little black journal

I really wasn’t quite sure what to make of Halloween this year – I didn’t know if trick-or-treating would resume as usual or if Isaac would tolerate being put in a costume or if we’d have the energy to make it to the pumpkin patch, but…I’ve got a girl that loves all things Halloween, so the show must go on!

First up: pumpkin carving.  Juliette has become a master with the little carving saw, but pumpkin guts still gross her out…

Carved in honor of Isaac, aka Grogu, aka Baby Yoda!

Some school friends invited Juliette on a scavenger hunt at Schmitz Park on Halloween morning – their dedicated mama got up early that day to hide dozens of small plastic pumpkins along the trail and then the kids were all released to hunt and find.

I love a crisp fall morning in the woods!

We ended the hunt with hot chocolate and a barefoot jog at Alki Beach.  Cold schmold!

Because I couldn’t resist the urge to maximize our fun on what was a rare sunny weekend, we spent that afternoon at the Spooner Farms pumpkin patch, wandering the rows of their famous corn maze.

And we wandered and wandered and wondered if we’d ever make it out of there!

You can sense Isaac’s mild concern…

Really, though, a good time was had by all.

We eventually emerged and then Juliette took a spin on the cart course, Shane did some target practice with the pumpkin sling shot, and we called it a day.

(Look alive, Isaac!)

We headed out at sundown for some neighborhood trick-or-treating with our little forest animals.  Juliette makes such a chic deer, no?

 

I had bought this fuzzy jumper for future winter outings, but figured that with a little black nose it would double as an easy bear costume for Isaac.

He looks very resigned to this whole dressing-up thing, like I can’t believe my mom is making me do this.

We met up with a couple of friends, hit up the neighborhood hot spots, and then after an hour Juliette responsibly decided that she had plenty of candy and so we headed home to tuck in the teddy bear.

Thumbs-up, October!

We’re in full-blown Fall and barreling toward winter as the days get remarkably shorter and the aisles of Target fill with Christmas decor.  It’s been a sweet season, these past few weeks of finding our new groove as a family of four and slowly emerging from our newborn cocoon to spend more time with family and friends.

Our parade of visitors began at the end of September when my parents trekked to Seattle to meet their one and only grandson.  My mom said she couldn’t remember the last time she had held a baby, but it seems her soothing skills came flooding back to her as she rocked and sang Isaac to sleep within hours of their arrival.

Motown, hymns, country…Grandma sings it al!

My dad also got some quality cuddle time…

…though I especially loved bearing witness to his playtime with Juliette.

We didn’t get out a whole lot that week, but it was nice to fold my parents into our quiet routine and to have some company as I picked up Juliette from school or spent an afternoon on the couch with a sleeping baby on my chest.

My brother and his family joined us for a weekend in October – there was driveway basketball and a walk at Lincoln Park and several rounds of pass-the-baby.

Bina the dog is used to being the baby in the room and displayed a little envy early-on, but once she’d sniffed out Isaac and determined he wasn’t going to hop right into anyone’s lap, she decided he was alright.

I turned forty that Saturday and it was nice to have family around to toast to a new decade.

Plus, Mitch makes some mean spaghetti and meatballs.  He and Shane spent much of the afternoon planning and shopping and cooking and I MUCH appreciated it.

Cheers!

And to bookend grandparent season, the Schnells landed in Seattle a couple of weeks ago along with our niece, Shanay.

While Grandma and Grandpa doted on Isaac, Shanay was an amazing buddy for Juliette.  There aren’t too many 22 year-olds that will jump at the chance to do Play-dough, but she was so incredibly generous with her time and attention (plus, she can french braid, which essentially gives her Queen status with Juliette).

Lazy mornings…

Lazy afternoons…

Again, we didn’t get out much.  But we were plenty content to cozy up inside with the baby.  Denny wore his grandpa-heart on his sleeve and spent long stretches of time just gazing at Isaac’s little face and saying, “Grandpa loves you…you’re such a gift, buddy…”.

It was a tearful goodbye (not just for Isaac!), but those few days together were precious.

In other news, we inducted Isaac into the Giants fan club and cheered on our team during their too-short playoff season.

Gosh, it hurt to lose to the Dodgers.  Also hurt to hear that Buster Posey is retiring!  Juliette shed a few tears when the news broke…

Other October happenings included our first annual Harry Potter night.  Juliette and I spent the afternoon making Hogwarts-themed treats and then invited the Rusts over for snacks and a movie.

Sorting hats were chosen at random and the color of the jelly beans inside told you which house you belonged in.

Slytherin for J!  I knew he had a dark side…

But Slytherin for Nance, too?  I expected better.

I tend to overuse the word “cozy” in my Fall and Winter blog posts, but…it really was the coziest of October evenings.

Cozy vibes aside, sometimes we’ve just gotta get out, and Juliette’s Saturday soccer games have proven to be an excellent reason to leave the house.  This is her first year on the team and she is killing it!  I am so, so proud of her – she’s a force out there, scoring goals at every game, passing to her friends like a true team player, and shaking off the occasional bump or bruise.

Isaac doesn’t quite follow the action, but at least he keeps my lap warm!

On really muddy days, the girls line up during half-time and stick their feet out so that the coaches can scrape their cleats clean.  These dads get gold stars.

