little black journal

Good Lord, are we already two weeks into January?  Feels like a couple of nights ago we were raising our glasses to the dawn of 2015 with Jack and La Verne at our first babies/parents sleepover!

(photo by La Verne)

Maybe it’s a bit late to be getting my resolutions down on paper screen (resolve to be more punctual?  nah…), but here goes:

Get out of the house SANS BABY with Shane at least once a month.  Sadly, I can count on one hand the number of times we got out for a grownup date in 2014.  Shane and I have always been homebodies, but now it seems it takes extra effort to hit the town, what with finding a sitter and having to dig so deeply in our energy reserves to stay out past 8 pm.  But it’s time – time to sit across from each other and share a meal without being interrupted every 25 seconds to retrieve whatever utensil Juliette has thrown on the floor.  Time to make each other more of a priority.  Time to put away my toddler-chasing boots, pull out my insensible heels, and sip a proper cocktail!

Make art with Juliette.  Get out the paints or the markers or the glitter and glue, at least once a week.  It will be messy.  She may end up ingesting all kinds of art supplies that aren’t meant to be eaten.  But I can’t wait to see what comes of this one.

Learn how to make the best use my camera.  I take a lot of pictures, almost all of them in auto mode.  Some of them turn out ok.  Many others turn out blurry or grainy or too dark or too bright.  I took a picture of Juliette at Christmas – she had just opened a gift and was looking down into the box with utter delight.  Her expression was priceless.  But the photo is junk – totally blurry and way too bright.  I had fiddled with the settings on my camera a few minutes prior, but something was clearly off and I’m bummed to have missed out on capturing that moment the way I wanted to.  So finally, this is the year I figure out what a freaking f/stop is.

Be physically active.  Having a mileage goal kept my butt in gear last year, but I’m aiming for more variety in my fitness regime this year and am going to focus on something different each quarter, with the hope that I’ll eventually find a way to incorporate all four of these activities into my regular schedule.  Quarter 1: Just keep running.  Train for and complete my first (and possibly last) half-marathon (on the books for March 22nd!).  Quarter 2: Renew my online Barre3 subscription and do 2-3 workouts/week.  Quarter 3: Enjoy the sun and go hiking, at least twice a month.  Is this crazy, knowing we’ll have an almost-two year old?  Probably so.  Quarter 4: Swim?  I haven’t done laps since I was pregnant with Juliette, but swimming has always been one of my favorite workouts.  I’m still figuring out how/when/where to make it to the pool on my own, but I’m going to give it a shot.

End the year with less stuff in our house than there is right now.  This one will be a little hard to accurately gauge, but I did snap photos of our closets as a day-1 record and hope to spend the next 12 months purging, organizing, and, most importantly, limiting the number of new things that come through our front door.   I think there’s a minimalist buried deep inside me, trying to burrow her way out of the over-stuffed sock drawer.  I’m hoping to give her a little space to breathe.

Jules and I getting a head start on resolution #2 on New Year’s Day – she was a natural with that paintbrush!

And then all hell broke loose…

Cheers to a year of livin’ large (and simply).

Happy New Year!  The Christmas tree has been put out at the curb, the house is refreshingly decluttered after a January 1st organizing binge (another new tradition?), and I’m looking forward, thinking about my hopes and goals for 2015.  But first, a look back at how I did on last year’s resolutions:

Read to Juliette every day.  Check.  One of the easiest resolutions I’ve ever kept, as reading has become one of our favorite time-passers and an integral part of our nighttime routine.  Juliette loves when I throw the pillows on the floor and ask her to curl up next to me with I Want My Hat Back or Gossie.  She’s recently really taken to reading by herself as well – we did a little rearranging yesterday to set up a reading corner in our living room, and Juliette quickly grabbed a couple of books and claimed this chair as her own.

