little black journal

Our bags are packed, our reservations are confirmed, our batteries are charged, and tomorrow we leave for Paris.  I’ve looked forward to this trip for the last 4 years, and so the thought that we are actually going still makes my head spin and my heart flutter.  Is it really possible that in less than 48 hours, I will be roaming the streets of the most beautiful city in the world?  This city is home to some of my fondest memories – it is where I fell in love with art, it is where I acquired a taste for espresso, it is where huge seeds of confidence and independence were planted in my soul.  I’ve been reading through some of the old journals I kept while I was in Paris 5 years ago, picking out names of my favorite cafes and art galleries, and tonight I came across this entry, written on July 4, 2004, my last day abroad:

“45 minutes before I leave for the airport.  Am wandering around in a bit of daze, not wanting to come to terms with the fact that my year in Paris is about to become a memory.  Am sipping a cafe creme, looking out over Place de la Bastille, trying to muster up some excitement about returning to the familiarity of home.  I’ve had to say good-bye to people I love before, but never really to a place.  Not sure how to do it.  Can’t very well give Paris a big hug, wave, and say, “I’ll call you when I get home”.  Can say, “see you later”, though.  Alors, a bientot et merci.  Tu vas me manquer…”

And so “later” has arrived!  The best part about it?  This time Shane comes with me.  As much as I cherished my time in Paris, the fact that we were apart often kept me from fully embracing my experiences abroad.  I can definitely be a bit of a loner, but I really do believe it’s so much better to share a place so beautiful with someone you love.  So cheers to a much-anticipated, well-deserved, totally romantic get-away.  Ciao.

I realize that my entries to this blog have been disappointingly sparse lately – allow me to explain (as much for the sake of me organizing my own thoughts and priorities as for the sake of allowing you all to understand what I’ve been up to).  My plate is full these days.  February has been an exceptionally busy month.  It started with a weekend trip to Portland to visit family, followed by a trip to California one week later to catch up with old friends.  Both getaways were much needed and well worth my time, but I find that I’m still kind of playing catch-up, since weekends are usually my chance to check things off my to-do list.  My days in Seattle since have been filled with studying for my next licensing exam (the mechanical, electrical and plumbing portion – *yawn*); planning our quickly-approaching trip to Europe; attempting to relearn the French language in preparation for said trip (shame on me for all that I’ve forgotten in the past five years!); trying to finish the book for my upcoming book club meeting this Saturday; training for the 10k race that we’re scheduled to run in March; squeezing in an occasional sketch or artistic exercise here and there; pulling together items for an on-line shop I’d like to get going; and struggling to maintain a clean house and a well-stocked fridge (at this, I have failed miserably).  On top of this, my regular weekly commitments are a big priority, like our Tuesday night get-togethers with friends from church (thank God for this mid-week chance to relax with these people who have become our Seattle family); art class on Thursday nights; and teaching Sunday school on Sunday mornings.  Work has been fairly busy the past couple of weeks as well, which means occasionally staying late and skipping my lunch-time study sessions.  And so, here I am: Whew!  Feeling overwhelmed, but grateful that at least my to-do list is filled with things that I genuinely enjoy doing (minus the studying) – I love spending a Saturday afternoon reading or doodling in my sketchbook.  If only I had more Saturday afternoons!  So bear with me, as this blog takes a bit of a hit while I get all my ducks in a row.

p.s.  Major thanks to Shane for doing whatever he can to lighten my load.  The dishes you wash, the trips you make to pick me up from the gym, and the constant encouragement you offer does not go unnoticed.

I received one of my most special packages ever in the mail yesterday.  Since my grandmother’s passing last year, my family back on the east coast has been slowly going through her things, setting aside certain items for each family member.  I received two boxes yesterday filled with treasures that exceeded any hopes I had for having something special to remember Nannie by.

This scarf was probably my favorite item in the box.  It was neat that as I called my parents yesterday to tell them what I had received, and as I described this jade green paisley silk scarf, my dad knew exactly the item I was talking about – he could picture Nannie wearing it.

These wine glasses were a wedding gift for my grandparents.  They were married for over 60 years, which means that these glasses are decades older than anything else we have in our kitchen cabinets.  They are so beautifully delicate and “antique”.  They are unlike anything I would ever pick out for myself and yet, somehow, they are perfectly my style.  I look forward to sharing a special bottle of wine, poured in these glasses, next time our family is together.

This is a brooch that Nannie wore often – the epitome of my grandmother’s elegance and grace.  I wore it today to brunch with some girlfriends and felt instantly classier the second I pinned it on.