Morning walks are another good reason to leave the house, partly because I need the exercise, but also because Isaac needs the nap.

Bonus points if I can work my route to include a coffee stop.

Double-bonus if I’m joined by a friend!

Saving the Halloween pics for another day, and then it’s onto the business of November-ing!

Baby boy turned two months old on Sunday and we’re majorly feeling the time trickery that comes with parenthood – Isaac is growing and changing at warp speed and yet it feels like eons ago that he joined our family, like he’s been with us for years. He’s a totally different kid than he was in September and will surely go flip-mode on us again (and again), so lest I forget these newborn days, a recap! I’ll begin with a handful of photos from waaaay back when, when he was just two weeks old and barely able to keep his eyes open:

And some post-bath looks of skepticism at three weeks old:

It’s already getting hard to remember the chill infant we brought home from the hospital, the one that would fall asleep in our arms at any given moment and let us set him down to doze on the couch or the floor or his bouncy chair for hours on end.  I remember Shane telling someone on the phone early on that he’d hardly even heard the baby cry and I thought to myself, “wait for it…”.

My intuition was right and Isaac really “found his voice” at about four weeks.  He’s been using it since to request (demand) long stretches of nursing or bouncing or rocking or shushing before drifting off to sleep. If he’s upset but doesn’t need to eat, I’ll wrap him up in the Boba and crank up some music to sing and dance him to sleep. Shallow by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga almost always makes his eyelids heavy and then I go to Renegade by Taylor Swift for the TKO.

Shane doesn’t have the patience to fiddle with 20 feet of stretchy cloth and just goes for the human wrap hold.  Looks sweet, but ooofff…my back hurts just looking at this picture.

We’re far from finding a predictable sleeping routine but have managed over the past four weeks to get Isaac out of our room and into his crib for (most of) the night. Much as I love waking up nose-to-nose with him, he’s a pretty restless bed-mate and so it’s best if he has his own space in which to flop around and grunt. He’s also a super-loud eater and squeaks with each suckle, so Shane much appreciates it when I do the 1am (and 3am, and 5am) feedings in Isaac’s room rather than ours. We’re working on a more consistent bedtime and appreciate that he’ll usually log a few solid hours to start the night, but after that 1 or 2am feeding, all bets are off.  (That said, at the risk of jinxing any good fortune, baby boy woke up only once at 3:30 last night, and then went back down till 7:15 this morning!  I’m a new woman today.)

I know, crib is best, but goodness, those first couple weeks when I would nurse him in bed and then tuck him in next to me were awfully sweet…

If nighttime sleep is unpredictable, daytime sleep is a total crapshoot – there are days when Isaac will fall asleep in his car seat during morning errands and then snooze for four plus hours, and there are days when he does all of his sleeping in hour-long segments in my arms, waking the moment I try to set him down. I obviously prefer the former, but honestly, the latter ain’t so bad…

He’s a mouthy kid and is constantly trying to figure out just how many his fingers he can fit in his mouth at one time – we’ve started calling him Chewbacca because of his incessant desire to chew/gnaw/suck. He has mixed feelings about pacifiers, but will nurse for hours if I let him (I won’t. Usually.). The tip of Shane’s pinky finger is also a fan favorite.

He doesn’t have quite the head of hair his sister did as a baby, and sadly I think his hairline has receded these past few weeks, but there’s still enough for a pretty substantial poof. Extra-poofy post bath.

I am already nostalgic for the teeny-tiny days, but there’s a ton of goodness in seeing Isaac start to interact with us all a little more. He really started locking in eye contact at about five weeks and was offering smiles (if we really work for them) at about seven weeks. He loves having his cheeks lightly tickled and gets a kick out my impersonation of his grunty little pig sounds.

He has become very accustomed to being the Beau of the Ball when I pick up Juliette from school or when we have friends over for dinner.  Such a patient, humble little dude…

And sheesh, he L-O-V-E-S his big sis. I will wax poetic in another post about what an incredible sister Juliette has become, but for now, I’ll say that moments like this one come often, followed by Juliette saying things like, “You made such a good baby, Mama!”.

And finally, Isaac’s photo shoot at six weeks:

 

Seven weeks:

And eight weeks (THOSE. SMILES!!!):

Buddy, the rate at which you’re growing kind of breaks a mama’s heart, but…I most definitely forgive you.

Another year, another pandemic birthday for our girl… I thought this was the year we’d make her dreams of a bowling alley bash come true, but Delta had other plans, so we adjusted course and kept things small again.  Small in numbers, that is, but big on joy.

Juliette’s birthday week began with an hour-long horseback ride on a trail down in Maple Valley.  We spent the morning of her ride poring over the riding program’s website, reading about the personalities of each of the owner’s dozen horses.  We rolled up to the horse trailer that afternoon and Juliette started calling out the names of her new equine friends as she recognized them from their pictures.  “There’s Teddy, Mama!  And Tinker!  And Kid!”

She was over the moon when she found out she’d be riding Jack, a sweet, mellow Appaloosa.

Shane rode Dakota, a gorgeous though slightly stubborn dark horse.  (Isaac and I held down the fort back at the trail head.)

Off they go!