Limit all non-essential purchases to things that I truly love.  Gah!  Damn you, GAP sales!  I continue to be a total sucker for a that little kick of adrenaline that comes with a good deal or a new outfit, so my closet is filled with sweaters and jeans that I don’t need, but kinda like.  On the other hand, we’ve done well on the toy front and have made good use of gifts and borrowed items, only buying a few special books and blocks and puzzles for Juliette.  House purchases have been kept to a minimum as well – I picked up a couple of baskets to clean up our entryway and we invested in a totally-worth-it Dyson vacuum, but other than that, I steered clear of West Elm and Crate and Barrel.  The clothes, though, the clothes!  How quickly my resolve shatters when I see those brightly colored signs promising 50% off…

Limit my time on Facebook.  I’ve done alright on this one – there are still days when I fall down the Facebook vortex and find myself scrolling and scrolling and scrolling through status updates, wanting to be sure that I catch every new photo and linked article and clever blurb, but generally I’m finding that I care less and less about what I might be “missing” if I ease up on social media.  This means I’m reading more books, being more productive, and even getting a bit more sleep, since I’ve removed Facebook perusal from my bedtime routine.  Feels good.

Get back into a regular exercise rhythm (walk/run at least 365 miles this year).  Success!  I wanted to run at least half of these miles and squeaked by with a running tally of 185 miles and a walking tally of 187 miles, totaling 372 miles in 2014.  This resolution definitely got me back into the running groove, motivating me to get out there more often and for longer distances (although I still cut it dang close at the end – my goal-meeting run took place on New Years Eve!).  A special shout-out to Juliette, who embarked on at least three-quarters of these miles with me – I gave her a sweaty hug and a cookie when we finished Wednesday’s loop around Jefferson Park.  We did it, baby!

Two gold stars, one silver, and a bronze (or maybe copper?  I mean, I shopped those holiday sales hard).  Not too shabby, but plenty of room to grow.  Onward to 2015!

In addition to my annual list of resolutions, I like to choose a word to dwell on throughout the year.  Last year I prayed that I would make myself vulnerable to a deep, fervent hope; this year I’m looking outward a little more, feeling called to be more fully present for the people in my life.  I’ve mentioned before how easily I can get sucked into my task list vortex, where the measure of a good day is based more on productivity than on quality time with friends or family.  The arrival of Juliette has clearly brought to light the necessity of recalibrating my priorities, putting my nearest and dearest above my to-do’s.  That baby of ours needs (and deserves) all kinds of attention.  And while she’s not shy about letting me know when she’s hungry or poopy or just wants to be held, what about those other times, when she’s sweetly content to just lay on the floor and suck on her fingers?  Is that my cue to rush downstairs to throw in a load of laundry, then hustle around the kitchen to get dinner ready?  Or is it my cue to pause, to throw a couple of pillows down and lay right next to her, to chat with her and tickle her toes while she coos and babbles?  Some mornings, when she’s especially easy-going, I find myself just shuffling her from room to room as I go about my own routine, propping her up in her chair in the bathroom while I blow-dry my hair, dropping her in her bouncer in the kitchen while I unload the dishwasher and make breakfast, putting her down on her playmat while I eat and check email.  Before I know it, it’s time for her first nap and I’ve entirely missed my morning window for snuggle sessions and playtime.

I threw out the sleep training guidelines the other day and let Juliette nap in my arms after she nursed.  As I laid my hand on her belly and gazed at her peaceful face, rosy-cheeked where she had been nuzzled in the crook of my arm, she grabbed my finger in her chubby little fist and gripped it tight as she slept.  It felt like she was asking me to stay awhile, reminding me that our quiet moments together are precious and so quickly fleeting.  And the time I spend with her, singing silly songs and smothering her with head-to-toe kisses, it matters.  It matters that I’m present for her.  It matters that she knows she’s more important than housework or blog posts or emails.  It matters that I daily speak words of affirmation and positivity over her.  And when she responds to my undivided attention with a happy giggle or an extra-close cuddle, it’s apparent how much those dirty dishes in the sink and those crumbs on the floor really don’t matter.