As I look at these heirlooms, I can’t help but wonder, “What do Shane and I own that will be passed onto our family for generations?”  Our wedding registry consisted mostly of basic kitchen necessities from Crate and Barrel, and it seems that we’ll probably outlast our Ikea furniture.  For the most part, I’m okay with this – I’m glad that we have chosen to minimize our possessions, to keep a simple home.  But it would be nice to have those two or three extra-special objects that our children or grandchildren would cherish one day.  A friend reminded me today that traveling is a perfect opportunity to pick up something that has memory and meaning behind it, so I’ll soon be combing the streets of Paris for that special vase or necklace.  Yes, I like that idea…

Ooooohhh, yesterday was a rough day.  I went to bed around the usual time on Sunday night, fell asleep within 30 seconds of putting my head on the pillow, and then awoke to feelings of uncomfortable nausea around 2 am.  Discomfort quickly turned into pain and by 4 am, I was running to the bathroom and emptying my stomach.  So glad that I scrubbed the toilet and the bathroom floors on Saturday, because I spent the much of the next 6 hours laying on the cool tile of our bathroom floor, hoping with each bout of gagging that it would soon be over.  Was it the slightly undercooked chicken I ate for dinner the night before?  Had I picked up the flu from someone?  Whatever the reason, I felt terrible.  I spent the entire day in bed, doing whatever I could to make myself comfortable, which wasn’t much.  Fever and achy-ness set in around 4 pm to add to my misery.  Thank God Shane had yesterday off of work.  He gets a gold star for nursing his whiny, sick wife back to health.  He did whatever he could to make me feel better – setting up the computer in bed so that I could watch a movie, rubbing my back as I tried to fall asleep, monitoring my fluid intake to make sure I avoided dehydration, even baking me applesauce muffins when that was the only thing that sounded good to me (and baking is not one of Shane’s favorite pastimes).  I don’t know what I would have done yesterday without him.  Today I was at about 80% – well enough to go into work, though there were times today when I was tempted to crawl under my desk and take a nap.  I hope to be back in full force tomorrow.

The really fantastic thing is that now I know that Shane can bake – I’ll be taking advantage of this little tidbit in the future…

In reparation for all of the money we spent during the holidays, and in preparation for our upcoming trip to Europe, Shane and I are focusing on frugality this month.  We set some ground rules on the 1st and committed to sticking to them throughout all of January:  don’t eat out, don’t go shopping, and don’t spend any more than $200 on food and groceries during the entire month.  In some ways, this has been surprisingly easy – I haven’t even noticed that we haven’t set foot in a restaurant for over two weeks.  And the fact that we have friends who love to get together at home for a movie or some games on a Friday night means that our social calendar hasn’t suffered (in fact, we’ve been spending more time than usual with friends during the past couple weekends).  Other things have been harder to deal with – I miss being able to grab a cup of coffee and sit in a cafe for thirty minutes before work or during lunchtime.  I regret not being able to take advantage of all those after-Christmas sales.  And grocery shopping certainly takes more effort when you’re counting your dollars.  But I find that we are cooking more, we are eating healthier, and, most of all, we are wasting less.  When you’re trying to avoid having to make another trip to the grocery store, it’s amazing what you can scrounge up for dinner out of pantry odds and ends.  Yes, sometimes this means cereal for dinner, but sometimes this means pasta tossed with olives, feta cheese, and chicken sausage.  It’s turned out to be a fun challenge in a lot of ways.  And although I look forward to being able to occasionally grab a latte before work come February, I do hope the restraint we practice this month will create some more conscientious spending habits for the future.  It’s a good way to set the tone for the year, as we re-examine our financial priorities and set ourselves up for things like travel, charitable giving, and a family.

Usually the beginning of a new year finds me feeling nostalgic and a little sad about the passing of another year and another holiday season.  I resist taking down the Christmas tree, knowing that it will be at least eleven months before Shane and I can embark on our next tree-finding adventure.  I tend to dwell on the things I could have/would have/should have done during the previous year and set all kinds of resolutions to compensate for missed opportunities or experiences.  But this year, I find that I am particularly forward-looking, as I anxiously anticipate all that 2009 may bring.  I am overjoyed with the knowledge that we will be going back to Europe in the spring.  I expect to finish up my architectural licensing exams within the next few months.  I will see my niece turn one in March.  I begin a new art class in three weeks.  We will continue to enjoy good times and good food with the community of friends that we’ve developed here in Seattle.  I will watch with so much hope and optimism as Barack Obama becomes president later this month.  I will continue to blog, to sketch, to make things, to take photos, and to strive toward becoming a more creative individual.  I will rejoice in the blessings that God has heaped upon us and pass His goodness onto those around me.

Cheers to a year of so much promise.