They moseyed on back an hour later, Juliette looking very much at home on Jack as she pulled on his reins to bring him to a stop.

We ended the day with a hug from Kid and a promise that we’d be back for another visit.

Juliette’s actual birthday was on a Tuesday, so there wasn’t time for much fanfare before school.  Still, Shane managed to pick up donuts and I managed to stick a candle in her chocolate bar.

I spent the morning decorating the living room so that Juliette came home that afternoon to a celebration zone.  SURPRISE!

We kept gifts simple, but Juliette was thrilled with her new pair of boots, her set of sparkly rings, and the card that promised Mama would take her out for a pedicure later that week.

Dinner was her choice, which meant that she and Shane picked up burritos from the taco truck after soccer practice.  Ice cream and pie for dessert!

Nancy and I took her out for her salon pedicure on Friday and she LOVED it.  I was pretty pumped about the date myself, as I had given up on painting my own toenails sometime back in June when I was no longer able to reach my feet over my pregnant belly.

The owner of the salon was super-sweet and threw in a manicure for Juliette when she learned it was her birthday.

The grand finale of birthday week was a cozy movie night at home with a few of Juliette’s school friends.

…and then an impromptu dance party when we found ourselves with 20 minutes between the end of the movie and the scheduled parent pick-up.

And with that, she is EIGHT!  Happiest of birthdays, big sis.

One final summer photo dump, because memories of those warm August pool days are what pull me through the wet, gray days ahead…

That said, less pleasant than those warm August pool days were those HOT June days when PNW heat records were shattered and we pulled out every stop imaginable in an effort to stay cool.  We slept on air mattresses in the basement and waited in line for a portable AC unit (no luck) and drank iced tea by the gallon.  Also, there were sprinklers…

And popsicles…

And kiddie pools…

And the incredible kindness of neighbors, who invited us to use their own pools, small and large.

Count lunchtime swim breaks as another perk of working from home!

We spent an ultra-hot Saturday at Rattlesnake Lake, bouncing back and forth between our shady blanket and the icy lake.  It seemed that about half of Seattle had the same idea and so the lawn grew increasingly crowded as the day wore on, but there was plenty of open water for us to stretch out on the paddle board.

Juliette recently completed an assignment at school where she had to note favorite family traditions and “paddle boarding with Mama” was near the top of her list.  One of my favorites, too, kiddo.

Juliette climbed off the board before we reached shore and bobbed along behind me in her life jacket.

Nintendo break!  But even the shade was HOT, so we didn’t stay out of the water for long.

Though the drive and the parking and the schlepping of stuff always feels like a bit much when we head to Rattlesnake, we always leave feeling like the effort was well worth it.

Colman Pool was another summer happy place – they started selling only limited tickets for one-hour time slots due to the pandemic and so the pool was wonderfully un-crowded.  We spent several afternoons there working on Juliette’s swim skills and bobbing around with buddies.

Plus, the walk/bike ride to the pool from where we park our car is not too shabby.

In other noteworthy news, West Seattle is finally on the boba map with the recent opening of ShareTea.  Juliette and I have already filled multiple punch cards.

Shane started playing pickle ball on Monday nights with a couple of friends and has become a bit obsessed with the game.  He’s a pickle ball evangelist now, asking everyone we run into if they play or if they’d like to play.

Juliette is still honing in on her technique, but she shows definite promise.

We squeezed one more tip to Jack and La Verne’s vacation house on Marrowstone Island at the end of July.  We were all thankful for the buddy time and for the lovely beachfront walks.

These three play so well together…

And with that, the sun has set on another glorious PNW summer – these sweet freckles are already beginning to fade!  But this girl looks damn cute in rain boots and a beanie…

It seems I always find myself in mid-September with a pile of summer photos to go through, and this year is no different…therefore, ringing in Fall with Fourth of July fireworks!  We spent a few days in Idaho in early July, summering our hearts out.

We rolled up to my mom and dad’s house on the afternoon of the Fourth, as they advised us that their neighborhood goes big for the holiday and the festivities were not to be missed.

Indeed, these folks don’t hold back!

While sky-high fireworks exploded around us in every direction, we opted to stick to fountains and sparklers, which are still pure magic for a seven year-old.

Our own grand finale:

While the show on the other side of the park was just getting started!

We were all up past our bedtimes on the Fourth and got a slower start the next morning – Juliette and Grandpa played games while I had a second cup of coffee.

And then Shane, Jules and I piled back into the car and headed to Sand Point for a day of lake play.  These freckles!  I love them so much.

Pend Oreille is a lake-lover’s dream, with sandy shores, crystal waters and plenty of space to float to your heart’s content.

This girl is such a water-bug and could have spent all day in the lake.  Actually, she did spend all day in the lake.  Shane and I each needed frequent shade-breaks, but Juliette always opted for another layer of sunscreen and another cool dip.

Ah, that belly…I love having Isaac in my arms, but he was much easier to tote around a couple of months ago.

We took a brief lake-break to grab burgers and non-alcoholic beers from MickDuff’s.

And then, after dinner, back at it…

Juliette asked me to jump off the dock with her, but there was no way I was hoisting myself up onto that thing at seven months pregnant, so she summoned the courage to make the leap by herself.