So I’m being more there for Juliette and she’s flashing me her winning smiles and I’m making good progress on this resolution, but I fear there’s another member of our family that’s a little short on lovin’.  Remember Shane, who used to stand front and center in my weekend updates and my travel posts, who used to by the object of all my gushing?  There was a time when I couldn’t wait to get home to him after a long day at work, to enjoy one of his extra-special bear hugs and dish on the day’s ups and downs.  Don’t get me wrong – I still can’t wait to see him in the evenings (my daily 5:00 “when r u coming home?” text message is evidence of that), but it’s usually so that I can toss the baby in his direction and enjoy a little space to myself, because I am beat.  I’ll take a breather and watch from the sidelines while the two of them play, then summon the last of my reserves for bathtime, bedtime, and dinnertime.  By 8:00, I am physically and emotionally zapped, wanting nothing more than to zone out in my own corner of the couch with my laptop or my knitting while Shane queues up House of Cards.  It’s hardly what you would call “quality time” for the two of us.  So I’m working on digging deeper, asking real questions rather than muttering an obligatory “How was your day?”.  I’m taking him up on his offer when he pushes himself against the back of the couch so that I can stretch out alongside him while we talk or read or watch Parenthood.  I’m reminding myself that although it takes effort, although it goes against my natural inclination to hole up and turn in, the restorative power of intimacy ultimately lands us in a much happier place.

These two have brought me such great, heaping boatloads of joy.  May I be a wife and mom that daily returns the favor.

Here goes it – settin’ the bar for 2014:

Read to Juliette every day.  It’s my dream that one day Jules will be a reader like her dad and me, that she’ll appreciate the magic of a good story.  I hope that we’ll spend Sunday afternoons snuggled up on the couch together with our books, that eventually we’ll even share book recommendations and call each other to gab about the great novels we just finished (yeah, I’m flashing waaaay forward here, but it’s a fun thought).  So I’m planting the seed now, and our reading time has become one of the best parts of my day.  Juliette will snuggle into my lap and look at illustrations while I tell her about Clifford the Big Red Dog’s shenanigans, and she’ll help me flip the pages and maybe even smile a little at my exuberant animal sounds.  I am so looking forward to keeping this resolution for several years to come.

Limit all non-essential purchases to things that I truly love.  This applies to clothes, toys, home decor, pretty much anything not on my grocery or Target shopping lists.  Quell the voice inside of me that whispers things like “but it’s such a good deal” or “it will fit eventually” or “no one can have too many boots”.  I’m convinced that we already have an obscene amount of stuff crammed into our closets – there’s no sense in adding to the excess with items I don’t fully appreciate.  To keep myself honest, I’m keeping a log of all my want-but-don’t-need purchases.  It will be interesting to look back on it at the end of the year and evaluate the quality of the stuff I bought.

Limit my time on Facebook (check it no more than once a day).  Since I’ve been on maternity leave, and since I’ve had “idle” hours to pass each day while Juliette nurses, my iPhone has nearly melded into the palm of my hand.  I quickly fell into the following feeding-time routine: get the baby settled, grab my phone, check Facebook, check Instagram, check email, check Feedly, and then maybe check Facebook again, just in case someone posted something new in the past ten minutes.  Some days I caught myself reading the same status updates a dozen times.  That little “f” icon had become the ultimate time-sucking vortex.  I thought about going cold turkey and getting off Facebook completely, but dang, I really do love the little glimpses into the lives of those friends and family that I don’t otherwise hear from, so instead I’m cutting back, checking it only once a day for a quick rundown of the latest posts.  My hope is that I’ll fill my newfound free time with books, with real news stories, with quiet moments where I just shut my eyes and revel in the goodness of this special time with Juliette.

Get back into a regular exercise rhythm (walk/run at least 365 miles this year)*.  Now that Juliette is almost four months old, I don’t believe the “I just had a baby” excuse is legit anymore – it’s time for me to get my butt in gear (and back into those skinny jeans)!  My hope is that I’ll walk or jog at least three times a week, and I’ll be tracking my progress on Runkeeper.

*My new favorite exercise partner.  But is she cheering me on, or laughing at my huffing and puffing?

Let’s do this.

I’m putting the finishing touches on my list of 2014 resolutions, but before I jump into this year’s aspirations, I’m taking a minute to look back on how I did on my goals for 2013.  And…you win some, you lose some.