I filled up the last page of my sketchbook/journal the other day and am looking forward to cracking open another fresh, new Moleskine notebook.  I have been using these same journals for over five years now and get such a sense of accomplishment from seeing them all lined up on our bookshelf, knowing that between the simple, black, nondescript covers lie words, drawings, and mementos that detail some of my most precious memories and ideas.  I became attached to my first Moleskine when I was living in Paris – I never left my apartment without my sketchbook in hand.  I spent hours sitting in cafes, jotting down verbal and graphic impressions of all the new places I was seeing.  I reread some of my entries and can almost put myself back on that sidewalk terrace, with pencil in hand and that tiny cup of espresso in front of me.  That journal was my constant traveling companion.  When I returned to the States in 2004, my sketchbook became a place for me to compose and chronicle my thoughts and ideas on my thesis project.  Upon graduation from college and soon-after engagement to Shane in 2005, my journal took on the form of a wedding planner, filled with to-do lists and doodles of invitation ideas.  In 2006-2007, I journaled and sketched much less frequently as I settled into the routine of my job and my marriage.  There is a random entry here and there about a book I read or a gallery opening I attended, but for the most part, entries are sparse.  In 2008, as noted here, I began my weekly sketch initiative.  This has been an excellent incentive for me to regularly, creatively put pen to paper.  My weekly sketches thus far have the taken the form of a lot of abstract graphic doodling, which is fine, but my hope for next year is that I do more real-life drawing of actual objects and places.  So, cheers to a fresh, new palette and to lots of journal-worthy, sketch-inspiring experiences in 2009!

I got a present in the mail today that made me laugh.  My blog post about our trip to Minnesota to visit Shane’s family was titled “City Girl in the Country”.  Well, thanks to my father-in-law, I can now wear this hat and be a “Country Girl in the City”.  Funny stuff.  Thanks, Denny!  Now if only I had a pair of overalls…

Today was our last full day here in Minnesota, and I would definitely say that we’re ending our trip on a high note.  Our bellies are full, the dishes are done, the games are put away, the kids have gone home to bed, and I’m taking a moment to reflect on just how wonderfully blessed I am.  I’m filled with this sense of such pure contentment. 

I am so thankful for my family (both blood relatives and in-laws).  I missed my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and my niece today, but I could not imagine feeling any more at home than I do here at Shane’s parents house.  They continually amaze me with their generosity and graciousness.  Shane’s sister, brother-in-law, nieces and nephew are such a blessing to us in the way that they live out life as a loving family.  How lucky I am that “holidays with the in-laws” is something I look forward to and cherish.

I’m thankful for our health.  Shane and I are looking forward to getting up on Saturday morning and going for a nice, long run together (the freezing weather here in Minnesota has prohibited much outdoor activity for the past week).  We should not take for granted the fact that we have both the ability and the desire to get out and be active together.

I’m thankful for our home, which day by day, comes closer to “home” in the truest sense of the word.

I’m thankful for the time and the will that I have to pursue my interests and hobbies.  I am gradually becoming more well-read, I am sharpening my skills as a photographer, and I am developing my artistic gifts.  I find such satisfaction in these small, but quite meaningful, accomplishments.

I am thankful for our financial security.  May God lay peace on the hearts of those who are struggling to keep their heads above water during these times of economic uncertainty.

I am thankful for the very close-knit group of friends we’ve come to know through our church.  I am constantly amazed by the talent and blessed by the thoughtfulness of these people that have done so much to make us feel rooted in Seattle.  Community is a valuable, beautiful thing.  And we’re living it.

I am thankful for Shane.  To think that I ever wondered whether or not this was the man I was supposed to marry.  He continues to impress me with his generosity, his ambition, and his unfailing, 100%, all-out commitment to our relationship.  I could sit here and wonder what I did to deserve the love of this man, but my list would always come up short.  That’s the beauty of our marriage - I don’t “deserve” his love, but he lavishes it upon me anyway.

May God bless all of you.  And may we remember to say “thanks” daily (rather than annually).

I took another licensing exam on Wednesday night, which meant that my weekends and evenings prior to that were filled with studying.  Many nights, I fell asleep with my flashcards in my hands or my study guide propped up on my chest.  Notes and books were strewn about the living room.  From the minute I schedule an exam, it becomes a constant, nagging weight on my shoulders.  What a relief to have another test over with and to be able to put that stuff away for a little while!  Thursday night, I reveled in the bliss of an obligation-free evening and spent some time knitting, baking, and returning a couple of overdue phone calls.  Made a batch of peanut brittle and finished up a knitted Christmas gift.  Called my best friend and chatted with her for nearly an hour.  That’s the upside of all these tests and all this studying – when I do have free time, I tend to want to make the most of it.  I don’t spend too many nights just vegging out in front of the TV anymore (although there certainly are times when vegging is completely necessary and acceptable).  It feels good to get back into my neglected hobbies, even if this break may be short-lived.