And then found a few friends to jump with her.  Several times.

Several, several times.

The very best kinds of days are rounded out with ice cream and a lakefront stroll.  Mission accomplished.

We stayed in Sand Point that night and then were up early to take a 7:00 am dip in the hotel pool (she’s insatiable!) before heading to Silverwood for a day at Coeur d’Alene’s famous water park (seriously insatiable).  Juliette had a hard time containing her excitement as we waited for the gates to open.

We dropped our towels on a couple of beach chairs and were floating down the Lazy River within seconds of the park’s opening.  This is THE LIFE, huh, Jules?

I wasn’t able to go on any of the big waterslides, but was just as content to hang out at the bottom so that I could see Juliette’s giddy face as she and Shane landed with a splash.

The Riptide Racer tested the limits of Juliette’s bravery, but she rocked it.

The Lazy River was very much my jam – I must have done 20 laps around it over the course of the day.

We ventured over to the next-door amusement park in the afternoon to take a train ride in search of the Bigfoot that’s rumored to live in the park.

(Found him!)

But the trains and roller coasters were no match for the water park.  Back to business…

Shane ended the day on the park’s fastest slide, where riders clock in at over 50 miles per hour – Juliette thought this was a terrible idea, but he lived to give it two thumbs up.

We left the park in the evening totally exhausted but grinning from ear-to-ear.  Juliette declared it one of the most-fun days ever.

The next couple of days in Post Falls were on the quieter side, but still so good for our souls.

This little stretch of the Spokane River at Corbin Park is a must-visit every time we’re in town.  Perfect for lounging and rock-skipping.

Plus, you can squeeze in a few holes of disc golf when you’re done at the river.

Black Bay park is another go-to for waterside chilling.  The bay is perfect for floating on an inner tube, or a paddle board, or, in Juliette’s case, just a life jacket.

We spent our final hours in Post Falls squeezing in a few more Bernie snuggles and piecing together one last puzzle.

And next time we visit Idaho, we’ll have Isaac in tow!  Let’s hope that kid inherits his sister’s love of water – we’ve got some things to show him.

Rule #1 of parenthood: you can’t control everything. Why do I keep forgetting this? I must have told eight people on the first day of my maternity leave that the baby would surely be late. Passing-by neighbors asked “How are you feeling?”, and I said, “Feeling good – this baby certainly isn’t in any rush!” I had lined up the painter and the electrician and the floor finisher that week to put the final touches on the kitchen so that we could bring the baby home to a fully-complete remodel. I asked my mom that afternoon to buy a plane ticket to be here for Juliette’s first day of school on September 1st, because I really didn’t think the baby would come by his August 28th due date and imagined we might be at the hospital on the 1st. I ran into my friend Amanda the evening of August 23rd while Shane was playing pickle ball and told her, “I’ll keep you posted, but don’t expect to hear from me anytime soon!”

Well, well, well. He showed me.

Juliette and I left Shane at the pickle ball court that evening and headed home for a night of Mama-Jules chilling. Juliette hung out in the bathroom with me while I showered and we made our plans – an episode of Property Brothers, some ice cream, some reading time together in bed…the next day we were going to head downtown to visit the Great Wheel and grab lunch at the waterfront. The week was my oyster!

It was just as I was stepping out of the shower and felt a gush of liquid leave my body that those plans ground to a screeching halt. Juliette looked up at me with wide eyes while I did my best to stay cool: “Uhhhh…that was interesting, kiddo. Not sure what’s going on, but I think maybe my water just broke? Which might mean the baby is coming?” But before I could urge her not to panic, Juliette was on her feet, tears streaming down her face while she frantically ran in place, crying “But Daddy’s not here!” I quickly called Nance (it’s a Godsend when one of your closest friends is a birth doula), who confirmed that it did sound like my water had broken, and postulated that the greenish-brown bits that spattered on the shower floor were likely meconium (baby poo), which meant that my doctor would want me at the hospital sooner rather than later. Next call was to Shane and was short and sweet: “My water just broke. Come home NOW!” And then to my doctor’s office, who did say they wanted to see me at the hospital within the next hour or two. It was go-time.

I pushed aside the voice in my head that was screaming, “BUT THIS ISN’T THE PLAN!” and said, “This is so exciting, kiddo! We’re going to meet your baby brother soon!” I calmly (though maybe in an octave higher than my normal voice?) told Juliette that she needed to be brave and we needed to get ready to leave – she had to pack an overnight bag for her stay at the Rusts and I had to make sure my own bag was ready. We flew into a packing frenzy and as Juliette began to shift from panic-mode to prep-mode, she stopped to grab my hands and look up at me with watery eyes and a chin quiver to say, “I don’t want to you to worry about me, Mama. Just worry about taking care of you. Now what else can I do?” And then my eyes watered because how did my baby become so mature?

Shane came home, sweaty from his fastest-ever bike ride, and started tossing things into his own duffel bag. In no time, we were headed out the door, equal parts excited and anxious. We dropped off Juliette with the Rusts, snapped one last picture as a family of three, gave our girl several big hugs, and then Shane and I were off to the hospital with Nance right behind us.