Sabbath more intentionally.  There were a handful of Sundays when I really made a point of resting, of putting away my to-do list and focusing on my relationship with God, with Shane, with family and friends.  There were also a handful of Sundays when I was downright lazy, but not in a Sabbath-y sort of way, more in a “can’t. get. off. the. couch.” sort of way.  And then I went on maternity leave and Juliette came along and all the days of the week sort of started to run together.  Now, rest is something I grab in 45-minute increments, whenever it’s available, during naps or Jules-and-Shane time.  So I’m trying to figure out what a set-apart day of Sabbath looks like with a baby – maybe it means that rather than flipping on the TV after bedtime, we keep the house quiet and read or talk or…gasp…just be still.  I’ll keep working on this one, because I still believe it’s important to mark a regular day (or evening, or hour) for deep restoration.

Be more involved in managing our money.  Fail.  I really dropped the ball on this one.  I don’t think we sat down once together to comb through our spending and investments.  I can’t blame Shane – that poor guy tries his darnedest to get me involved, but I hear words like “deferred compensation” and “diversification” and “buy less shoes” and I completely zone out.  I got a text message from him last week letting me know that he had logged into the website for my 401K account and rebalanced my asset allocation.  I responded with an icon of a goofy-faced girl giving a thumbs up.  And that is how our conversations about finances usually go down.  Despite my lack of interest in IRAs and 401Ks and 529s, I do believe I was more mindful of my spending last year, cutting back on both coffee and clothes. I just need to step it up, to answer two important questions: How much less? And was it enough? We also did made some good decisions together about our giving in 2013. But again, was it enough? Are we being good stewards of the money we’ve been blessed with? I…think so? These are questions I should know the answers to.

Make art.  Regularly.  I did alright on this one – I wasn’t as consistent in my art-making as I’d hoped, but there were some very fulfilling creative spurts.  Learning how to screenprint was huge in inspiring all kinds of new projects, and I logged some really, really fun hours in the print studio.  Looking forward to getting back in there sometime soon(ish).

Cook dinner at least four nights a week.  Success!  We rarely have cereal for dinner anymore.  In fact, since I’ve been on maternity leave, we’re eating home-cooked meals six or seven nights a week.  Big pots of soup, crock pot roasts, hearty salads – I’ve been on my A-game in the kitchen these days.  Since Juliette is essentially eating what I’m eating, I feel like it’s extra-important to feed myself well.  Those chubby, roly-poly thighs of hers weren’t grown with Raisin Bran!

As per usual, I didn’t ace my resolutions.  But onward and upward – I’m nothing if not a work in progress!

I bought a baby book last week with the intent of starting early and writing a thoughtful note to our child before he or she is born. But words keep escaping me – I want to lavish the baby with love and affirmation, with hopes and dreams for his or her life, but I’m just not there yet. Sounds silly, I know, but I’m still having a hard time fully comprehending that this belly bulge is actually our child. I love preparing our home for the baby, I love feeling all the wiggles and kicks, I love seeing Shane eagerly anticipate fatherhood, but that deep sense of maternal love I see on the faces of my friends as they cradle their little ones in their arms is just out of my reach. I’m still in this place where baby Schnell is a fuzzy image on an ultrasound screen. And that’s ok – I don’t doubt the “I love you’s” will fly from my mouth once I lay eyes on him or her. In the meantime, while my vision of our child is still hazy, I’m clarifying my vision of myself as a mother, forming aspirations for the woman I hope to be.  No doubt, the parent gig can be hard, but I’ve also seen first-hand that it’s an opportunity to stretch and grow and be your very best self. So to the future Mama Schnell:

Be flexible. Even if that means being inflexible. Of course, you and Shane want to be those free-flowing, easy-going parents that are always down for anything. Dinner invite on a Friday night? Sure, you’ll be there – the baby will tag along and sleep in the car seat, or stay up late and sit at the table with you. Camping? You’re game. Afternoon BBQ during nap time? Eh, you can skip nap for the sake of hanging with friends. Flexibility at its finest, right? But I suspect the true test of flexibility will come when you find that you need to make sacrifices in order to let the baby get the best rest possible, or to allow yourself some much-needed sleep, or to establish that restrictive but oh-so-necessary routine. Don’t be bitter or resentful over the way your life has changed. Don’t feel sorry for yourself when you miss out on a party because the sitter cancelled or the baby is sick – keep in mind that parenthood is a package deal, often weighted with limits or sacrifices, but also bursting with incredible joy.

