently fuming.  There was slamming of car doors and dramatic swiping of car clutter off of the seats and running mascara.  It was ugly, folks.  We drove to daycare in silence, the air in that car so thick with frustration and shame that it was hard for me to breathe.  Even Juliette had grown quiet – I’m not sure if it was out of remorse or fear, but she hardly made a peep on that painfully long 12-minute commute.  I felt guilty and embarrassed over losing my temper.  But also mad and annoyed and full of despair.  It was only 7:45 am and I was spent.  She’s only nineteen months old and I’m done with toddlerhood.

I think this is the point where I usually wrap up a gripey blog post with, “Motherhood is hard, but it’s also the BEST JOB EVER!  She fell asleep in my arms and as I gazed at her sweet, peaceful little face, all was forgiven!”.  Not today, though.  The wounds are too fresh.  I’m going to let myself sit with the fact that this is exceedingly hard sometimes.  We’re in the midst of a deep, cranky funk and I’m zapped, plum out of patience and positivity.  The best I can muster is a faint hope that tomorrow will be better.  This too shall pass.  Right?  RIGHT?!