I spent the car ride to the hospital texting our contractor about our abrupt change of plans (“but feel free to finish up the painting while we’re gone!”) and felt only a couple of very light contractions. If not for the meconium that I knew our boy was floating around in, I would have asked Shane if we could stop for a latte to face the long night ahead.

We were ushered into our labor triage room at the hospital and I was hooked up to the monitors – it was a relief to hear baby’s heartbeat fill the small room and I laid back on my stack of pillows. Contractions started coming a bit more frequently, though the pain was still light enough for me to easily breathe through them.

We were led to our delivery room around 11pm and then things started gettin’ real. The pain intensified and I tried to distract myself by neatly repacking my thrown-together hospital bag (I clean when I’m anxious), but shortly after midnight no amount of tidying up was going to keep me sane and so I put in my request for an epidural. Shane held my hands and looked at me understandingly as the anesthesiologist poked at my spine and mused that I must not be in that much pain at only 3 centimeters dilated. If he wasn’t about to pump me full of pain meds, I would have turned around and slugged the guy in the nose.

The next few hours are a blur of trying to get some rest, trying to stay calm as the doctor and nurse debated the stability of the baby’s heart rate, and desperately just wanting to hold my boy safely in my arms. I was assured throughout the night that the baby was fine, but as I obsessively tracked my contractions on my watch and saw them remain at five minutes apart, I began to wonder if this kid was going to come out without some heavy intervention. A new nurse came in around 4:00 and rearranged my body in an effort to get things moving along more quickly. The contractions soon intensified, and then intensified some more, and by 5:00 they were setting up the bed for delivery. I watched them prep the small bassinet with a heat lamp and warm blankets and that’s when it really, really hit me – though our son had been growing inside me for the past nine months, I don’t think it was until that moment that I truly believed in my heart of hearts that he was real.

The contractions were excruciating by 5:10, even with the epidural, but Shane and Nance coached me though them while I gave Shane an array of confusing orders. “Squeeze my hand! No, don’t touch me; I’m too sweaty! Come here! Give me space!” By 5:20 the doctor gave me the all-clear to start pushing and I bore down and pushed through the pain. At 5:29 am on August 24th a slippery, crying babe was placed on my chest and I sobbed tears of joy, overwhelmed with relief and gratitude and love for this little one we’ve longed for.

Welcome to the world, Isaac Henry!  7 lb 1 oz, 18 3/4” long, and a head of hair just like his sister’s.

Isaac means “he will laugh” and speaks of the way Abraham and Sarah laughed incredulously when they discovered they were pregnant with their own son Isaac. Though Shane’s 41 years of age doesn’t hold a candle to Abraham’s 100, it still felt fitting – oh, how we’ve waited for you, baby!

The rest of Isaac’s birth day is a haze of feeding sessions and round-the-clock nurse visits and mango smoothies from hospital food service. We weren’t allowed to leave our post-partum recovery room due to COVID protocols and while Shane started feeling stir-crazy about 12 hours in, I loved those 24 hours of having no responsibility other than to feed the baby, hold the baby, and memorize every feature of his soft and squished newborn face. I don’t even think I changed a diaper in that first day!

Shane and I both thought Isaac had freckles until we discovered that was just dried poo on his face.

…Much better!

It’s been a long, long time since I held a newborn, but oh, how it all came back to me…he felt so right in my arms.

I know…so many first-day photos, but he got cuter every time I looked at him!

We weren’t allowed any visitors due to COVID protocols, so Isaac met all of his biggest fans over FaceTime, #1 being his big sister who cooed “Awwww, he’s so cute!” when she saw him on-screen.  She didn’t know the half of it.

While room service and a personal nurse were nice, by Wednesday morning we were ready to get home to our other child. We packed our things, strapped Isaac into the car seat, and moseyed on out of there, much less anxious about leaving the hospital than we were the first time around, but no less excited to be bringing a new family member into our home.

We were greeted by a living room full of blue streamers (this is what happens when you give kind neighbors a spare key!) that eased the pain over our not-done remodel and the absence of any furniture in our living room. This wasn’t quite the homecoming I’d envisioned, but whatever.  Shane got Isaac and I settled and then headed back out to pick up Juliette.

Juliette bounded in the front door several minutes later and then tip-toed toward the bed as she entered her room where I was holding her sleeping brother. “He’s adorable!”, she whispered. And then she asked tentatively, “Can I hold him?” I tucked him into her arms and she was immediately smitten – tears sprang to both our eyes as our collective years of waiting and hoping came to an end. HE’S HERE!

That first day at home was a mix of big, big emotions. Mostly bliss – it felt so good to have us together under one roof! But also anxiety (Juliette was very unsettled by Issac’s wailing as we changed his diaper), exhaustion, and a little bit of sadness over what once was. As I rushed to get ready for bed that evening so that I could feed an antsy Isaac, Juliette asked, “Wait…can you still lay with me sometimes before bed?” I stopped what I was doing and immediately wrapped my arms around her as the tears began to flow from both of us (we did a lotta crying that day!). “Everything is just so different now, Mama…”.  And she’s right – that little babe has caused some big changes in all our lives. But as I nursed Isaac in Juliette’s bed that evening while she drifted off to sleep, one of my arms cradling his tiny body and one of my hands running through her long hair, I was assured: these are changes we can roll with.