Care more about exploration and play than you do about keeping clothes or floors or hands clean. Put the to-do list away and spend an afternoon splashing in mud puddles at the park or finger-painting in the dining room. Remember your dream house? You’re about to move into it, and it will be lovely, crumbs on the floor and all.  And don’t forget to be silly – put aside any self-consciousness.  Sing songs in your horribly off-key voice.  Make up games that have no point.  Shoot, put a bowl on your head, pump up the Elli Goulding, and dance in the living room – revel in the opportunity to be a total weirdo with someone who won’t think you’re weird at all.

Let stuff go, and don’t hold grudges. There will be moments, or even entire days, when the kiddo is cranky and unreasonable and inconsolable. It will be tempting to check out until the brattiness has passed. Try, try, try to stay engaged. Be persistent in your affection. The passive-aggressive silent treatment you use to coax remorse or an apology out of Shane won’t work on a toddler. So when you’re in the middle of the grocery store, dragging a wailing kid with noodle legs through the produce section, grab an extra carton of Ben and Jerry’s on your way out, mow through half of it when you get home, and then spend the rest of the afternoon cuddling with the little one (hopefully the tantrum wore him or her out). I realize this sounds kind of impossible, but it’s worth your best effort.

Here I sit, in our quiet, clean house, realizing (but probably not really realizing) yet again that I’m about to relinquish so much of the control I daily take for granted. Most of life right now is about what I’m feeling, how I want to spend my day, what I think is important. Who will I be when life is less about me and more about someone else? Will I be the tired, frazzled woman standing in the checkout line in her pajamas, clinging to three cartons of mocha almond fudge ice cream? Or will I be the mom that’s making goofy faces and babbling like a fool, because the sound of her baby’s laughter is so irresistible?  I suspect it will depend on the day – I’m in for a wild ride.  Bring it, baby!

Since my New Year’s resolution to Sabbath more intentionally, I’ve been mulling over what this looks like for me.  I want Sabbath to be special and distinct from the rest of the week, a day set apart from the hustle and bustle of the daily grind.  Sunday used to be my last-ditch chance to cross as much as possible off my to-do list before returning to the busy-ness of work on Monday, but I’m making an effort to change that, to wrap up errands and chores and running around on Saturday, so that I can truly spend Sunday as a day set apart.  A day for pause and rest and reflection. And although it’s tempting to find this rest in the form of a lazy chick flick marathon, I’m digging deeper.  Today, Sabbath was a long walk along the waterfront, during which I prayed for dozens of friends and family members and coworkers as their names were laid upon my heart.  It was an hour spent warming up at a neighborhood cafe, reveling in the joy of coffee and books and free time.  It was a phone call to my parents to see how their week was.  It was quality time with Shane, cooking and eating and napping together (Lord knows, it just wouldn’t be Sabbath without a nap).  And in the midst of all these good, life-giving things, I’m striving for a spirit of reverence and gratitude.  That’s the crux, because in the end, Sabbath really isn’t about being rested and refreshed – it’s about handing ourselves over to God and giving Him our undivided attention.  And when I slow down to open my eyes wider and seek Him out, He can be found around every corner.

Seeing as how I succeeded in making good on almost all of my 2012 resolutions (damn you, Economist!), I’m doing the resolution thing again, hoping 2013 is another year of growth and fulfillment.