Lazy weekend mornings in our bed are a little more crowded, but a lot more sweet.

Books in bed now include a baby.

And though Isaac (and Shane?) sleep through our evening episodes of The Great Pottery Throw Down, Juliette still appreciates the extra company.

She’s such a doting big sis and has given up her reign as only child with grace. She loves to hold Isaac and takes great pride in how carefully she supports his wobbly head as she picks him up, cooing, “Hellooooooo, buddy, helloooooooo!”.

But before she picks him up, she smooths his hair flat and to the side, insisting it’s best this way because “it makes him look like a handsome teenager getting ready for a ball”.

And while Juliette isn’t the single center of our universe anymore, Shane and I are making space for quality one-on-one time with her – much as I love watching her play the role of big sister, it also feels good to spend time with her as my best little buddy.  We’ve had a couple of very satisfying coffee shop dates…

And Shane busted out his 2,000-piece Father’s Day gift for some serious Daddy-Jules Lego-building sessions (Isaac was occasionally invited to the party, though he gets no credit for the actual build).

When Juliette’s at school and Shane is working, I get the babe to myself; I let the feeding sessions linger and then transition to long snuggle sessions on the couch. These newborn days are even more precious than I remember, maybe because I know this is it for us. I’m soaking it up, wanting to remember forever the weight of his milk-drunk body on my chest, the way he spontaneously smiles in his sleep as if he’s having the sweetest of dreams, that little crinkle at the bridge of his nose…

Baby boy sleeps a lot during the day.  There were times in that first week when I hardly felt like I saw his eyes open (which was ok – he’s quieter when his eyes are closed!).

We’re still working on prolonging the nighttime sleep sessions and begin each night with the best of intentions:  “Tonight’s the night we’ll keep him swaddled and in his bassinet!”  Somehow, though, he always ends up in our bed.

There are worse things to wake up to…

We’re nearly three weeks in and still have plenty of figuring-out to do, but we’re in this together, the FOUR of us.  I like the sound of that.

Welp, when I started putting this post together a week ago I had only one surprise announcement: we’re having a baby! Baby boy Schnell due…today! Turns out I wasn’t quick enough on the Publish trigger, though, because as of last Tuesday the even bigger news is: we HAD a baby! I’m saving that jazz for another post and going back to the beginning here…

And when I say back, I mean waaaay back, about six years ago when we first started casually throwing around the idea of a sibling for Juliette. We played it fast and loose for a few months, thinking how crazy it would be if I just happened to get pregnant this time around, without any of the planning and waiting and loss and waiting and intervention and waiting that we endured with Juliette. I mean, this time around my body might just know the drill – I had living proof that I could have a healthy baby! Silly me, though…I didn’t just happen to get pregnant. I was Infertile with a capital “I”.

Dozens of ovulation kits and a couple of unsuccessful IUIs later, I was completely exhausted by the waiting game. At the end of 2019, Shane and I found ourselves at a fork in the road: to the left was a letting-go of the hope for a second child; to the right was a last-ditch all-in try via IVF. We chose the latter, buckled up, and began the barrage of hormones, needles and ultrasounds.

In keeping with sentiments felt round the world on a much grander scale, 2020 was tough. More waiting, a heart-wrenching loss, and moments of deep mourning as my visions of a kid anchoring each side of our Subaru’s back seat blurred at the edges and began to recede. We certainly had a good thing going, the three of us, and Juliette had brought me more mama-joy than I ever could have dreamed of, but damn. I didn’t want to be done. In December of last year we transferred our second embryo and began yet another cycle of hand-wringing and waiting. At the 6-week ultrasound, I held my breath as the nurse searched for the flicker of a heartbeat on the black and white screen. I’d been here before, felt the sting of stillness where there should have been life. But PRAISE THE LORD, there it was! A tiny little heartbeat coming from our tiny little boy. We still had a long ways to go, but as I walked out of the doctor’s office, hope came back. It was a cautious hope, still shadowed by anxiety, but there was hope.  These shots (so many shots!) weren’t all for naught.

Three weeks later, after another encouraging ultrasound, Shane and I decided to share the news with Juliette. I felt my guarded heart soften as we told her there was a baby growing inside my belly – her joy was contagious as she jumped up and down on the couch and exclaimed, “I’m going to be a big sister?! I’M GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER!!!” We ate cupcakes and answered all of Juliette’s burning questions and shit got real in the very best way.

COVID kept Shane and Juliette from attending any of my doctor’s appointments, but I’d always call them the minute I left the building to assure them all was well.  They were the best pregnancy pep squad.

By week 18 my belly was really rounding – thank goodness for work-from-life and stretchy pants all day, every day! We nicknamed the baby “Grogu” after the sweet little baby Yoda in Mandolorian and Juliette checked in with me daily on his progress, asking first thing in the morning, “How’s Grogu doin’, Mama?”.  I would reply, “Still growing!” and then Juliette would turn my body so that it was in profile to her and exclaim, “He sure is!”  I have a pregnancy app on my phone and Juliette would excitedly check it each Saturday morning to see just how big the baby was.  “He’s an orange!  A coconut!  A…stalk of celery?”  That one had us all perplexed.