Sabbath more intentionally.  As much as I adore our quiet Sunday afternoons at home, I want more out of them.  More restoration.  More introspection.  More preparation for the busy week ahead.  I’m on board with Nance in her belief in the life-giving power of a true Sabbath.  I want to make sure that I’m resting with intention – not just holing up and zoning out.  This might still mean a hard-core nap, or an epic reading binge on the couch, but it also means turning everything off for a little while and asking Shane how I can pray for him.  It means opening my journal and processing my anxieties and joys as I put pen to paper.  Letting the quiet drown out the noise.

Be more involved in managing our money.  Shane has always been the finance guy in our house, paying the bills and managing our investments.  I’ve been A-OK with that – I completely trust him and am not that interested right now in knowing how our Roth IRAs are doing.  But after sitting down with him on Saturday and sorting through our 2012 purchases on mint.com, I’m seeing the value of setting a budget together, checking in regularly and really looking at where our money is going (and where we want it go).  Turns out I might have a weakness for shoes and Shane might have a weakness for expensive cocktails…  These things aren’t exactly surprises, and they aren’t exactly bad, but it’s important to understand how they add up.

Make art.  Regularly.  2012 was kind of a creative wasteland.  I didn’t draw or paint much, I didn’t make it into the print studio even once.  And I missed it – it was disappointing and discouraging and draining to be so out of touch with my artistic self.  So I’m back on the horse this year – I have registered for a screen printing class to kick-start things and have the highest of hopes for a year full of inspiration and productivity.

Cook dinner at least four nights a week.  Last year we set out to try new restaurants; this year I’m setting out to cook new things.  I have joked about how often we eat cereal for dinner, but it’s actually not that funny – more evenings than I’d like to admit, Shane is tearing into the Puffins and I’m smearing an apple with peanut butter and telling myself that’s a legitimate source of protein.  The breakdown seems to be in the planning stages – if we have a menu, I absolutely don’t mind being in the kitchen and preparing a meal.  If we don’t have a plan, this happens:  -“What do you want for dinner?” -“I dunno.  What do you want?”  -“I dunno.  Raisin Bran with a side of Wheat Thins?”  Ahhhh!  This has got to stop.  Good news is, we’re currently on a roll – three straight nights of healthy homemade meals!  General Mills stock might plummet.

In addition to my traditional list of resolutions, my mom has encouraged me to enter this year with a theme in a mind – a word that will focus my mission and attitude for 2013.  I’ve thought about this a lot over the last few days – what do I want the bigger picture to look like, beyond my list of practicalities?  This has been a harder exercise than I imagined – probably because I wanted so badly to come up with something original and complex and deep, but kept circling back to something obvious and super-simple.  So I’m going to stop overthinking this and start dwelling on a message of hope.  God and I have gone round and round over this matter in the past couple of years.  I’ve prayed fervently for hope, he’s tried to give it to me, and then I’ve politely turned it away and locked up my heart, telling him thank you, but I changed my mind and would like peace, or forgiveness, or acceptance instead. Because hope is scary – it makes you vulnerable and open to all kinds of disappointment and hurt.  And it prompts you to challenge the status-quo – relationships could be richer, work could be more meaningful, big BIG things could possible if you shed that cloak of doubt and complacency.  So here’s to a grand 2013, full of hopes and dreams and all manners of bright and shining miracles.

We’re in the midst of another super-quiet weekend at home, and between the naps and the football games, I’ve been spending some time thinking about what I want to do better in 2013 (less naps, maybe?  pshhhhhh…).  But before I solidify my goals, I’m taking a look back at how I did in 2012.  High-fives and for resolutions kept and head-hanging for resolutions broken…

Read the Bible in its entirety.  Score!  Our reading plan wraps up tomorrow with the final chapters in Revelations, at which point Shane and I will have read the whole Bible chronologically.  This is pretty huge for both of us, as we typically struggle with taking the initiative to delve into God’s word outside of Sunday morning service or Tuesday evening c-group.  There were days when reading felt like a total chore (hello, 1 and 2 Chronicles), but there were other times when a day’s reading gave me a perfectly-timed nugget of encouragement or hope.  While it may be awhile before I return to much of the Old Testament, I’ll carry some aspect of this rhythm into 2013.