I remember feeling very large when we went to Semiahmoo in April – now I look back at these week-21 pics and chuckle.  The heartburn and the shortness of breath were setting in by this point, but oh, Kel…just wait for it.

Juliette had a tough time making much sense from my reels of ultrasound pictures, but nonetheless, she found them thrilling.

At week 26 I felt like I had a soccer ball under my shirt.  Again: oh, Kel…

Week 30 in Neskowin – now that’s a belly!

 

By week 33 the baby was kicking regularly enough and hard enough that Juliette was guaranteed to get a good high-five from her brother if she left her hand on my belly for a few minutes.  She fell asleep like this a few times and I felt affirmed in my suspicions that she’ll be the sweetest big sis ever.

Week 34: belly as a head-rest!

And the loveliest baby shower with my mama-friends!  I stumbled through early motherhood alongside these friends eight years ago and these ladies showed up big-time for me in July to assure me that I can do it again.

We played a round of “guess whose birth story” that had us all howling with laughter as we shared the full gamut of indignities that come with labor and delivery.

Week 35: it appears as though I have an alien trying to escape through my belly button.  Juliette tunes in like it’s prime-time programming.

 

Week 37 was my pregnancy sweet spot.  Only three(ish) weeks left, so the discomfort felt short-lived enough that I could focus on savoring those final days of having a little one growing inside of me.

Brunch and a beach walk at week 38 (can you tell I was running out of wardrobe choices by this point?!).

Ok, you win, Jules!

A lunchtime belly snuggle from Juliette…while an eight-year age gap wasn’t really the plan for our two kids, I gotta say, it sure was fun to watch her watch me grow a little human.

And here it is, my bump in all its glory at 39 weeks + 1 day, one day before I went into labor. This was back when I was certain that I had a full five days ahead of me to convert the home office into a nursery, finish all the touch-up painting in the kitchen, repack my pillaged hospital bag, spend boatloads of quality one-on-one time with Juliette, AND enjoy evenings stretched out on the couch with my hand on my belly, relishing those final baby kicks. OH, KEL…the best-laid plans.  Sure, it would have been nice to have a few days to settle into my maternity leave and prep for baby’s arrival, but whatever. I wouldn’t trade the past five days for anything – they’ve been a long, long time coming.

The past two months of summer have been a blur of remodel chaos, but the date stamp on these photos tells me that we enjoyed a few mellow days down at the Oregon Coast right after school let out.  Juliette had been counting down the days till this trip for weeks and begged could we please stop in Portland and pick up Morgan for the rest of the rest of the drive to Neskowin?

Thank goodness for backseat buddies.

Our car was the first to arrive at my brother’s beach house and we wasted no time making our way down to the ocean.

I’m so happy these girls haven’t outgrown the thrill of playing at the water’s edge.

SO HAPPY.

Juliette’s stamina for beach runs is unmatched, so Shane took a shift when Morgan pooped out.

Sunday was Father’s Day and Mitch gifted himself some solo fishing time down at the beach in the morning.  Shane and I walked down to the corner store to grab some coffee and then popped by to see if he’d caught anything (he hadn’t, but he sure looked content in his element!).

Morning snuggles, cards, and gifts…

Shane asked for this 1900-piece Lego set for Father’s Day, not so much for the space shuttle, but for the promise of more quality time with his little buddy.  Because he truly is one of the most devoted dads on the face of the planet.

We spent the afternoon back down at the beach.

I know this is a silly amount of pictures of Juliette, but I can’t help it – this kid’s joy over being with family is too good to not share.

Uncle Mitch might very well be the funniest man alive.

Sealing this afternoon of simple, silly family time away in the memory bank…

Mitch had packed a crowbar and some work gloves in the beach bag and their use became clear when the tide receded enough to expose a treasure trove of mussels locked to the base of Proposal Rock.

We dined on pasta with steamed mussels for dinner on Sunday and got a slow start on Monday.  I sipped coffee while the girls giggled over who-knows-what.

Shane and Kathryn both worked on Monday, so Mitch and I took Juliette and Morgan for a late-morning hike while Elise slept in.

The woods were packed with mosquitos that morning, so we quickly changed course and opted for the wide-open beach.

A mama, a daughter, and a newfound pet ladybug…

Though I suspect Juliette would take a chihuahua over a ladybug any day.

Shane has recently taken up pickle ball and Kathryn is a certified pickle ball champion, so we spent Monday evening down at the courts getting a few pointers.

Get it, Jules!

…but I think you may be holding your paddle wrong?

When the kids tired of the courts, I took them down the street to the arcade, which was a total blast from the past.

The Jarrells all headed back to Portland early Tuesday and Shane holed up in the guest room for another day of work, so that left Juliette and I free to find our own adventures.  Or not…

I could have read books and drank tea all day, but the call of the Coast is strong, so we left the house before lunch for a hike at Cape Lookout.

Pals.

Cape Lookout is a fitting name, huh?

And…back to the car!  I don’t have Shane’s talent for a detailed retelling of Lord of the Rings, so instead Juliette spent the hike back telling me everything (every. thing.) about the characters on Miraculous, her latest favorite Netflix series.

We lazed in the afternoon and then headed back toward Pacific City once Shane was done with work, making good on our ritual of climbing the giant sand dune every time we’re in the neighborhood.