Catch up with a friend over coffee every week or two.  I am so, so thankful for way some of my friendships continue to deepen.  But I’ve let other people drift away.  I remember a couple of particularly meaningful afternoons spent pouring my heart out to a girlfriend over a cup of tea.  I also remember those weekends I let my introverted tendencies prevail and chose to hole up rather than reach out.  Building relationships is hard; sometimes it’s awkward and inconvenient and wrought with fear of vulnerability.  Tough crap.  I have to believe that it’s always, always worth it.

Check out one new (to us) Seattle restaurant each month.  Given my continued ineptitude for meal planning, this one was easy-peasy.  Seattle holds so many alternatives to cereal for dinner!  Stand-out finds include Kedai Makan at the Broadway and CC Markets for killer Malaysian food, La Carta de Oaxaca for tacos al pastor, Il Corvo for lunchtime hand-made pasta, and Bottlehouse for wine and cheese.  Oh, and Hot Cakes in Ballard for a serious chocolate over-dose.  We have yet to find anything that trumps the sense of “home” we find at Tutta Bella and Columbia City Bakery, but that’s alright.  No shame in staying true to our ‘hood’s best pizza and scones.

Read the Economist leaders each week.  Total fail.  I think I made it through two issues and then threw my hands up in overwhelmed frustration.  We do watch 60 Minutes most Sundays and I get the top headlines from the Today Show on the mornings I spend on the gym’s treadmill, but that feels like a pretty sorry substitute for quality journalism.  I’m going to give the online version of NY Times a shot, and I’ll continue to pester Shane with questions about world affairs, but being a well-informed American has the makings of loooong-term goal.

Juice at least once a week.  B+.  I’ve been pretty diligent about gulping down my green stuff once or twice a week.  I can’t say it’s magic – there were still times this year when I battled colds or fatigue, but all in all, I’ve felt pretty good and any bouts of sickness seemed to leave the premises once I started pushing those lemons and dark greens through the Breville.  I think I can move this one from “resolution” to “habit” – there’s no going back to the days of Minute Maid!

It was a mixed-bag kind of year, and I’m sure 2013 will prove to be no different.  But I’m a little healthier, a little closer to God, a little more fulfilled in my friendships and my city than I was twelve months ago – I’ll call that a resolutionary success.

I fell in love with café culture during my year of studying abroad in Paris. Those tiny cups of espresso were my ticket to seeing the city – I often didn’t have the money (or the companionship) to eat meals in each neighborhood’s best restaurants, but I could always scrounge up a couple of Euros for some coffee and a seat at one of those little round tables. I passed so many hours with my sketchbook or my journal, lingering at a Marais sidewalk terrace or a trendy Bastille bistro. It truly was la vie…

I brought this habit back with me for my final year of college and frequented Linnaea’s café in SLO, with its warm back room and lovely garden patio – this was my go-to spot when I had to get away from studio but couldn’t trust myself to study at home, for fear of falling asleep on my books.

And then I moved to Seattle, coffee capitol of the United States! I was living in Capitol Hill, with caffeinated institutions like Bauhaus, Joe Bar, Vivace, Victrola, and Faire just blocks away from my apartment. My office was near Pioneer Square and I often snuck away on my lunch breaks to Zeitgeist or Umbria for some me-time and a latte (now that I had a job, I could afford milk with my espresso – the luxury!). My office eventually moved a little closer to the middle of downtown, and Shane and I gave up our Capitol Hill apartment for a townhouse in Columbia City, and I spent less and less time savoring my coffee with a good book or my journal. I’m realizing lately just how much I’ve missed it – I’ve missed the taste of a latte out of a mug rather than a paper to-go cup, I’ve missed the people-watching and the conversation eaves-dropping (you know you do it, too) and the sense of independence and solitude that comes with taking a table for one. So watch out baristas, ’cause I am back! I got up extra-early yesterday and spent half an hour at Zeitgeist on my way into work, sipping and reading and reveling in the warmth of my sunny spot by the window.  I’m hoping I can make a weekly ritual out of this – some people grow weary without their regular caffeine fix, but I think my fix comes from the cafe itself.