It never gets easier…

And Juliette never fails to be first to the top.

But also, the views never disappoint…

Juliette ran most the way down the hill, then climbed back up to do it again, just for fun.  Lord, I wish I could bottle that pizazz and take a shot of it each morning.

Wednesday was go-day, but Juliette and I had a couple of hours in the morning to play in the sun while Shane worked.  Hot chocolate and bare feet for the win.

And…leisure tank filled!

Ah, May – back when we slept in our real beds rather than on air mattresses on our basement floor (that June heat wave was INTENSE!).  Back when we cooked on a stove in our kitchen rather than a hot plate in our basement mud room (in-progress kitchen remodel has further upended our lives).  Back when our backyard was filled with colorful spring blooms and we wore sweaters during Saturday brunch.

May was good (though summer still holds plenty of promise).  Mother’s Day 2021 was extra-special this year, as Shane and Juliette thoughtfully schemed a day that struck the perfect balance between activity and leisure.  After a quiet breakfast and the presentation of a sweet card from Juliette in which she called me “her treasure”, Shane and Jules told me to get dressed because we were headed OUT for a Mother’s Day surprise. 

Shane tossed a few fancy groceries in a cooler and then we made the short drive to the West Seattle ferry terminal.  We were island-bound for a day of bumming around Vashon.

With friends, no-less!  It was so fun to see the Chens and the Rusts in the parking lot as we rolled up to the Island Center Forest for a hike (I use that word generously).  We sauntered through the woods and spotted salamanders and baby chicks in the pond and took our sweet time winding our way back to our cars.

We ate a picnic lunch at sunny KVI beach, played games, and lounged to our hearts’ content.

Not to gush, but while some moms want a spa day to themselves on Mother’s Day, I’ll take all the bonus time with these two that I can get.

We rounded out a perfect day with rhubarb pie and gin rummy and damn, I felt loved.

With the onset of warmer temps we felt the itch to be outdoors as much as possible each weekend.  We drove east one Saturday to drop off Shane in North Bend so he could do a long bike ride with some friends and then Juliette and I headed to Gold Creek Pond for a springtime hike.  But…snow?  It was 70 degrees out there!  The trail was too slippery to navigate in our tennis shoes, but we found a picnic table by the lake where we could still enjoy the view.

Vitamin D joy…

We met up with Shane at the tail end of his 30-mile bike ride and then Juliette hopped on her own wheels to do 12 miles of the Iron Horse Trail with her dad.  Their journey started with a two-mile ride through this abandoned train tunnel, which was pitch black and freezing cold – headlamps and jackets required.  I’ll catch you on the flip-side, guys…

Shane took this picture of Juliette at the other end of the tunnel – she later told me that she was freezing and scared through the whole thing, but that she told her dad it was fun because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.  Sweet little trooper.

I did a nice little solo hike at McClellan Butte and then offered my weary bikers a ride home.

We don’t head east too often anymore, what with the hassle of getting around the closed West Seattle Bridge, but when we do, we make it count.

We rounded out May with a couple of days on Marrowstone Island with the Chens.  There are few better ways to kick off a weekend than with a sunny ferry ride.

Much as she likes a ferry ride, Juliette can think of few things better than settling in for a long weekend with a buddy.

The Chens’ vacation home is tucked along a quiet edge of the island (actually, all edges of Marrowstone are quiet) and we loved mellow evening strolls followed by plenty of kicking back in their water-view Adirondacks.

Jack booked us a tour of a goat farm on Saturday morning and it was a definite weekend highlight.  Look at these baby goats!

(But watch your dress, Jules!)

After wearing out our welcome in baby goat pen, we wandered out to the idyllic field to see the grown-ups.

I love this guy – look at his smile!

Our tour guide was a 12 year-old girl who lived on the farm and knew every intricate detail of raising and milking and caring for her animals.  She answered all of our questions with striking maturity and then we got to taste the cheeses produced right there at the farm.

Ok, just a couple more baby goat pics, because…baby goats!

The kids and the dads biked to the beach that afternoon while La Verne and I met them there with the cars.

And then the rest of the day was filled with Nintendo-time, some intense Lego-building sessions, and delectable pizzas a la Jack.

Plus, s’mores!  With a little pre-game action in which the skewers were wielded like wands by these two Harry Potter fans.

Careful with that thing, Juliette…

Goodnight, guys…

Sunday’s most important agenda item was to celebrate the birthday boy, who turned the big EIGHT while we were there!  Juliette couldn’t wait to watch him open the Nintendo game she’d been waiting to gift him for months.

Post-waffles, we drove over to Fort Flagler for a late morning hike.

How do you coax a couple of kids through the woods when they really just want to go home to play Mario Odyssey?  Like this:

We spent our last island evening at Finnriver Cidery, sipping cider and doing the limbo and running through the open fields.

And finally, cake and Clue.  Such a good day.

Juliette and I were up before the rest of the house on Monday morning and drove into town for coffee and donuts before heading to the beach for an early Mama-Jules stroll.

Back at the house, there was one last hangout on the bunk beds…

One last go at lawn games…

And one last huddle with friends we’ve sorely lacked time with over the past year.

Time to board that ferry.

And say a cool farewell to the marvelous month of May.